[Berries]

Pdoc wants me to start taking monthly shots of prolixin to make me med compliant.
They have rare side-effects. Permanent ones. One is death, the others are facial tics, major tremors, and muscle contractions that don't ever relax.

My, let's say, self-destructive/self-sabotage thoughts shout: Take the shot to get those awful side-effects, esp DEATH.
ME, myself says, “take the shots so you feel and function better”

Now I am really confused.

Why can’t I just take some Zoloft at a high, high dose to treat my OCD and forget about a bipolar cocktail (ant-psych, mood stabelzer, and AD)?
Because my , let's say, self-destructive/self-sabotage thoughts shout: YOU AREN’T Bipolar. You aren’t sick. You are a FAKER.

I am confused. And I need support and hugs and advice. Please?

((((((((((((( Berries ))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are so confused and have those mixed feelings. I wish I could give you some advice but I am not familiar with prolixin. The only thing I can say to you is that maybe you should talk to your pdoc (or T) about your concerns in order to get a clearer picture of this. Good luck and please keep us posted (if you want to) to know how you are doing

[sunshine2009]

Originally Posted by Berries

Pdoc wants me to start taking monthly shots of prolixin to make me med compliant.
They have rare side-effects. Permanent ones. One is death, the others are facial tics, major tremors, and muscle contractions that don't ever relax.

My, let's say, self-destructive/self-sabotage thoughts shout: Take the shot to get those awful side-effects, esp DEATH.
ME, myself says, “take the shots so you feel and function better”

Now I am really confused.

Why can’t I just take some Zoloft at a high, high dose to treat my OCD and forget about a bipolar cocktail (ant-psych, mood stabelzer, and AD)?
Because my , let's say, self-destructive/self-sabotage thoughts shout: YOU AREN’T Bipolar. You aren’t sick. You are a FAKER.

I am confused. And I need support and hugs and advice. Please?

This is a tough situation to be in! I myself recently quit taking meds because of the side effects and felt that I wasn't bipolar. Are there no other medication options? You really should consider the side effects of the shot. Why are they worried about you being med-compliant? It sounds like you're taking medication already. Have you considered getting a second opinion or seeing a different doctor?

[Michah]

Honey, the biggest, biggest safety hugs to you!!!! Sent you a PM..........

[Berries]

Originally Posted by sunshine2009

This is a tough situation to be in! I myself recently quit taking meds because of the side effects and felt that I wasn't bipolar. Are there no other medication options? You really should consider the side effects of the shot. Why are they worried about you being med-compliant? It sounds like you're taking medication already. Have you considered getting a second opinion or seeing a different doctor?

My "voices" in my head won't let me take meds, just some benedryl and klonopin to help me sleep.

Have a good pdoc and T. They both care, just not a lot they can do.

I was on a really good psyche cocktail but all hell broke loose in my blood and they had to take me off my anti-psych (one of the new ones, the one that changed my life), then they had to put me on prednisone to fix my blood, then between those two things, all hell broke loose in my mind, heart and forget about my soul, that went by the wayside a long time ago.

Now I am here. Not thinking too good... moods are extreme and cycle rapidly...OCD compulsions bad...

Prolixin is an old anti-psychotic, like mellaril or thorazine. It and risperdal (new anti-psychotic) are the only meds in bi-monthly or monthly shot forms. They think i'll take a shot once a month better than having to take pills every day. Risperdal, I am alergic to. So, that leaves one choice--prolixin.

I don't think I can do this med thing, this life thing anymore. I think I'll just stick around and do what I can. Until it is finally time to go.

I am not suffering enough.
I don't deserve anything more.

I will get the shots if it makes my family feel better. But the old anti-psychotics never worked before. I don't know why anyone thinks they will work now.

If my mom remembers (she is my ride) I'll get my first monthly prolixin shot tomorrow.

If I die, or am disfigured, no one can blame me.

I guess I'm not so confused after all.

[madisgram]

i am sending you lots of huge hugs, berries
!!!
i know this has been a gigantic change in your treatment but do understand from our pm-ing that right now it may be necessary so you can eventually go back on your oral meds. i'm hoping you don't get those side effects and that the med works for you for the duration the pdoc thinks you will need it. know that i care about you and that i'm always here to listen, ANYTIME. what you are doing is courageous. try to think positive and let's see how it goes... another approach to this shot thing is to envision it doing it's thing right with no side affects. that is a positive that could be a reality.

[cybermember]

Geodon is an antipsychotic and is also available as an injectable, but I'm not sure of the dosing schedule. Perhaps this is something to look into.

[Berries]

Not only did I not make it to the clinic on Friday to get the shot, I didn't even make it out of bed.

I was really ELEVATED last week and Thursday, just CRASHED.

I am swinging UP again this AM.

I sooooooooo don't want to get this shot tomorrow.

I see my pdoc on Tuesday.

Should I just wait and talk to him about it? I'd really like to do that.

It feels like my self-destructive brain WANTS these shots, because of all the bad side-effects. So, my pro-Berries side says maybe I should not get these shots.

And now that everyone--my treaters, mom, and best friend/sister-- want me to get these shots I am starting to get suspicious of them.
AND also--why can't they just accept me med-free?????? Makes me feel like some sort of freak that needs to be sedated cuz she is a danger to others.
What do you all think?

[cybermember]

If delaying the shot until you talk to your pdoc makes you feel less anxious, then I say delay the shot until you see your pdoc to talk over your concerns. We're are only talking a couple of days delay, not weeks or months.

[FURCHILD]

Originally Posted by Berries

Not only did I not make it to the clinic on Friday to get the shot, I didn't even make it out of bed.

I was really ELEVATED last week and Thursday, just CRASHED.

I am swinging UP again this AM.

I sooooooooo don't want to get this shot tomorrow.

I see my pdoc on Tuesday.

Should I just wait and talk to him about it? I'd really like to do that.

It feels like my self-destructive brain WANTS these shots, because of all the bad side-effects. So, my pro-Berries side says maybe I should not get these shots.

And now that everyone--my treaters, mom, and best friend/sister-- want me to get these shots I am starting to get suspicious of them.
AND also--why can't they just accept me med-free?????? Makes me feel like some sort of freak that needs to be sedated cuz she is a danger to others.
What do you all think?

I am the aunt of two nephews who are rapid cycling bi polar. I am truly sorry for the pain you are feeling. It is very scary to look on. I can only imagine how difficult it is to experience. Our family has tried to be supportive of our nephews for more than 10 years now and I can only tell you that your mom and best friend /sister are seeing your life from a perspective of helping you have a life that you can live. Please try to trust them as your illness does make you suspicious. Let them help you to find a way to be OK again. A loving family is a wonderful blessing when the world is wierd. Let them help you.

[Berries]

Originally Posted by FURCHILD

I am the aunt of two nephews who are rapid cycling bi polar. I am truly sorry for the pain you are feeling. It is very scary to look on. I can only imagine how difficult it is to experience. Our family has tried to be supportive of our nephews for more than 10 years now and I can only tell you that your mom and best friend /sister are seeing your life from a perspective of helping you have a life that you can live. Please try to trust them as your illness does make you suspicious. Let them help you to find a way to be OK again. A loving family is a wonderful blessing when the world is wierd. Let them help you.

Thank you, Furchild, I will try to remember that.

[Berries]

I got the shot.

I hope I made the right decision.

I just want to have some peace, stillness, accomplishment, meaning and joy.

If the shot helps with this then that is great.