My sons dad is dead -(follow-up)

Found out from my sons dads girlfriend that there is a possibility that he died by accident. That he did not mean to overdose. Apparently he rang her at 7pm Xmas day night and said he would call back at 9pm. When she arrived back in Cairns after his death there was a meal half cooked in the kitchen. She said it was like he had started cooking, rang her and then killed himself. Very strange especially as he said that he would call her back later. There is another scenario that the police have had suspicions about. Apparently Ismals brother was the one that found him but the police are saying that his story is inconsistent with the evidence. My sons dads girlfriend said that his brother made a very chilling comment with a smile when he was leaving to come back to Brisbane, something like "I got out of that one" or " I got away with that". She didn't think much of it at the time as she is filled with grief but she then later mentioned it to the police and thats when they stated that his story didn't add up. All 3 scenarios are revolting but elicit different cognitions. He has had an autopsy but due to backlog of forensic cases in QLD it could take 6 months to get cause of death and toxicology.

I mentioned to my son that there was a possibility that his father didn't mean to die. I did not mention the possibility of his brothers involvement. My son does not want to go to Cairns for the funeral so I have firmly stated to my son that we are to have a small ceremony here just he and I. We will light a candle, say a few prayers and say goodbye to his Dad. He doesn't want to do it. He is acting like it has never even happened so I am going to have to be a bit firm with this one act. I will not dictate how he should feel or express his emotions but I will be his mother and lead by example the best way I can. After the ceremony, I will not bring it up again but I will keep a watchful eye. That was my promise to my son if he participated in saying goodbye to his dad.

God this is awful. I feel like the blind leading the blind.

You are doing wonderfully under the circumstances. You will be the anchor for your son & you have proven to be that already. You will need time to grieve. You will need to lean on friends & family to help you out. All my best, Suzy

Thanks Suzy, I shall keep the faith.

Michah,
Boy, this sounds like it's getting even hairier! Let the cops do their investigation, even if it takes what sounds like forever, it will be worth knowing the truth. Especially for your son-he may not fully understand or is just putting on a brave face for Mum, but there will come a time where he will grieve. Do the good-bye ceremony with him&just be there for him. Stay strong-you're doing way better than I could right now&that's very commendable. It's great that you're so concerned about your son&are there for him-that's the best thing you can do. Hang in there!

death whether expected or not can be difficult. keep a positive memory if not itll tear you up. keep a journal so you may one day share with your son

Thank you Skymonk. Those are very comforting words and just what I needed to hear. I just keep on keeping on. One of our precious tropical fish died as well and our beautiful dog has spent the last two days vomiting but she is better today. I said a prayer asking God for no more death or sickness just now as I think we have had enough!

Hi Micah,
I read your first post this morning and just now got back to reply...
Now I'm even more freaked out...
First off, I am so sorry to hear what everyone is going through. Suicide in itself is so hard to deal with....but then to have the doubt of "what if it wasn't suicide?"
I went through the EXACT same scenario in 2001 with my dad. He and I were close when I was young, but when he died I was an adult with a child of my own, and it left me with so much regret, sadness, guilt, anger etc.... a whirlwind of emotions.... that on top of the fact that I couldn't accept the fact that he may have actually done this to himself (gunshot wound to the forehead) there were so many things in my step mother's story that didn't add up, and I along with my entire family suspected that she and her boyfriend had something to do with his death... the boyfriend made odd comments about how he would kill someone if he was going to..etc. SOOO similar to your situation. I wrote letter upon letter to the city police department to do something about it, please investigate further, etc... got records etc... but came up empty handed. I had no one to talk to when I got ready to about how I felt...so my biggest advice is let your son talk if he wants to, but don't push him... if he just needs to cry, or scream, let him do it. And I agree on the ceremony...I think he'd regret it if it didn't happen. So many hugs and much love going to all of you.

Hi soulmate, I am so sorry for your loss and the fact that this post has probably stirred up yukky stuff for you. I do not want to cause any more pain to anyone. Thank you so much for sharing your story from your perspective as the child. I will do the best that I can and try and guide us all through the mist. Thank you for all your love and hugs.