..they say we are wracked with confusion

I'm old enough now to recognise it...but can I stop it?

if we weren't so damn thoughtful throughout the pain...(I read recently 'the pain of the future/past and present'..)...ambushing me ...it's relentless...

how does that equate to the indecision with relationships?

I one day love someone (and obsessively...quickly and suddenly and there is no energy to match it!)

then next day I hate the person with equal intensity...and both are acted out....and over and over

so sensitive to every signal...it drives me INSANE...

I'm reading #%@* that isn't even there maybe?
but I feel it..from another level

"don't contact me..leave me alone"...

"oh man....baby don't GO!"

"I can't stand you...you are the worst"....(censored by me)

and it's not just lovers...but friends and family also

..so much time analysing others thoughts based on triggers and trying to behave like I never think so twisted just makes me look more clumsy...and creates an impossible ammount of negative information.

sorry for the 'beaten' sound of all this...

I am emotionally blitzed...or having a breakthrough perhaps?

sometimes so much happens inside and ...I just haf to sit there and take it.

I don't feel worthwhile...I have no 'base'..to myself...it's that 'identity' thing...

the emptiness is in cahoots with the lack of self!?

I know all my borderline characteristics....

and I try desperately to get an identity out of that....some-one told me once they would get and wear a shirt that said

"hi there dimwits...I'm borderline"
don't know if they did...but I watch for it ..that elusive t-shirt

I don't need the shirt but I liked the idea...it was audacious!

so I do my best to explain that I am not in control of this person I don't know very well but well enough to know I want to behave..

I know immediately what I don't like...but not what I like
it's a mystery?

I have spent alot of time alone...not only to save others from my crap...but to learn what I might like

getting close to people freaks me out...because only after I have pissed them right off ..do I miss them...

and one hand taps the table...the other is clenched a little bit...

geez I cleaned my bathroom today and damn those taps are shiny!

and deflected I did ...it's hard to share stuff sometimes

but thats ok

.....ok...

thanku for being kind..

i never saw things as unmet needs!

but it's likey true..

thanks again, that helped me considerably

I will go 'look'

for....new ideas...but those you provided will suffice for now

j

[Hearty]

I should not have said anything.

I apologize for being intrusive...really.

I don't know what I'm talking about...blame it on my insomnia.

But I meant well...yes...

Take care dude.


Edit: In case it sounds like I'm saying goodbye...I meant take care of yourself today...

[BrokenNBeautiful]

A lot of my bpd is from unmet needs and the inability to meet them myself.

Billi

[Hearty]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

.....ok...

thanku for being kind..

i never saw things as unmet needs!

but it's likey true..

thanks again, that helped me considerably

I will go 'look'

for....new ideas...but those you provided will suffice for now

j

Thanks for letting me know. Hope it leads to something concrete...

..thats ok...

it's just I never 'really' see myself as needing needs met....or never saw it!

or something?

I've been gettin' through life thinking and believing that my needs were to fulfill others needs..

I was always asked and manipulated when I was young ..to conform to those around me...so I have been annoyingly very much programmed to seek approval....to even get scraps of validation...

so it's as if my needs were to satisfy others to get that "i'm ok then"...

but so often I would break down and fight back...but no-one was and never is ready for it!...the complete malfunction and abuse they get from me...

I don't reckon I ever asked for nuthin!...to busy doin' whats been asked of me..

so in this recent emotional blowout with my ex....that you suggested "my needs are unmet"

yes that has had an impact on me

many many therapists and so forth could have saved me hundreds of hours if they just let me see that perhaps..
it's a very important and new thing for me...I could go on and on....but that'll do..

thanku again M