You know you're borderline when...

When you want to destroy anyone that even looks at your kid sideways...

I can SO relate. I want to go kick some sdministrative people at my Daughter's school because she has ADHD and they have decided her wiggling/disruptive/inattentive behavior is "self-soothing" so they don't have to do anything about it

When you act on impulse arghh

when you don't know what to do with an emotion. For me its either rage (and I mean RAGE - yell, scream, throw tantrum, etc) or cry. And then I get mad for not being able to deal with it like a "normal" person. Argh!

^^When you get that strong emotion--the deep sadness or the rage--while recalling things that happened 30 or 40 years ago! Then you wish you could just lose your memory (which is quite detailed) so you wouldn't feel those strong feelings.

When no one at work knows your borderline and your co workers (counselors and therapists in training) talk about a patient they think is borderline and say how they hate borderlines and can't deal with them, that they never get better or if they do, it takes soooooooooo long. And then you realize, ALL therapists MUST be this way, because I am so worthless, and an idiot, and no one likes me because I scream borderline. And yet no one knows you are or can tell, so you must be doing something right. And then you type it all into a computer on PC and realize what a dork you are being, because you can't stand the thought of your T hating you. And .... and ...... and........ You could go one forever, but it all starts to sound the same so you just stop.

-You have a bad day and decide the only ones who truly care about you are your cats. Then your cats won't cuddle so you decide they hate you too.

-You get annoyed with someone for asking so many questions about how you are. They stop asking, and you decide they don't care.

-Your therapist tells you she'll be back from holiday on a Tuesday, and she'll see you on a Friday. You feel rejected because she'll be back at work 3 whole days before she's going to bother seeing you.

-You'd like to think that you're your psychiatrist's favourite patient. Then she calls someone else in instead of you, and you decide she hates you and doesn't really want to see you.

-When for whatever reason, people from 2 different parts of your life are with you at the same time, you feel completely confused and have no idea how to act.

-You beg your psychiatrist to discharge you from hospital. Eventually she does, you go home and cry about your discharge.

-You lie to your psychiatrist about something destructive you're planning to do. You go ahead and do it, then become angry with her because she believed your lie and didn't stop you.

-Someone asks you to pick them up an item of clothing. You get exactly what they ask for, then they decide they don't like it. Even though this really has nothing to do with you, you automatically feel as though they hate you because of it.

-You tell everyone you have no interest in dating the guy you're sleeping with. He then tell you that he doesn't want to date you, and you take this as proof of how worthless you are, and feel angry with him.

When you get a call from your daughter's school that she was upset and may have misunderstood something, and you want to go choke the living $hit out of the teacher before you know what happened

YKYB when you get angry thinking the only reason your husband married you is so he won't have to clean up after the cats. Never mind the fact that he has an anatomical weakness somewhere in his pharynx, causing a hyperactive gag reflex, and you can handle cat messes far more easily than he can. YOU know the truth. You were created and put on this earth for the sole purpose of changing litter boxes and mopping up puke, and that's all you're good for. When you hear him gagging because he's just found a fresh mess, make no mistake, that's his way of criticizing you for not staying on top of it. If, by chance, you are ill or hurt, and can't do the chore, and he does it and it makes him gag and vomit, you should feel guilty because you failed him.

((LoveBirdsFlying)) I feel that way too a lot of times with my boyfriend with different- yes granted we are not married but we have bene living together for a while...

When your tolerance for attention seekers goes riiiiiiiiiiight out the window..

When it's so much easier to give up on yourself before someone else does

when you write an email to your SO (who knows that your already struggling), you apologize for just about everything in life, telling him how much your a burden to him and the girls and everyone would be better off without you. Then you get pissed b/c he doesn't respond to your email, even though he said he would email you b/c he knew how you were feeling. So you feel like you where right the entire time. You are a burden and making everyone else unhappy, they would all be better off without you, and you are truly a piece of s h i t. Only for him to email you back 2 hours later telling you that his & the girls life would be so much worse without you and how much they all love you. Oh and the reason he didn't get back to you right away is b/c he was trying to get homework/studying done so he could spend most of the weekend with you b/c he knows how bad your feeling. So then you feel even worse about yourself. I hate BPD!

My daughter is going to see her therapist on monday because I am so concerned and I can't get my daughter to tell me whats up

YKYB when, any time you act normal or competent, you tell yourself you're being a phony.

