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#1
Jan 25, 2012, 11:44 AM
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My main thing that I can't get out of my head lately is why can't I keep a relationship or a man? Either I can't stand them and I don't want to be with them or the good ones I sleep with or like so much I seem to push away. I realise sleeping with them isnt a good idea so ive stopped.. but now that ive stopped im not getting layed and i dont have any guys.. Even the guy i really like im not sleeping with and yet hes not intesrested but he likes me alot as a friend? WTH! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!? Why can't I keep a relationship? Why do I feel like I try to hard? And when i dont try at all nothing happens either? AM I broken? Is something wrong with me? Seriously! I don't want to be alone any more.. I want a relationship.. I want a role model for my kids.. someone they can look up to.. Why am I so stuck on a relationship? I keep saying oh heck with it i wont look any more and i dont need a man but yet I can't get it out of my head. I cry at night cause im so lonely.. I have my kids.. Why isn't my life good enough? One minute it can be the next im in tears cause im lonely! WTH!!!
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#2
Jan 25, 2012, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
Also the part I think you need to focus on is this.. Quote:
Also, I'm going back to the sleeping with guys.. The good ones that you sleep with.... Are you sleeping with them on the 1st date? How well do you know them?... Depending on the answer they may not be a "good" guy. Quote:
In regards to the two questions that your asking... I think it goes back to the beginning.... 1. How long do you know these people before you start sleeping with them? 2. What is the reason that you push them away? You do seem a bit obsessive with guys. You do seem to think sleeping with a guy is a way to keep a guy and that's why you don't have one. The fact you stopped sleeping with guys is a good thing (imo). I think you are trying to hard because of this obsessiveness. There's nothing wrong with you and you're not broken. I think you need to be comfortable being with yourself and get to the point where a guy doesn't equate to happiness. My questions to you, I think, will give you some insight as to what the problems will be. Hopefully something helps.. Answer those questions, and maybe I can give you some ideas..  take care -cbox 
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 Forgive77
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#3
Jan 25, 2012, 03:07 PM
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Well I use to sleep with guys when I first met them... Mainly at bars and such. Then started meeting them online and it was a few dates.. All my exes (the ones i dated i made wait like 1-2 weeks)
Cuase I always find something to pick at... Dont even know what.. Looks, materialistic things, things they do.. |
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#4
Jan 25, 2012, 03:17 PM
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You could just swap to girls like I did! Lol just kidding. I won't be any help on this topic bc I'm so biased towards males I don't know. Just wanted to send hugs
 and say welcome to pc! you'll really like it here!
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#5
Jan 25, 2012, 04:34 PM
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I thought I replied to this already.. Darn it... Doglover! I wish! I tried to but i think women are just as difficult some times! lol
CBox- Answer one... i use to meet men at the bars get drunk and use that as an excuse to sleep with men. Then i started using online dating sites to meet men... Meet them a couple times if that then sleep with them... The guys i dated i waited like 1-3 weeks... I push them away because i am picky... I pick them apart.. I like to think there is mr right out there and ill know who he is immediatley... and i wouldnt pick him aprt! |
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#6
Jan 26, 2012, 12:26 AM
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Hi,
Well my overall opinion is.... With the bars and online dating it really doesn't sound like there was anything significant other than a good time for both. So you can't hold any of that against yourself or say that you're broken because of them. They were what they were. I get that there's no fun in not having sex, but in your case I think it's good for you. For this reason... I think, you need to try and figure out why you're so picky.. What is it you're looking for in a guy? Is it realistic? Are you're expectations to high? (I don't need answers to those questions their for you). I'm not saying settle, but until you figure out the answers to those questions I suspect any relationship you have will be short lived, and just repeating your patterns.It seems like your pickiness is your way of being destructive in relationships, and this may be how your bpd manifests itself. You have the hard part now, and that is taking what I said and trying to figure it out... I do think in your situation not having sex is a good thing, until you figure this out. All of this is my opinion.. take care, -cbox |
| Forgive77
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#7
Jan 26, 2012, 03:54 AM
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Been here done this about 20 years ago and I agree with cboxpalace.
Nothing like the male perspective to make things clearer. Well done Cbox!
__________________
Success in not final; Failure is not fatal; It is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill 
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#8
Jan 26, 2012, 08:49 AM
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Wow Cbox - you have a lot of good perspectives on this.
BB, I would agree with Cbox, it seems you view men as objects. Something to be 'picked'. It's not so easy as saying, 'OK, I want that one there, so I'll go get him, sleep with him and we're a couple'. I also have a feeling a guy doesn't respect a girl if things proceed too quickly. I'm not thrilled with the stereotype, but it still seems it's the guy's job to ask and the girl's job to say 'no' for some socially acceptable time frame, at which time it can change to 'yes'. Well, maybe that's just my generation (I'm 49). Yet the fact that the words "*****, slut, loose woman" are still used in today's society and there do not seem to be any equivalents for men, then I think I've kind of proven my point. There's also something to be said for getting to know somebody first. If sex comes too quickly, you get emotionally committed to a point where you may not be able to see the red flags that are waving you in the face, saying "RUN!".
__________________
“Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.” - Mahatma Gandhi |
| Forgive77, Jamielow
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#9
Jan 27, 2012, 10:43 AM
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Thank you Cbox.. Def some things that I need to go over with myself... I think I maybe a bit unrealistic.. I need to open up to the people who want to come in and leave the people alone who don't want to come in. Does that make sense? I seem to chase the ones that dont really want to be part of my life and the ones that do I close up and pick them apart.. Im a bit obsessive as well...
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#10
Jan 27, 2012, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
 Now that I can get my mind out of the gutter... it does make sense... however, I think, what you also need to do is when you notice yourself nit picking ask yourself why you're doing it, and challenge yourself to stop those thoughts so some knew ones can come in... 
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#11
Jan 27, 2012, 12:27 PM
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HAHAHA Thanks for the actual LOL
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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