Is there a way to make up for mistakes made before I got help?

I was diagnosed with cyclothymia almost two months ago and am working on controlling my illness and not letting it control me. I feel like everyone looked at me as a lost cause before I got help and now I feel like my friends and family are looking at me like I'm using this as an excuse and milking it for all it's worth.

This really hurts me and makes me feel angry. The fact that I want my life to be normal as possible and to make my own contribution to my family and friends doesn't seem to matter. I have one particular family member who thought I should get help and was all for it but once I started getting the help and seeing a doctor and therapist its like I'm supposed to be cured and that everything is supposed to be normal again. I should have a job right away and not be lazy.

I have been out of work for almost two years now and have in the last month filled out more applications than I ever have. I am starting to feel more positive about myself and take better care of myself as well. I had alot of racing thoughts before starting treatment and even those have started to slow dow. I have also been more respectful of other people and haven't taken anything from anyone that didn't belong to me. I used to lie a lot and since I have started treatment and therapy I haven't lied to anyone and have been more upfront than at anytime in the last 15 years. Finally, my 11 year struggle with bulimia is also starting to become under control through my use of coping stratagies.

I guess I don't really understand why the people that thought I should get help are now in essence turning there backs on me. I also don't know and would like to somehow apologize in some way to all the people I have hurt over the years before I new I had anything wrong and just don't know how.

I would love to hear everybodys opinions and how you deal with this or are going through anything similar.

J

Hi funnyguy,

I feel for you, this situation must be frustrating. I think its important to remember that other individuals will have a hard time accepting your disease especailly if they have felt like victims of your past actions.I have a really hard time accepting my sister in-laws bulimia problem cuz it affected my relationship with my husband-it was like everyone burried their head in the sand about the issue but me...Point being,there may be some hard feelings there which you have to come to terms with. I am so proud of you for getting help! And you are on the right path to wellness. My advice would be to reach out to the individuals you have hurt in the past and let how bad you feel about it. Also let them know that the road to recovery is long and you are hoping for their support. I suspect they may be feeling bitter about the past. I truley believe that just letting them know that you feel bad about the past and you are trying so hard to get better will start the mending process. Its important that you and your family be patient and honest with eachother. It will take some time before they regain trust in you, but it will happin! Please have faith in yourself! Good luck with everything!

Wow! mpric...you definately were reading my mind on what I wanted to say...

Jamox...it sounds like you are making a lot of progress...other's may not see it...time may heal some...

It has been just three months since I made this post and I have a much better outlook on my life. I am more in control now and feel more confident. I have been very compliant in my treatment and I think this is the number one contributor of my success. Some days are much more difficult than others and there is a lot to injest after being diagnosed with cyclothymia but I take each day as it comes and deal with things one at a time instead of trying to do everything all at once which has proved to be bad for me. The treatment is there and I believe that we each have to take that treatment and apply it as tough as it may be. I feel that as long as I keep doing what I'm supposed to do I am making myself a stronger person every day. As for my mistakes, I feel that with time I will be able to hopefully earn the trust of those I've hurt by keeping everyone in the loop about my treatment. I do understand that some people will never trust me again but as long as I make the effort I am doing what I need to do. So far so good!

Jamox