[littlematchstick]

I HATE BPD! I feel like its controling and ruining my life! I would give anything to wake up tomorrow and actually feel in control of my life. I feel like I'm making all the wrong choices. I'm second guessing my choice of college degrees. I even second guess my religious beliefs. I'm always afraid of picking the wrong thing. I just want to be happy, but I feel like I dont even know what happiness means to me, so how can I pick what will make me happy.

I'm in therapy, but I'm afraid even that's not going to be enough. I don't feel like she really understands me or even knows much about BPD. She says she doesnt like to use DBT, but is willing to learn it with me if I'm interested, but I can't get my hands on the DBT workbook or whatever. So I'm just frustrated. My T is a bit older and I'm not sure if she can connect with me on a level to make her understand what I'm dealing with.

I dunno, I feel like I'm ranting here and still not getting out what I want to say..I'm just frustrated and what all this drama and crap to go away!

~Grumbles~

[dance59326]

about how much older is your T???

[littlematchstick]

Im not sure but I would guess late 50's early 60's (I'm 25).

[dance59326]

are there anymore therapists around the area who can help you, i tried a therapist who was double my age and we weren't compatible at all so she pushed a switch on my mother. It works a lot more. Now we're about maybe 15 years difference and I like her a lot more.

[littlematchstick]

I'm really limited on therapists because I have to go the free clinic around here and they don't have a lot of choices. I mean she's really nice, I've only seen her a few times so I will continue to give her a chance for a while. But I'm willing to keep my options open if I don't feel that were connecting.

[dance59326]

it's great that you're still keeping an open mind about your therapist, a positive attitude always helps. Did you try to express your thoughts abour your relationship though, sometimes that helps.
~ dance59326
PS, how are you doing???

[littlematchstick]

Originally Posted by dance59326

it's great that you're still keeping an open mind about your therapist, a positive attitude always helps. Did you try to express your thoughts abour your relationship though, sometimes that helps.
~ dance59326
PS, how are you doing???

meh, I'm having a rough day today..I made another post here about lying/exaggerating that will explain it. I haven't talked otm y T about our relationship, I'm afraid I will offend her because of her age...I don't want to upset or offend her I guess.

[BrightOutlook]

I myself am seeking a DBT counselor in the Youngstown Ohio area. My daughter has BPD as well. She is currently seeing a therapist who does not specialize in DBT. Out here in the Portland, Oregon area she had an amazing DBT counselor. To her it was the difference between night and day with the huge improvements she was making. However she has moved out there now. We are desperately seeking a DBT counselor! If anyone has any suggestions, please take the time to let me know. Thanks in advance.

[littlematchstick]

Hi there, I'm actually only about 45minutes- 1 hour from youngstown. I am on a limited budget so I go to a county run facility for my counseling (they don't really specialize in anything) so unfortunatley I can't really make any recommendations for the area. however, if you she is looking for someone to talk to (friend wise) in the area who understands on a more personal level, I would love to talk to her (even if by computer!). You're more then welcome to PM me and I could give you my contact information. I know it sometimes help to talk to someone who understands and is dealing with the same kinds of issues.

[PizzaFish]

I kind of identify with what you're going through... I switched majors after my freshman year and didn't really think about it, just blurted it out because it was something I was good at in high school (and because I really didn't know what I wanted to do). I actually wanted to go into psych (ha ha) more but was afraid because it was an impacted major at my school and it would make my life difficult -- turns out my life is actually more difficult now because I would have had better chances at getting a job with psych than with what I majored in.

I probably have BPD myself so my advice should be taken with a truckload of salt, but I'd suggest going into something that you'd really love despite the hurdles rather than something that seems easy at the time. I wouldn't give up my awesome undergrad for the world but I would give it up for a time machine =p

Also re: wrong choices in general - if it sounds bizarre, it probably is. Personal example: I've asked WAY older guys out in the worst way possible FIVE TIMES, and each time I'd find different ways to justify it. The worst that can happen isn't rejection, it's having that embarrassing memory stick in your head for years... so take it from me, just say no =p

If I haven't offended you yet, you're welcome to PM me to talk ^^; I'm new here too and could do with some friends.

[kashmir0]

What's important to remember is that BPD does not define you. If you want a better life, if you're sick of BPD, then beat it! You have the power to heal yourself. No meds or doctors will do it for you. They can help but they are not the solution.
That said, I think that if you feel your psychologist is not helping, look for a new one. Once you get that spark of connection with your psych, you'll know it. I find that especially those of us who have BPD benefit from this.
I have BPD also and I majored in psychology in college, so I'm speaking from experience. If you ever need help or have any questions, feel free to PM me.
Keep us posted.

[SophiaFlying]

I hate it too.It has ruined my life. I feel like I have wasted the last 15 years of my life. I know this isnt true, but I have struggled and tried and struggled and nothing seems to work. I lost my career and now am on SSD. I graduated very high in my class for my masters and now I am unable to do anything, but try to control my thoughts. I am very, very tired of it all. It stinks.