[MrGrendel]

For new years i stayed in my room all day while the rest of my family was out in the living room drinking and chatting. I think its the noise that really gets to me, its overwhelming and i feel self conscious and it just feels bad in general to be around people. I also get really irritated because all i want is some breathing room and it seems like i dont get any. I KNOW that other people probably have it much much worse ive been to therapy groups and felt like an asshole just for ever having felt bad when i heard their stories but i guess it just gets to me. Anyway i guess the point is im having real trouble getting it through to my family that the reason that i need their help with so i can get my life going and all that but it just seems like we constantly argue over small pointless things all the time. Gahhh i dont really know how to put it all into words and make it short and sweet, it feels like there's alot and there is... My mum is sorta bats and kinda just yells and keeps everyone on edge at least once a day and i cant feel ok around that. I want peace and quiet and i have anxiety just constantly eroding my whatever it is anxiety erodes. And ive tried talking to her but its liek talking to a wall really. Anyone else have a living situation like this? Conversations just seem to quickly degenerate into arguments and flaring moods and having BPD doesn't help one bit because il either end up just being angry for the rest of the day or feeling like life is hopeless and then il drown myself in online games to numb my brain. i saw some threads about happy places and that sounds amazing but i dont know how to make that happen in my house since people have the communication skills of monkeys in heat in this house (myself included) and just like yell through walls and doors and demand things from like the kitchen to someone thats int he basement or into their bedroom. or taking a ****. and then get mad when they dont get an answer.. first post guys bear with me sry if its like completely unanswerable

[ChaoticSymphony]

Hey, you sound like you may suffer from some hyper vigilance...is it the sounds that really get you irritated or what they are saying? Either way I completely understand what you are saying. Being in a busy house myself I understand the need to isolate in your room to TRY to block out what is going on just for some peace. If you scream "SHUT UP" then you look like the asshole but if you explain it calmly you sound like a nut job or you are unheard. It sucks.

I think Chaoticsymphony is right it does sound like hypervigilance - something which i myself suffer from so i comepletely understand where your coming from. I don't know how old you are but i found the only way i could resolve the crumbling relationship i had with my mum was to move out. I got given a place in a youth housing scheme because i was suffering from abuse in my home at the time and i wasn't considered safe. From there they helped me find a flat i love and im really happy here. I don't know where you live or if this would be an option for you but im from the UK so if you are too i would check it out. How about going to stay with some other relatives for a bit? Could you go stay with an aunt or a grandparent once a week? You could agree to do some chores for them or help them out with some errands in return for their hospitality and it might help you and your family get the breathing space they need. Good luck sweetie

[MrGrendel]

yes noises do indeed drive me bats/irritate me. its like horrible static background noise that i try to block out. lamentably i dont have the option of moving out. I'm 22 and im not working atm because of classes i stopped working when the fall term began and most of my family is in peru and i live in the US. And indeed i have tried to explain but they just keep doing what they do. il have to read up on hyper vigilance maybe i can find some tips. I also had a freak out last winter and so my father is worried about me and seriously he's spying on me like when im outside smoking i catch him staring out of the window and that keeps me on edge too >.>
Also they dont seem to get that arguments upset me alot like to the point where i get almost depressed and or angry for a really long time afterward. so yeah ur right its a space issue but i dont really have alot of options atm as far as moving out but thank you for your replies glad i got to talk to someone that understands ^_^

Originally Posted by MrGrendel

yes noises do indeed drive me bats/irritate me. its like horrible static background noise that i try to block out. lamentably i dont have the option of moving out. I'm 22 and im not working atm because of classes i stopped working when the fall term began and most of my family is in peru and i live in the US. And indeed i have tried to explain but they just keep doing what they do. il have to read up on hyper vigilance maybe i can find some tips. I also had a freak out last winter and so my father is worried about me and seriously he's spying on me like when im outside smoking i catch him staring out of the window and that keeps me on edge too >.>
Also they dont seem to get that arguments upset me alot like to the point where i get almost depressed and or angry for a really long time afterward. so yeah ur right its a space issue but i dont really have alot of options atm as far as moving out but thank you for your replies glad i got to talk to someone that understands ^_^

Im sorry you don't have a lot of options - is there a civic centre, or place you could go like the library or gym when you just need a moments piece? - i know you wouldn't be able to spend ages there but perhaps some time out might make the world of difference? Keep talking on here if you need too, we're all ears sweetie. PM me anytime if you need to chat

[MrGrendel]

il do just that actually. might help just to spend more studying in the library than at in the house and give everyone some room plus il do better work if im not boggged down by house stuff . tyvm for ur replies

[Rosie23]

Stress makes me like that. I pull away from everyone. I can't deal with all the noise everyone makes. Even if it is laughter and fun things. But anyone angry or upset I run and hide from. I just don't have the emotional strength to deal with everyone sometimes.

[RaggedyAnn67]

Earplugs are very useful for me! I NEED them. I keep them stocked up in my home.
I also put a note on my front door that says "Do not disturb". (if you have that option)
I applied at subsidized apartment complexes to get out on my own. It took a year; but if you applied now, it is an option that you could make available for yourself later.
And, try to just start focusing on 'today'. When something is upsetting you, perhaps getting online and posting here could help? Call a friend? I personally have the local crisis line on speed dial to talk to someone!

