[tryingtobeme]

Not really sure where to post this. I have BPD so I'm putting it here.

I'm just feeling really off track the past several days. My life isn't getting any better...I'm supposed to see T tonight...don't want to go...I feel I dont' have anything important to say to him. Nothing I say is important.

I'm ready for my marriage to end and get rid of the angry person that I have to live with. My son and I would be so much better off.

I'm trying to make friends (I've always had trouble making and keeping them). What's the use. I always drive them away.

My father has two options, have his leg removed or die. I don't know what to do for him. He was one of the my abusers but he is still my father. I can't live with myslef if I don't find a way to help him. I will be putting my emotions in a wreck, not that they aren't aleady.

My world feels like it's spinning, and I don't feel I have that much to live for.

Tis life I guess. Not really sure where I go from here.

[phoenix7]

you take it one step at a time put one foot in front of the other - its all we can do......

pleas go see T - the times when we really dont want to go are usually the times when we really do need to go and let us knowhow you go ok

wiht your dad - that is a hard situation - its his decision and his choice - al you can do is give him the facts and let him decide -some people think losing a limb is the end of their life - I work in rehab - and i have sen people go through the grief of losing a limb and the thoughts of loss of independance - there are good prosthetic limbs avaialable that can let a person walk again as well as they did before ....is he getting psyshological support???? I hope so - andi understand the even though he was your abuser bit... I felt the same way when my dad got cancer..

try to take care of you thouhg - somthihg i sometimes do when i feel hopeless is to write down all the thoughts in my head - then i wthink if my best friend said that or someone i loved - what would i say to them and i write that down.....

please take care of you

P7

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

pleas go see T - the times when we really dont want to go are usually the times when we really do need to go and let us knowhow you go ok

I did see T last night. I have mixed feelings. Maybe he doesn't really want to see me anymore. I hate when he points out things that I do. I know that is the purpose of therapy but it makes me feel so helpless.

Originally Posted by phoenix7

wiht your dad -....is he getting psyshological support????

my dad would never see anyone. He thinks he is just fine menatlly. we all know that isn't true since he was an abuse. That is what he chooses. He always talks about dying any way.

[beautifulmadness]

I'm trying to make friends also which is hard for me due to being shy and tending to hold back. The next thing you have to remember is Hope.. there is always hope and there really is a light at the end of the tunnel ahead of you... just start with baby steps and each day take one more.. if a step seems to be too much to handle, find me and I will listen and try to find you some positives. Sending good thoughts your way...