[Evil Schnoodle]

Hi everyone -
I'm a 39 year old man who was just diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder (oh yeah...and generalized anxiety disorder and dysthymia...let's not forget about them). I'm still in a state of shock since a month ago I thought I was diagnosed with depression. I have so many questions, and decided to sign of on this community board to seek support and share my experiences. I guess my main issue right now is acceptance. I'd like to share parts of my story , and I would love feedback about how this fits into BPD.
Every since I was young I felt different, somehow less than other people. I always thought other people were smarter, more attractive, more fortunate. As a kid I would hit myself, I really hated myself. Of course we had family deaths and my dad moved out, etc. All my life I have been seeking comfort from relationships, but it seems each partner was angry, abusive, depressed. I would blame them, withdraw, and turn all my anger inward. I often had fleeting thoughts of suicide, but only had two attempts. I also frequently doubt the decisions I make, who I want to be, and have been prone to do some really impulsive things (drinking while driving, etc.)
Does this story sound familiar to anyone?

[Rapunzel]

Your story sounds familiar in many ways. I relate to feeling different, and less than others, and seeking help through relationships and not finding what I needed, and turning anger inward, .... Some of my story would not be the same as yours, but there will be others who relate to those parts.

Try not to let all the diagnoses get to you. All they are is descriptions of your symptoms and the patterns that have been going on in your life. Those patterns and symptoms make sense given the life that you have experienced and your needs and what you didn't have at those critical times. Your task, and your treatment now, is to understand those needs and get them met as far as possible in the present so that you can move forward and change the patterns. It is a lot of work, and sometimes it might seem like it is too much. But you have made it this far, and you can move beyond all of that if you are willing.

[missbelle]

Your story sounds a lot like the stories here. Boy, are you at the right place, and acceptance..well thats what we are all about. Thank God for that...You can post and most of us will completely get it!
Thanks for joining!!

[Evil Schnoodle]

Missbelle and Rapunzel- Thank you for your words and for welcoming me. I think I will feel at home here. I particularly liked the advice to not get hung up on the diagnoses. I am an expert at feeling shame, guilt and for self-blaming. After my recent suicide attempt, I was hospitalized at a place that had 6 hours/ day of DBT skill training. I loved it. Since my discharge I have been doing mindfulness meditations, working on a skill book, and going to AA. I start with my new psychiatrist next week, and he is asking me to committ to 12-18 months of "dynamic deconstructive therapy". He claims that it is intensive, but can lead to a complete remission of BPD symptoms. Has anyone here been through this type of therapy? What did you think of it?

[swingbeatnik]

Sounds very familiar, actually, pretty much same as me.

[beautifuldisaster78]

Originally Posted by Evil Schnoodle

Hi everyone -
I'm a 39 year old man who was just diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder (oh yeah...and generalized anxiety disorder and dysthymia...let's not forget about them). I'm still in a state of shock since a month ago I thought I was diagnosed with depression. ....I guess my main issue right now is acceptance....Every since I was young I felt different, somehow less than other people. I always thought other people were smarter, more attractive, more fortunate....I also frequently doubt the decisions I make, who I want to be, and have been prone to do some really impulsive things (drinking while driving, etc.)
Does this story sound familiar to anyone?

Yes... all of what I quoted you in above sounds spot on. (except I'm a 32 year old female... but was also recently diagnosed). I've also had multiple diagnosis in my life. I think a lot of psychologists/doctors/therapists, whoever... avoid this diagnosis until they've tried other things. It takes awhile to get to this conclusion. But anyway, welcome. I've been a member since last year, but left a long time and just came back when this diagnosis came up.

[Evil Schnoodle]

Welcome back! Did multiple diagnoses mean multiple meds? I just started on lithium a few weeks ago....and hate it !
I've had a 20 lb weight gain, blurry vision, slurred speech...and I'm not sure its helping. Aaaahhh!

[beautifuldisaster78]

Originally Posted by Evil Schnoodle

Welcome back! Did multiple diagnoses mean multiple meds? I just started on lithium a few weeks ago....and hate it !
I've had a 20 lb weight gain, blurry vision, slurred speech...and I'm not sure its helping. Aaaahhh!

I think I've tried just about every antidepressant in the book. I also take Adderall, Xanax, and Librax. Doc just started me on Lamictal but it takes forever to get to a therapeutic dose of it so I've been pretty emotionally out of whack- quitting the antidepressants and going to basically nothing for a month (as I taper up on the Lamictal.) I had just tapered of Celexa and started wellbutrin but after 3 weeks it caused my anxiety to be so severe I couldn't stand it. Not sure if that's because of the Adderall with it or what but it wasn't working.

Have you had your blood checked lately for your Lithium? Defanitly ask to switch to something else if there are nasty side effects like that! There are enough meds out there that they can find one that doesn't give you such bad reactions to it. Are you on anything with it?

[tryingtobeme]

Welcome Evil Schnoodle. Love the name by the way. I too am BPD. Your story sounds familiar. I have not had the type of therapy your doc was saying about. So I can't help there. Meds, I was on 5 different meds. It really depends on the person for how many meds you are on. You may have to try different ones until you find the right now. Good luck. PM if you want.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Quite a few aspects of your experience do sound very familiar to me indeed. You are not alone. I am glad to see you reaching out here... this seems to be a very supportive group of people.

Take care. x