[xenabaiche]

Hey,

Me and my mother are best friends. I'm very close to her and I feel quite dependent on her. I keep picturing her dying and I start to freak out. I'm terrified to death to lose her. I feel like if I ever lose her, I'd jump off a bridge because I wouldn't be able to handle it. Thankfully, she's only 40 years old and healthy, but accidents happen so I'm always worried.

Has anyone here with BPD ever lost a parent who was extremely close? How did you handle it? I start to get really anxious just thinking about it.

[missbelle]

Your mom is three years younger then my older daughter........this is about life not death......I am so glad you are best friends. Wow..How lucky you both are. Mindfulness teaches us to live in the present, not the future or the past. Enjoy the wonderful relationship with mom....have fun........You cannot live with "what if's"...Find some meditation books on worry, or healing and maybe that might help. I have one on worrying. Its meditations for every day. Before my last surgery I read it every nite....It helped

Thinking of you!!

[nicoleb2]

I am 31 and have bpd. My mom died 3 years ago when she was 49. My dad died 15 years ago when he was 46.

The only difference I have seen between myself and my siblings as we were coping with these deaths is that they seemed to allow their emotions to come and go freely, while I stuffed everything away.

Losing a parent is incredibly hard, but as one who has, I want to tell you that yes, parents can and do die young, but enjoy what you have. Do things together as though today is the last day you'll have.

Spend the time together enjoying it, not worrying about when it will end. If you spend all your time worrying, when she actually dies, you will always think of the things you could have enjoyed had you not been worrying

my dad died when he was 43, i was only 7.. honestly i think that is a huge part of my illness.. he and i were really close. i guess that doesn't really help, sorry.

but i can relate.. i'm scared something will happen to my mum..

hugs.

Hi xenabaiche, welcome to PC.

My mum was recently diagnosed with a growth in her brain that will eventually require extremely risky surgery. I was devastated when i found out. She isn't in good health generally and to hear this was like a final blow. We've been terrible to each over the years and i will take that regret to my grave. All i will say is continue to cherish the wonderful relationship you have with your mum - at the end of the day you don't want to feel as though you could have made more of each other's company. You say your quite dependent on your mum, is there any way you can help her out more if she needs it? or maybe you can organise some fun days out together? If you find your anxiety continually overwhelming you may want to seek some professional advice or as i think someone else mentioned on here, try some mindfulness techniques/workbooks. Sending hugs (if ok)

[Perna]

What about your father? It sounds like you have put all your eggs into one basket and it's not a basket you control. You need to make your own life, your mother is supposed to be your mother, not your best friend. My mother died when I was 3 so I had a great deal of trouble worrying (as you're doing) about what would happen when my father died. Fortunately I had a good therapist and husband and we straightened it all out. I recommend you not keep leaning on your mother in this way or you will make it extremely difficult for yourself when she dies.

[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by Perna

What about your father? It sounds like you have put all your eggs into one basket and it's not a basket you control. You need to make your own life, your mother is supposed to be your mother, not your best friend. My mother died when I was 3 so I had a great deal of trouble worrying (as you're doing) about what would happen when my father died. Fortunately I had a good therapist and husband and we straightened it all out. I recommend you not keep leaning on your mother in this way or you will make it extremely difficult for yourself when she dies.

While I agree that it is very important to make your own life, I have to disagree that "your mother is supposed to be your mother, not your best friend". As a child and teen, I had the usual adversarial relationship with my mom, but as I grew into adulthood, she became my friend, so I don't see the two as being mutually exclusive.

Also, I can see where not leaning on your mother is important, but regardless of whether you lean on your mother or not, when you are very close to someone, it is extremely difficult when they die.