[Confused_1982]

I waited so long for a dx... I always knew there was something different about me- the way I reacted to situations, the way I felt so angry at everyone, how I could never control my emotions etc etc. But everyone put it down to being a teenager. I KNEW it was something else but didnt know what it was.

Then with my current T I started doing some research and asked him about personality disorders. He agreed and brought up BPD but wouldnt give me a dx because he thought it didnt matter what the dx was - that treating the symptoms was the main concern. Anyway, I went on and on at him until he said "Confused, you have BPD". As much as I hate the way I am, it feels good to belong for once in my life, albeit to a dysfunctional family Now I know I'm not some kind of freak...wait, who said I'm a freak...I knew you wouldn't understand...why did I even bother bringing this thread up...I hate you, why don't you just leave me alone...no wait DONT leave...why are you leaving me...

Anyway, how do you feel about your dx-has it helped you?

[bpd2]

I'm more inclined to see a dx as a way to for the medical community to facilitate treatment--that is: which medications are likely to help, which kinds of therapies.

So, having a diagnosis is very helpful for me as it was the only way to come to the best treatment practices we know of for the condition(s).

However, I keep these ideas in mind, too: in a book called Perspectives of Psychiatry, the authors, McHugh and Slavney, identify four approaches to a suffering person. The first of the four seeks to identify disease--or, what the person has. The second seeks to identify a person's dimension, or who s/he is. The third focuses on behavior, or what the person does. The fourth, the one I value most, seeks a holistic understanding of what patients want and what they become.

The last one is oh, so hard: look at the volition involved: want and become....things I have agency in....

The life story that is what I hope for. When the helping professions knows what to DO to help us (which is what the dx is for--for their guidance), then they can support me while I try get what I want and need--that is, peace, meaning, relief from psychic pain, relationships.

The surgeon general's criteria for mental health are: "the successful performance of mental function, resulting in productive activities, fulfilling relationships with other people, and the ability to adapt to change and to cope with adversity." That's what my doctors are trying to help me toward. It's what I think I want. (Although...there are days .....)

Mostly, it was worse when I didn't seek help and when I hadn't been diagnosed. Far worse--especially since I had taken on the responsibility of having children.

[sneaker_pimpin101]

Confused, I feel the same as you. I have been through the ringer with diagnoses. At 17 it was depression. At 20-23 it was PTSD, anxiety, depression, a personality disorder no otherwise specified, insomnia, nightmares, etc. At 25 it was bipolar disorder which was pushed down to anxiety.

As of late I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and crazy mood swings (granted, the crazy mood swings have always been there). I tried to get medicated for the anxiety this year and the psychologist (after putting me on kolonopin and me blacking out into a very violent rage of a weekend) finally sat me down and said "After looking at your chart completely and looking at your history and hearing the way that you talk about life and the way life is I feel that you have borderline personality disorder." I asked him how he thought that I fit into that specific diagnosis and he read off the DSM symptoms and my whole life came flooding before my eyes. Everything that I had done and everything that I had thought of doing... all the emotions and the feeling of not being understood and jumping from one relationship to the next made complete sense. I actually started to cry from the relief to have a name to put to my thoughts, feeling, emotions, and self.

While at the time I was scared and confused, albeit relieved, I did a lot of research and found answers (Thank you, Google). I explained it to my boyfriend, who embraced the diagnosis and now tries to calm me down before things get overbearing.

I still have my outbursts and my calmer times and my insecurities but I am trying to find ways to help myself while I wait to get into DBT (which is who knows how long of a wait). I am also (finally) going to see my counselor for the first time since dx (three weeks ago) tomorrow. I see the psychologist again in the first week of January to start off the new year. Hopefully he has news about DBT and when I can start it (hoping that it is in a time that I don't have school).

Isn't it odd how such a diagnosis can help more than hinder? I am much happier now that I have answers or an answer to everything I have been feeling since I was 16-17. Now if only I learn how to not fly off the handle.

[khansmom]

I was relieved to receive a name for what I was feeling but lately I feel like others see it as an excuse that I use. I want to scream and tell them this is why I do what I do. I want to print everything I can on BPD and make them read it.

[ECHOES]

I discovered BPD through reading and asked my fairly new therapist if she thought it fit. She did, but she didn't present it to me because she doesn't focus on the diagnosis and she doesn't want her patients to get hung up on the diagnosis.

When she agreed with my conclusion that BPD fit me, I really felt relieved. I felt relief from the "FREAK!" label that I always felt (imposed by me and by others). And I felt like I had a starting point. "You are here: X" And finally I had an explanation for and validation of the very intense emotions that seemingly innocent events can trigger. The diagnosis also meant that I didn't have to hide this episodes, that I finally had someone to talk to about them who understood me and could help me learn more about what was happening.

Beyond the diagnosis, the work is personal and much deeper, and meaningful. I'm glad that I was able to find a reason for why I am how I am and someone to help me move toward being who I want to be, and feeling much better.

[kashmir0]

At first I was sooo relieved that they managed to put a name on my ''condition'', but over the years, it holds no importance for me anymore. I don't need a label to define who I am. I react impulsively, am quick to anger and dependant of others NOT because I have BPD, but because this is my psychological makeup.

[tattoogirl33]

Originally Posted by khansmom

I was relieved to receive a name for what I was feeling but lately I feel like others see it as an excuse that I use. I want to scream and tell them this is why I do what I do. I want to print everything I can on BPD and make them read it.

I just tried this and was accused of making myself fit the symptoms, instead of the symptoms fittin me.. he acted as if I've known about this disorder for the past 9 years of him "knowing" me and have made myself fit it just for the heck of it... I give up