[MDDBPDPTSD]

Hi. A service man, sent by the landlord, came to my home to day to do some repairs.

While he was here, twice he went off into a monologue. The first time, he started telling me how a family member of his is mentally challenged. He used some very harsh words to describe his nephew's actions that, to him, demonstrate the young man's stupidity. He talked for a good 3 - 4 minutes straight and just devalued his nephew the whole time.. and then, towards the end of his speech, he denigrated his whole family, basically saying that he was far too intelligent to be related to them. The entire time he was saying all this, he had tools in his hand and was standing between me and the front door.

It made me uncomfortable, but I thought it was just because of my past abuse and my sensitivity to being vulnerable.

He went outside, put those tools in his vehicle and came back in, presumably to collect the rest of his stuff. He got more tools together, including a large wrench. He had both hands filled with tools and was standing in the kitchen. He looked at me and started talking to me again about stupid people. He went on for about 10 minutes in another monologue. He touched on several subjects, from weather and changes in tectonic plates, the solar system, the universe, sci-fi movies, how stupid people should be executed, his nephew's future, cannibalism, annihilation of millions of people, how hard people fight when they know they are about to die, plankton harvesting and his admitted harshness. At one point during this monologue, he set some of the tools down, so he had one hand free.

I was already uncomfortable with him standing there talking about such gruesome ugly subjects, but then when I saw him free up one hand and holding a large wrench in the other, I had my home phone in one hand and then I grabbed my cell phone in the other. I input 911 on the cell phone and had to keep doing so, because every ten seconds or so, the phone would return to the home page. I was trying to keep 911 up on the phone, so if this guy did try to hurt me, all I had to do was press the "call" button and help would be on the way.

My anxiety increased the whole time he was talking. I looked him in the eye, except when I had to re-input 911 on my phone. I can't really explain it, but I saw anger in his eyes. I got an overwhelming feeling that he wanted to hurt me. I was frightened, but I did not know what to do. So I sat there and listened, with the phones at the ready.

I got the feeling he knew I was afraid and was enjoying that. I tried my best to not show my fear, but still did what I thought of to protect myself.

He moved toward me twice, while making hand gestures appropriate to the topic about which he was speaking. Problem was, the topic was not appropriate. Each time though, he moved back to his original position. He did NOTHING aggressive toward me. NOTHING AT ALL. I kept reminding me of this fact. I tried to comfort myself with it.

After his second monologue was over, (don't know what made him decide it was over) he picked up the other tools, one of which was a cordless drill, and walked out, saying he would be back later in the week to finish to rest of the job.

Once he was gone, I still felt uneasy about the whole encounter. I remembered a former therapist telling me that sometimes we have instinctual feelings about someone who is dangerous and that those feelings are there for our safety. She said I needed to learn to trust those feelings and listen to them. On the other hand, I also thought, well, I am overly sensitive to other people's potential to harm me (and others.) I am not paranoid, but I am avoidant of people in general, because of the harm I have experienced in the past.

Trying to figure out if my feelings were the helpful warning type or the more irrational fear type, I decided to check the sex offender registry to see if he was there.

He was listed as a registered sex offender.

So,after all this lengthy explanation, here is what I need advice on:

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

Obviously, I need to cancel our appointment later this week. But what about when something does need done around here? Do I not call the property management company because I do not want this guy coming to the house?

Do I tell the property management company that he is a sex offender, in case they don't know they are sending a sex offender into people's homes? If I do that, won't that just piss him off, perhaps to the point of coming after me?

I have tried to get someone to come over when he is here, but since I have isolated myself so much, my list of people to ask is slim and I have not been able to secure anyone.

I have read that most BDPers have a history of being abused. Do any of you find that you attract abusive people? How have you learned the necessary skills to protect your self from these people? Do they seem to be attracted to you?

I have thought that somehow these folks (antisocial personality and psychopathic) can see the word "victim" on some of our foreheads. Even though I do stay to myself, it seems there is always at least one of them around. It is sickening.

I really do not know the best thing to do. Any sincere feedback is appreciated.

Sorry this is such a long post, but I wanted to include all the facts in order to give you a more accurate picture of the situation.

Thanks again.

[summeryoga]

First of all, you had EVERY right to be scared. Your intuition (and basic intelligence) was sending you strong signals. You then did your research and validated your fears - He is a CONVICTED SEX OFFENDER. You have EVERY RIGHT to make sure he never enters your home or comes near you again.

This is what I would do in your shoes (which does not make it necessarily the right thing to do):

1) Yes, cancel that appointment.
2) Be assertive with your landlord in the following ways:

- Let them know he is a sex offender and you have the right to refuse allowing him into your home.
- Let them know he made you extremely uncomfortable with his body language and by divulging too much personal information.
- Request strongly that your landlord find a different maintenance person to fix things in your neighborhood.
- Assertively request that they no longer do business with this man, without mentioning you at all, but on the premise that they do not hire sex offenders. They can 'fire' him without mentioning you at all; let them know that.

You have every right to have been uncomfortable, to trust your instincts in this case, and to refuse to allow him in again.

[Towanda]

Wow, creepy creepy. This guy was definitely up to something. My radar was up just reading your post! I would definitely call your property management company, tell them this guy's behavior was inappropriate, and that under no circumstances do you ever want him in your home again. I would also notify your local police. Yes there is nothing they can do legally but you want this on record. Make sure you keep records of your own of who you talked to, when, what time, what was said, etc, etc. Also go back in your memory and write down clearly what happened, in sequence, the day he came to your home. Include your feelings - scared, frightened, etc. Make it as complete and detailed as possible.