[unaluna]

Noise pollution is a real thing. I don't know if this is hypervigilance, you may be a "highly sensitive person"? There is a book about that. I will never forget when my brother was trying to set up my mother's new TV, he had the volume on high and kept getting something wrong so it kept defaulting to loud static - I went into her bedroom and put a pillow over my head and I could STILL hear it! After a while I just I lost it! How can he have a phd and still be so stupid not to be able to run a tv installation menu? Arrggh! Then they yell at me for not quietly telling them why I was getting upset. And they say *I* have no common sense! Can you move to the attic, would that be quieter?

[BorderlineBrittany]

Wow this sounds like me yesterday! My family trys this Family fun night thing ever sunday... And we are a large very loud family... And by the end i just had to go lay down in the living room then my sisters is like why are you laying down why dont u just leave! I got so pissed i said because i have to wait for my daughter! (she was at her dads tell 9) Then about 20 min later i just got up and went to a friends.. lol My family doesnt believe in BPD.. or drugs.. Well this side of my family.. And its so frustrating to get anything through to them! And me and my dad are so much alike all we do is fight and get on each others nerves.. He never listens to me.. Its irratating but i think i may just stay away from the house for a few weeks to calm my nerves.. My anxiety was so high yesterday.. I just wanted to scream at someone but i know that would cause more issues...

[PleaseHelp]

I am also very sensitive to noises. I get migraines easily, so the noise thing is an issue. Doesn't help that my SO likes everything loud (I swear he's partially deaf) and when the girls are with us - can we say NOISE. But who said 2 10 yr olds could be quiet. I do have to say that when I have a headache they try very hard to be quiet.

Could you apply for assisted living? Like RaggedyAnn suggested. It can take awhile, but it would be worth it. Do you see a T? I know when I was really struggling I had a T, pdoc, & case manager. My case manager was able to get me out of my living situation b/c it was so toxic/chaotic.

Here to listen. PM me if you wish.

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by MrGrendel

...people have the communication skills of monkeys in heat in this house (myself included) and just like yell through walls and doors and demand things from like the kitchen to someone thats int he basement or into their bedroom. or taking a ****. and then get mad when they dont get an answer.

LOL. My house too - except I'm the Mom. And I'm the quiet one. Finally I told my kids "Look, whoever wants something has to go to the floor that the other person is on and just say it in a normal voice". I'm thoroughly expecting I may have to repeat this a few times before it becomes habit for all of us. Other than that, for fighting or other generally aggravating loudness, earplugs work quite well. I just tell everybody I've got them in so they don't get pissed off when I don't hear them.

Oh and BTW - Welcome to the community MrGrendel

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by MrGrendel

since people have the communication skills of monkeys in heat in this house (myself included) and just like yell through walls and doors and demand things from like the kitchen to someone thats int he basement or into their bedroom. or taking a ****. and then get mad when they dont get an answer..

Oh my! Sounds like my house. Welcome to PC!

[MrGrendel]

haha well it does help to just post on PC. handn't even considered moving out just wanted a little nook for myself is all. But the assisted living DOES sound like an option, maybe it will come to that. I mean its not just the noise, my family doesn't really understand what mental illness is. My sister actually told me to just "get better already so we can all move on". They dont get that im sort of stuck with this and its not like i suddenly contracted it, ive been like this probably since always. they just became aware that im crazy for the first time last December and its been uneasy since then but to them, it seems, its more like they think okay its been a year so u should be normal and happy now so get over yourself. AND ive taken to thinking this way about myself too, but after reading some of the threads here and seeing just how many people seem to share my experience im starting to challenge that view of myself.. but yeah thats sorta the situation here

[PleaseHelp]

Originally Posted by MrGrendel

I mean its not just the noise, my family doesn't really understand what mental illness is. My sister actually told me to just "get better already so we can all move on". They dont get that im sort of stuck with this and its not like i suddenly contracted it, ive been like this probably since always. they just became aware that im crazy for the first time last December and its been uneasy since then but to them, it seems, its more like they think okay its been a year so u should be normal and happy now so get over yourself. AND ive taken to thinking this way about myself too, but after reading some of the threads here and seeing just how many people seem to share my experience im starting to challenge that view of myself.. but yeah thats sorta the situation here

My "family" never understood my mental health either, in fact they would use it against me. "lovely" people.

Please remember that this isn't something you just contracted and can just get over. This is something that you'll probably deal with in some form or another your whole life. I believe we can all get better. Don't be so hard on yourself.

[MrGrendel]

hey thank you PleaseHelp. it really means alot that you understand what i mean. i feel like a whiny %^&* alot of the time. it just feels like im going in circles and nothing ever gets solved because NO ONE LISTENS! so i just give up and live with it. im soooo tired of accepting other peoples needs over my own and having no one listen when on some rare occasion i open up. ty so much for listening

[PleaseHelp]

Originally Posted by MrGrendel

im soooo tired of accepting other peoples needs over my own and having no one listen when on some rare occasion i open up. ty so much for listening

I am having a difficult time putting this in words. I hope it sounds the way I mean it too, if not please ask.

Sometimes you have to put yourself first. I know this is a much easier thing said than done. I still struggle with it myself.

I am here to listen.

I'm OK with noise. It's the content of the conversations that make me sick. I cannot be around family members for any length of time. I've eliminated contact with most of my friends and family due to conversations triggering me. It's the BPD inside of me but it's also the content of the discussions. They always seem to be very tragic and depressing and a lot of times I can "hear" the subtext which is : Why aren't you doing more for me you selfish bit&H?"

I hear it loud and clear and it makes me angry and violent. I could act-out and scream but Im the "quiet" type of BPD, so instead I rage inside until I almost self-implode. For now, I keep my distance from the others.

If an environment isn't a calm and supportive one, then it's not good for me.