Labelling people as either good or evil, with no shades of grey?

I did this yesterday towards one of my nurses, refused to take the medication she gave me because I felt scared that she may have poisoned it somehow. Another nurse had to give me the medication. I was feeling extremely anxious throughout the whole evening and night. I was able to talk to other people just fine, but I couldn't towards that one nurse because of the evil label I had given her.

Even now I am feeling confusion...is she good or evil? My psychologist is trying to get me to stop thinking in black & white terms, and go to shades of grey...but it is difficult sometimes when my mind tells me otherwise.

Does anybody else struggle with this?

[Perna]

Hi, Melissa, sounds difficult for you! If I were going to think in good/evil terms, I'd make sure I did it 100% and used all the logic I could. If the evil nurse were going to poison you/the meds, don't you think she would have found a way around just changing to another nurse delivering it to you? Or, another way of thinking of it, if the other nurse is "good" then she works with and would know the evil one was evil too? I don't think good and evil can work together like that. If you trust the good nurse not to let you get poisoned, I would just ask her the next time if it is safe to take meds from a nurse she works with that you don't trust? That way, when you aren't poisoned :-) you'll know the nurse you don't trust might be at least gray enough to give you medicine okay?

Thank you for your response, Perna.

Indeed, my thinking is not logical and I understand this now. However, I don't have that nurse tonight so that might be why I feel OK. I took my meds fine today. I understand that logically that nurse probably wouldn't have poisoned me...but yesterday I felt so sure, so scared.

I'm just so tired of sometimes having that black & white thinking...it makes me feel so mean sometimes when I judge others, but at certain times I feel so sure that some people are evil. :/ It happens more when I'm anxious as well.

[El-ahrairah]

I do this too, once someone has ****ed up in my book I black list them and don't want anything to do with them. I either trust too much or not at all ;x

[AmDaws]

I never noticed this in myself before, but after reading your post I have to admit that I do this all the time. If anyone, even someone I once considered a friend, does anything to make me feel miserable or angry, I immediately think of them as horrible people. When I'm in a better mood I try to coach myself to see their good qualities, but it's never long before I fall back into accusing them of being inherently horrible. Lately I've come to a pretty grim conclusion that absolutely no one is good. That people are, by nature horrible, even myself...

[perpetuallysad]

Everything I do is black or white. I hate or love it. I have difficulty understanding the nuances of anything: people, situations, relationships, hell, even characters in stories and stuff. Do something bad today, you are bad. It is possible that if sometime in the future you do something good (redeem yourself) I may then see you as good, but more than likely you will always be bad to me. (Obviously I don't mean you specifically, but just the general you--anyone.) I drop people like flies for very minor (to other people) transgressions.

[Rachie]

Oh I agree so much! I know exactly what you are all saying. Sometimes I find it frustrating but then sometimes I think well it's their fault they shouldn't have annoyed me. But it's amazing the slightest thing can make me loathe someone. I have this problem very bad with one particular 'friend' I just wish I didnt have to pretend to like her just to keep everyone else happy, and because of trying to keep everyone else happy I now hardly talk to any of them. I have better people to spend my time with than immature 'girls'

Wow! I'm sorry kind of ended up venting a little there... Hope u don't mind :/

[baha baha]

hi, i'm struggeling with same things as during my psychology session my T memorizing me all that times that still there is a gray area in the middle but for me i cant see it as every things in my life proving to me that i'm right even i know logically its wrong but i dont know how to correct it or even to practice it in real life as many times i really convence my self thats really fact ,so we share the same issue ,dont worry by the time you will adapt to it and you will move on life

[BrokenNBeautiful]

There seem to be certain ppl that I interact with the "trigger" me. Often they will remind me of the way someone else treated me in the past.

There's this woman at a clinic I go to for bodywork and I am afraid of her. I have enough DBT training and knowledge of my bpd to know that she is not bad. But I am still afraid of her.

I have to remind myself all the time that ppl are not good or bad, but have good and evil in them, as everyone does.

But, yeah I do get it.

Billi

[bipolarbearV]

All or Nothing Thinking or Black or White thinking are one of the 9 traits that define who a BPD sufferer is. So it is extremely common and often helps our pdocs give us our diagnosis or Dx. My parents who were dysfuntional used to keep saying to me as a child, "You can't trust Anyone" over and over. Eventually I did NOT trust anyone and it really messed me up. But their mantra of mistrust didn't make sense. There were always some really nice, kind people in the world. Where did I fit them in? That's the beginning of my journey to mental health. Knowing that everything I had been taught could not possibly be 100% right.
Also remember that Mental Ill. maintains that there are chemical imbalances with our chemicals and hormones. You may NOT be able to think in 'grey' because your chemicals are messed up. Psych nurses are aware of this and understand, mostly. So does your Dr. Since you are in the hospital sit back, relax, take the T they offer. Try to make some friends, have fun, make things and distract your mind. You'll be OK. Good Luck to You. I hope this helped.

[dance59326]

• don’t judge – see, but don’t evaluate, acknowledge the harmful, and the helpful, but don’t judge it, don’t judge your judging
• seeing what is there, let go of “shoulds/musts,” don’t latch onto the thoughts of judging, trying to just be and experience life

[bipolarbearV]

I've done all or nothing thinking lots over time. But while I was doing it I had no idea I was doing it or even that it was wierd or wrong. Isn't that odd that we can get so wrapped up in our illness that we can't even see our own destructive behavior?

As I got healthier I used all or nothing thinking less and less and the longer I went without using it the clearer it became to me how often and how negative it had been. I could hardly believe I ever acted like that or that I sometimes do this, even now.