[JourneyUpward]

Right now, I am alone at home and I'm spiraling down. I feel alone and am tired of the fight to survive. I love the manic days, just LOVE them (as long as they aren't irritable, which is seldom). I'm going to lose them due to new treatment, new drugs. I'm hopefully going to lose the major depressive cycles--they are so dangerous.

Right now, the spiral is taking me down to a dark and bad place. I wish it could just end. I don't want to go to the hospital--I don't think I'm that bad yet. Where is the line drawn where one must go to hospital?

[Sad In TX]

If you are feeling so despondent that you cannot get out of bed, or if you feel like you want to die then you need to go. You sound pretty severe, so I do suggest you get help as soon as you can. Please do it. I hope you feel better soon.

[DaveyJones]

I had many long, long depressive episodes over a period of years. I had thoughts of suicide for many years, but I never thought about going to the hospital because I knew I could not do it. Until the night came that I knew I could do it. I was in the hospital the next day.

That was the line for me.

Since then I had one episode that had me calling my pdoc nearly every day. He finally told me to go to the ER. I went, they said they could admit me, or I could do a daily outpatient program, which I did.

I guess the point of all this is that it has been a developing attitude for me-at first I thought I could get by, then had to relent. Now, I'm not afraid of putting myself in the hospital. The stakes are just too high.

From your post it sounds like you're having pretty serious cycles going. I would encourage you to go to the ER and take it from there.

Be strong, we pray only the best for you.

[JourneyUpward]

Thank you DJ and Mellie for your advice. I have relatives coming to visit on Wed. for an overnighter. I'll need to reach way down tomorrow to prepare a nice meal for them when I'd rather crawl into bed and close the door. After they leave I have to pack up my kitchen and living room because my kitchen will be demolished & living room floor torn up on Monday and tuesday next week. (For the next 3 weeks, my kitchen will be remodeled and the LR floor will be tiled. My husband arranged for us to go away those two days of demolition--I don't know if I'll be any fun. I hope this crumby low is over by then. If not, or if it gets worse, I'll call my Pdoc and go to an ER. I'm afraid because I don't know what they'll do to me. I have no idea of what to expect if I check into an ER. Will they put me in an isolation room? What happens?

[DaveyJones]

Originally Posted by JourneyUpward

Thank you DJ and Mellie for your advice. I have relatives coming to visit on Wed. for an overnighter. I'll need to reach way down tomorrow to prepare a nice meal for them when I'd rather crawl into bed and close the door. After they leave I have to pack up my kitchen and living room because my kitchen will be demolished & living room floor torn up on Monday and tuesday next week. (For the next 3 weeks, my kitchen will be remodeled and the LR floor will be tiled. My husband arranged for us to go away those two days of demolition--I don't know if I'll be any fun. I hope this crumby low is over by then. If not, or if it gets worse, I'll call my Pdoc and go to an ER. I'm afraid because I don't know what they'll do to me. I have no idea of what to expect if I check into an ER. Will they put me in an isolation room? What happens?

They'll treat you pretty much like any patient, get a history, ask about symptoms, etc. They would determine whether you meet their criteria for inpatient treatment. If you do then they'll take you to the appropriate floor and check you in. Pretty much like any other hospitalization. They wouldn't isolate you unless you're suicidal or vlolent. They'll get you all settled in and you'll go and join everyone else. If you don't meet the requirements for inpatient, they'll offer you an outpatient program if they have one available.

It's really not too scary. Everyone will be nice and try to help you be comfortable. Nobody really wants to go to the hospital, but they really will try to make it as tolerable as possible.

[Michah]

Hi honey, I been admitted so many times its a blur!! Hospital can be scary but they make you feel SAFE which is the important part.......you know when to go when that voice louder than what your feeling goes "danger, danger get help!!"

That is your survival instinct........we have all had it since the dawn of time.....listen and trust your body.

I was a violent one so I was often on my own for the first couple of days.......this will not happen to you.....they want to help so let them......

Good luck .......get the help and the few days of being taken care of.......

[bearchic34]

I think that when to go to the hospital is when you do not feel safe with yourself anymore. Or when someone else is concerned enough to see how you are struggling.
What is the new meds you are on? They should certainly take care of the bad depression too.
My bp honey loved the manic days too. He had no idea how hard those days were on me, keeping up with him, protecting our kids. The feeling of invincibility is scarey for us looking in and we worry about bps physical safety