Someone you know sends you a message via fb saying how her mother came back and now she's gone again - for good this time and she can feeling the borderline crap creeping back and all you can think is your own mother has been dead since you were almost 16 (20yrs now) and she never has come back and your own BPD doesn't just "come back" either. You have it 24/7 365 days of the year sometimes 4 times in a 5 minute window and you really want to give this person a reality check but then she'll cry all over her fb demanding "poor me" replies and that would just make you more angry. If that's at all possible.

When you dial 911 and tell the PD that you have a BB gun and can't figure out how to load it, hang up on them and they don't here the BB part and coming banging on your door seconds later!

when you "friend" someone online then stalk them to see who else they are friends with and what they have been talking about, and to make sure they like you better than anyone else. When you read their other conversations you feel jealous that they prefer other people to you so you "unfriend" them. Then you hate yourself for being such a pathetic loser for having no "friends" online.

... when you have a perfect, loving spouse but you are totally unable to show affection or love half the time, and you in fact do terrible things to sabotage the marriage - and your life - every so often; when you feel guilt for happiness; when you feel guilt for everything that is not negative; when you distrust the world and keep your children extremely close at all times because of it; when you become a tsunami of love and rage all in one massive wave any time you are not medicated; when you go from happy to extremely anxious or rageful in one minute ... and that's normal for you.

I once called 911 from a pay phone and told them I had a bottle of such-and-such prescription with me, how many would I need to take for it to kill me? They didn't answer, just sent an ambulance. The EMT's didn't answer, just took me to the ER. The ER doctor didn't answer, just held me for an emergency psych eval. The psychiatrist didn't answer, just had me admitted.

Nobody ever answered the doggone question.

...I like the picture just above.....I am like the cornered lion dude...

emotionally blitzed!

even a stable persons mood swings can be severe, but mine are permanent.....the next shot of the lions could be me rippin that thing apart....,

but more likely I will feel too guilty or something and opt for the self harm .....

yeh they don't answer those kinda questions...

it's taken so many ambulances and shackles and hospital visits for me to realise ....I just tell them I need sedation and fast!

I don't want to follow through with my urges....not really...despite the powerful reasoning in my head...

Iv'e been in an episode for nearly two weeks....and there was one ambulance...early on when I panic...

but I managed to tidy up and do some shopping today...despite being quietly demolished ...emotionally blitzed...

I try seek comfort and not worry people that care..

but they do...

it's ok

okidoki

somewhat vague am I

is ok

when you get an email from your "mother-in-law" explaining the presents she's sending for the girls. You read this line "The girls are to be able to take these outfits home with them (meaning their other home) and wear them all that they wish." And completely flip out. I obviously know that when she says take them home, she doesn't mean our house. Does she need to state the obvious. And then all you want to do is cry b/c it just hits more home that they don't live with you and you can't stand that.

And you wonder if your MIL even realizes how much crap the girls get from their mother when they bring gifts from our house to her home. (The girls have told us that their mother gets upset with them, rants at them, and sometimes will take thier gifts and throw them, forbid them to take them out of the house, or will tell them to take them back to their dad and tell him to quit sending s h i t home with them.) Why does my MIL always have to get them things to take to that house! OK so I'm just really upset by the whole thing. Sorry for the rant.

When your making gifts for your boyfriend sister and mom, cuz you dont have much money to blow this year-
And Boyfriend says- well i will have to buy my mom a gift now, This due to cuz I put a small thing in the "survival backpack" that he got his dad (I put in a damn thing that you can pack clothes in that compacts the cloths (I get them for a dollar)- i had an extra one and thought it would be a good idea for a survival pack....?no?)... But since he says he will have to buy his mom another gift- I take it so wrongly at the time thinking that the gifts that I am making (candle gifts for his mom which are coming along) are not good enough for her- or that is what he saying... and why even finish it if he is going to go out and buy her something, or if he is going to do that then just give it to her yourself- and say he had nothing to do with it (cuz I think she will like it).... it ticked me off for a moment in that since--

I just don't understand how to give someone a "survival Backpack" with nothing in it-- I think there should be some small things- I know we can't afford much, but come on- a dollar cloth compactor equals to go buy another gift for his mom? I don't see how the item i put in the back pack is 2 gifts-- it goes all in one in my head.

Beauflow: I do the exact same thing. Especially when I'm making gifts and my SO makes a comment about getting something else to go with it.

When you are in DBT and the dbt group t's "want to talk to you for a minute" and you freak out and will say whatever they want you to, just so they will go away
(They talked to me about being too sleepy and being unfocused, asked if they could just say my name and get my attention when I'm unfocused, I of course said yes, when I really wanted to say "seriously, you think I'm ok with you drawing attention to me? Really?? fck you!!!" I of course did not say what i really wanted to....)