I don't know why either of us bother

This relationship is obviously doomed. We've been doing this dance since I was 16, and when we got together in 09 it was obvious we wanted different things, but wanted to give 'us' a chance. I don't even think compromising is optional.

So what if we love eachother? It's not enough! And WHAT is enough for me anyway? Do I want devotion? commitment? or some kind of hero worship? Nearly 28, and NO idea what constitutes a healthy relationship. I push him away, accuse him of horrible things. Instead of walking away or retaliating, he texts me, saying he wants to see me, he misses me

I don't get it, I'm sure I'm not what he wants, why doesn't he just leave?

And YTF can't I stay mad long enough to break it off? What's wrong with me? Why do I melt? Why's he so nice after I was so rude? We've taken breaks of up to a couple of months, due to my tantrums, but somehow those months apart never mean anything, we always find ourselves right back here.

Why didn't I tell him to go to hell? Why do we bother?

Guess I just wanted to rant, nobody irl really knows what's going on, and right now neither do I.

I've decided to retract my earlier melting reflex. I'm not going to visit him, maybe I should change my number again, altho that didn't really help last time

I don't want 'this', yet I want him. I'm just gonna turn off my phone. that way the urge to contact him might subside.

He's been my closest friend, for 12 yrs...Why do I think he's out to get me? Why do I think I'm some source of entertainment to him? Why do I think he's yanking my chain? NO EVIDENCE OF ANY OF THIS, yet it's true, to me anyway, and it hurts, so ******* much, and still I love him.

I'm nuts. That's the problem

HE LOVES YOU!! THAT'S WHY!!

I used to do this to my husband too! "Why do you love me? Why do you love me? Why do you love me? There must be something wrong with you if you would put up with all of this! You must be psycho, or have a huge lack of respect for yourself!!"

The thing I learned is, that he is a really good man, and loves me no matter what I do, or say, because he sees the real me with a good heart. What a melter huh? So when I finally gave in, and realized that...I started treating him like a king, and was so grateful. No one else has put up with my 'stuff'. He deserves a medal...but I still let him know who's boss. =) xoxoxoxo

PS If you cut your phone off and all that crap...I'm going to fly to South Africa, and personally whip your butt! Accept the love!!!

Then why doesn't he defend himself when I throw accusations at him? Doesn't his silence scream 'guilty'? I'm so confused, and so hurt, and I'm not even sure why!!

He he he he....well....My husband has learned to keep his mouth shut in these types of situations, as to not upset me more...but then him saying nothing upsets me too. So he can't win...so it sounds like the same thing. Don't anybody move...she's going crazy...don't breathe or make a sound. The situation sounds very familiar to me!! LOL

Wow... There's really more 'me's out there hey

idk what to do, I already sent another nasty text

Thanks so much for your support and understandin

I feel ya. The only thing that is seperating me from my estranged alcoholic husband and our sick unhealthy crap is him being in jail.
He's been living with his mom since November of 2010 but he and I would still text back and forth. He'd show up. There was push pull. It was a nightmare from I felt I could never escape. In over my head to the max.
My therapist and I are working on establishing firm boundries. but he said it's not gonna happen over night.