[BNLsMOM]

I am just so frustrated. I am going through this period where all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep, but I have so much to do and so many people depending on me for different things. I am constantly fighting with myself and it is causing so much stress. I keep having outbursts because I just don't want to deal with even the simple things like taking care of my kids and cleaning my house, and I have a coupld of things going on with my work.
I just want to quit everything and disappear for a long time.

I am frustrated because I have a therapist, but he can't prescribe. My primary care won't treat bipolar and I have to wait until June 11 to see a pdoc for medication. I called and asked if they could fit me in if there was a cancellation, but I haven't heard back so I assume they can't fit it in.

It's all I can do to feed my kids and I can't expect my DH to stay home from work to help. The house is a mess, I am a mess, and I am afraid everything is going to crash down around me.

I wish I didn't have all these responsibilities.

How do you get through it while you aren't medicated?

I've ruined my life before when I have felt this way, and I don't want to do it again.

[knothead]

Hi BNLsMOM Hang in there, I know you can do it.

I've been waiting for the past month and a half for my first therapy session, I finally go next Tuesday. I suppose I'll have to wait another month or so before I get to see a Pdoc for meds. Apparently the mental health clinics are overwhelmed with people who need help -- probably because of the financial mess, I suppose.

This site and the people on it are the only things that have gotten me through the last few weeks. It keeps me distracted when I'm having a bad day, keeps me out of trouble for the most part. Try posting whatever is on your mind, no matter how small it may seem. Read some of the other posts and try to answer them -- sometimes it makes me feel better just knowing that I might have helped someone else. Don't be shy, just go for it!!

[Amazonmom]

You're not a pain, you are crying out for help.

How much does hubby help with the housework stuff? If both of you have jobs outside of the home, both should be doing the housework. Even if you did not work outside of the home, he would still need to give you a break.

What helped me live during severe depressions is to make a very basic list of the things that NEED to be done today. Like feed the kids, etc. If I fed the baby, fed myself, and managed to get the laundry anywhere near the washer, I called it good. Occasionally I would do the dishes and clean something in the house. When my baby would go to sleep in her swing, I would jump in the shower. I knew that I was really bad off and wouldn't be able to go back to work in that state, so I sought help for the first time in my life.

I was lucky in that the Psych NP I called was able to fit me in within 7 days. I know you have a long wait ahead of you, you can do it. Even if you have to post here everyday until the Pdoc day.

[Michah]

Hi sweetie, yeah, hard stuff........I also go through intense periods of wanting to dematerialise........pick one or two tasks a day on top of your job. You and your family are first priority. If all you can do is feed them everyday, thats all you do. Ask your husband if he can bath your kids and take them to school/ or day care if you have that available.

Your family will survive without you at the top of your game. If this dx is new to you, it is better for your mental health to get rid of the "no can do" guilts. You got a lot of healing and therapy ahead of you, save your energy for that.

My son is 14 now and I raised him mentally ill and single parent. You can do it. Believe me, speaking from experience, beating yourself up is only going to add to your angst. It does not change anything. Your husband and kids will be fine. Without you though, they will be devastated. Look after yourself first so you don't burn out.

Good luck babe........

[BNLsMOM]

I just feel bad because my DH has a time consuming job. He gets the kids up and dressed, takes my son to school, works until 6 or 7 each night and then comes home and does whatever housework he has time for.

I work at home and I don't have that much to do, but when I have something, it consumes me.

Other than that, I sit on the couch lately and I am just unable to do anything. Even if I am feeling energetic, I can't seem to get off my duff because I have so much going on in my head that I get overwhelmed.

I'll try making lists and see if that helps.

It doesn't help that the last time I was manic I planned a major cookout in my yard for this Saturday and now I don't want to do it at all. I can't cancel on 20 people, so I have to make it happen. I know I'll have a good time and I will feel better with people around, but it's the anxiety and lack of motivation, you know?

Thanks for the help...

[Amazonmom]

Something my T said might apply in this situation.

It is okay for one partner to carry the other along when there is trouble. Eventually he will need help, and you will be there for him.