I'm so unwell

I'm so messed up right now.
I need to sort my life out, i'm letting the control of it go.
I did stupid things yesterday, ended up in hospital, ran away from hospital, if a friend and a housemate hadnt have stepped in would have possibly been sectioned.
walked out of my workplace causing EVERYONE hassle.
Now today i decide to start seeing things clearly, but i still dont know how to FIX things, i need to get better but i dont know where to start with that.

I cant keep doing this over and over again.

I WANT TO BE NORMAL! and by that i dont mean be perceived by other people as normal or be a textbook version of normal, i just want to feel normal, like for myself i am ok and i am balanced.

I totally understand. I don't know what it's with us BPD'ers. We want to be normal, there is a normal person inside of us that wants to come out. We just haven't met her yet.

Oh gosh im so glad ur ok! we were all concerned for you What help are you receiving, if any? Is there a way you could supplement this support or increase it? Deciding you want things to change is half the battle in my view. Once your on the right treatment programme things should hopefully start slotting into place. Keep posting if you need to vent, we're all here for you

Aw...Widgets. I'm so sorry. I've seen you be totally undercontrol here...you'll get there again. I know it! We still love you, and God forgives, and still loves you. That's where you start baby. No where to go but up now. Thank goodness for friends huh? Gotta love the ones who help cover your a s s even when it gets sticky!! xoxoxo