In the future, keep your screen door, if you have one, and your door locked, and front light on. I don't want to scare you but if this guy has marked you as a "victim" he may try to come back even if he's been told not to, under some false pretense ("I left my xyz tool in your home") If you see him within 100 yards of your home, don't even hesitate - call 911 immediately. When you go in and out of your home and get in your car, lock it immediately.

I don't say all this to scare you - that is not my intent. Chances are good that he'll never come back. But it pays to be safe, to take that extra time and precaution. If something like this ever happens again, DON"T HESITATE to tell the person "You need to leave now or I'm going to call the police" and then do it. Don't be polite and continue listening. You're very, very lucky that guy left when he did without hurting you. The way you said he was rambling it could have gone either way, and you need to be strong enough to protect yourself. ***** being polite or nervous - your life could be at stake!

By the way, look back over what you said in your post. You said he did "nothing aggressive". Yet you also said at one point he was "holding a large wrench in his hand" and at another time "he moved toward you twice". Those are both aggressive actions on his part.

Please be safe MDD - please post again and let me know how you're doing - I'm concerned about you

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Thank you so much for your help. At least now I know that I can not allow him to come back.

I think I will contact the landlord and tell them what happened.

I am hesitant to do so because I just moved here and I do not want them to think I am the problem. I do not know how long they have known the repair guy or what their relationship is.

I think I will also call my therapist on Monday, when she is in the office and get some advice from her too.

At least that way, if something does happen, someone will know who this guy is. This is just sickening.

I am so glad that I can count on my PC friends to help me cope and think. You do not know what your help means to me. Thank you so much.

Hi MDD, sorry i deleted my original post - i was going over and over in my head about wether or not what i was saying was relevant. I think Summeryoga put it clearly and concisely however and Towanda, as ever, made some very good points. I really wish i could have been more conclusive in what i wanted to say. My head is a bit of a fog right now so im more unhelpful than usual! Really hope you get this matter resolved - ill be thinking of you, stay safe hun

[nicoleb2]

Definitely talk to the landlord. Even if they do not want to hire someone instead of the creepy guy, you should be able to request that they provide an additional person should any work need to be done within your apartment. My husband does maintenance at our building, and he had to have a background check. thats creepy@!

[roads]

I don't know how much you're up to dealing with this, MMDBPDPSTD. I hope you are able to let the landlord know what you experienced when the man was in your home. The landlord should be the one to deal with the management company & their employment of a sex offender. The landlord is the one who ought to be outraged at the idea that the company s/he hired would send a registered sex offender into the homes of his/her tenants.

I would, however, as yourself or anonymously if that is possible, report the man to his probation officer. At the least, I would talk with their office to find out what these men are permitted to do--such as be alone in people's homes, carry tools that could be considered weapons, etc.

I would not be too worried about his coming after you, because you will not be the only person her has terrorized. There will have been many.

You ought always, though, to be careful--keep doors locked, etc.

Take care, & stay in touch.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

******UPDATE*******

I spoke with my therapist this morning and she agreed with y'all that I had the right to refuse to allow this person back into my home. She agreed that was probably the best way to handle the situation. I called the property management company. They were shocked to hear about the guy's convictions and said that I did not need to worry about him ever coming back here. They asked me to give them some time to get another repair guy. Of course, I had no problem with that. They thanked me for bringing this to their attention. I feel so much better for taking care of myself and being able to continue living here in safety. Thank you all so much for your input. It really did help. Y'all are wonderful.

I have thought that somehow these folks (antisocial personality and psychopathic) can see the word "victim" on some of our foreheads.

You assumed correctly.

If you think a psychopath is trying to get a rise out of you as this bloke clearly was, just react calmly and logically. You might get into an argument, but it's less likely they'll see you as an emotional squeezie toy.

You could anonymously inform his job about how to acquire the same info that you acquired....or have a friend call.As far as him coming back,I'd cancel,or simply not answer when he came by.Try to be aware of doors being locked,and keep that phone nearby.Ugh what an awful thing for you to experience.I really like how you tried in every way to check yourself for where these feelings were coming from and whether they were rational.But,as you can see....sometimes we are leery....other times we are justified in it,and better safe than sorry you know?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Michael D.

You assumed correctly.

If you think a psychopath is trying to get a rise out of you as this bloke clearly was, just react calmly and logically. You might get into an argument, but it's less likely they'll see you as an emotional squeezie toy.

So my tactic is correct then Thank you for verifying that.

MDD, so glad you stood up for yourself and made that call. Really glad you're safe

[dazeofdolphins]

Hi!
Thank you for your informative post and for your update. I agree with everything SummerYoga said and with everything you did. I know this matter is pretty much resolved but I did want to share something with you: you are amazing and an inspiration to all humans. I heard no dysfunction in your voice and would never guess you suffered with MI. You handled this matter in such a healthy manner. I read and heard your words but detected no BPD features. That tells me you have a handle on your "illness" and have probably had some really good therapy. Why am I saying this? Because BPD gets a bad rep and people suffering with BPD are often blamed, leaving them to ask "what is wrong with me?". You didn't go there. You maintained perspective and held him accountable for his behavior. Yes, some people do attract certain types but in this case, you did nothing to attract him to you. And your gut feeling about him being a sex offender was a brilliant call! Lastly, let me say that when I read your post I became quite nervous and anxious - for you and for me. I actually experienced fear. Without divulging too much, I will share that I am a trained professional with a strong interest in BPD. I wrote my graduate thesis a zillion years ago on BPD. Having said that, you knocked my socks off with your artful behavior and determination. Whatever you are doing to care for yourself, keep it up, it's working beautifully!
Respectfully,
Dazeofdolphins

[annyatanya]

It is good that you listened to yourself and reported him.