[Coleridge]

I struggle everyday to try to figure out what my bi-polar mother is really capable of and what she needs me to do for her. I feel that I am being manipulated all the time and this makes me angry. Yet, I cannot leave her to her own devices because she is not taking proper care of herself and I don't want to feel that I have not done my duty by her. Anyone else find themselves in this constant dounble bind with a bi-polar parent?

[sqrlb8]

I am in complete sympathy with you, it's a tough spot. I am bipolar, my mother too, and her mother. (I suspect the chain is generationally unbroken, but its not the kind of information traditionally passed down with the family tree)

My grandmother is in her 90s and is finally in a secure medical facility due to the onset of dementia which has rendered her no longer able to insulate herself with her wealth. But she has been as crazy as a fruit bat her whole life. She has always resisted any help and denied all dx's. Sweet.

My mother is also pretty strange due to being bipolar. Her twist on the denial mode is to say that she has "conquered" the disorder through medication and therapy.

I dread being called upon one day to care for her. While I love her like one only can one's mother, my irritation level with her is off the charts within an unreasonably short time. Memory lane for me is often like being lost in the wrong part of town. I'm guessing you might have a dose of that yourself as it is such a natural biproduct of the life bipolar.

There is probably something to be said for involving another set of eyes on the situation for you. If not professional, perhaps someone close enough to care but removed enough to "see" where the need and manipulation begin and end.

Being bipolar isn't "wrong" but the feelings we have about some of the destruction it can cause aren't "nothing" either.

Good luck to you and your mom.

[darkeyes]

My heart goes out to you. This is extremely difficult, I am sure, have you consulted with her pdoc? Does she see one, and is she on meds? Without any of this, things will be only more difficult. If you haven't already, see if you can get some professional help, counsuling (sp?) even for yourself, to have some one who is not related, unbiased suggestions on how to cope with this. I really feel for you, and hope the frustration you are having with your mom doesn't trigger anything with you.
My family went through so much with my brother back in the 60's, we all never thought we'd survive it, after several years and getting the right treatment, my brother has done well, and is on his 3rd marriage, which has been several years, things can work
Please take care now, okay?

(((((((((((( hugs to you )))))))))))))))

I understand, but from the other end. I was the one who put my mother through the frustration and anger in my teen years. She fought very hard to keep me under control. At the time, I didn't understand how my problem was affecting her, but when I look back and talk to her about the past, her frustration and anger at the situation are so very clear. Luckily, the hardships we went through have strengthened our bond. If your mother is not currently on medications and seeing a therapist, I would highly recommend that you help her to see one. I think it will work wonders. I can't say for sure because I am just starting my own therapy and meds. Good luck to you and your mother.

[mortimer]

It must be very difficult for you! To deal with caring for your mother's well being, and your own well being.

Maybe trying to find a balance? Face it hun, you can't help her on your own. No one could in that position, her finding help and meds would help her a lot. It would make it easier for you to care for her too. When you're fatigued mentally from dealing with something like that, you can't help as well as you would like.

Your duty is to both of you, not just your mother! I am not in your position, so I don't know if my advice is even acceptable, but I do hope you can figure everything out. *hug*

[darkeyes]

I think you misunderstood me, it was my brother, not mom.
Please do not be so hard on yourself, your mom didn't become bipolar, and it wasn't due to your past with her, we can't take the blame for other's mental disorders, it is proven that many disorders are genetic, or some psychosis are brought on by substance abuse, etc.
I sincerely wish you luck and balance with therapy,your mom and most important, your healing.

DE

[darkeyes]

Is the same person, Coleridge and rem? I posted my reply to Coleridge.
I'm confused as to who I am replying to, but if the replies are applicable to others, so be it.


DE

not sure why that happened dark. not the same person though