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Old Jul 04, 2012, 08:23 AM
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I have learnt more about the disorder I was diagnosed with at seventeen at my currant age of nearly 41 through having alot more reading info from the internet and books . However Im confused at some the stuff that has been written about bpd in regards to attention seeking behavouirs . I find it insulting really and wondering does this upset other people with the disorder . I have never in my whole time with this disorder did anything on purpose to attract attention to myself .Yet I have at times been treated like Im seeking attention for myself when really Im in desparate need of help for Im unble to control my intense distress of the given situation . I would like to know if other's with bpd get treated like there creating attention to themselves and how they feel when you read stuff about bpd saying about being attention seeking ?? I know it angers me .
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  #2  
Old Jul 04, 2012, 11:25 AM
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Im currenly undiagnosed, in the process of getting evaluated, can't see a psych until the 17th. But I've read alot on bpd and attention seeking, it does make me angry considering it happens with other mental disorders as well. I've been called an attention seeker many times since childhood, when I was 12-13yrs and my family and others would tell me I was just looking for attention and bringing all my problems onto myself, well Im 20 now and my mental health hasn't gotten any better, and now Im trying to seek help, not what they think is attention or sympathy, just help. Thats just my pov.
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  #3  
Old Jul 04, 2012, 12:35 PM
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Perna Perna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline View Post
I have never in my whole time with this disorder did anything on purpose to attract attention to myself. Yet I have at times been treated like Im seeking attention for myself when really Im in desparate need of help for Im unble to control my intense distress of the given situation.
I think this is the rub; there are healthy ways to ask for help and, for lack of another word, "extreme" ways. No one says they are "on purpose" but, my calling suicide lines to get connected to therapy because I did not know other ways of asking, other words to describe what I "needed" besides extreme ones, is a means of attracting attention to myself.

One T I playfully threw a shoe at once in the waiting room, thinking nothing of it, we had been seeing one another for quite a while and were comfortable with each other, he had made a bad joke or said something that necessitated shoe throwing and he later blindsided me with the "attention seeking" and, if I think about it, yes, an adult does not throw shoes at people, no matter what one's "intent"?

"They" have to describe our behavior. We can't be taught to handle our distress on our own if it is not first described and understood by both the helper and ourselves. Until we can understand how and why and that yes, we don't behave like most people when with others, we cannot do anything about that behavior.

Fastest for me was to just accept that other people see what they see and see truly for themselves. If my behavior looks to them to be X, then I have to accept it looks to them to be X and decide do I want to look that way to others? When several people in one day tell me to "Smile", getting mad at them is not the point? I have to get on the same page with them, I have to understand that my not being happy is obvious to everyone around me, I am "leaking" my unhappiness and it's not just my problem. If the rest of the world is telling me to "smile" then I probably ought to try smiling and see what happens. http://healthpsych.psy.vanderbilt.edu/2008/Smile.htm

If my T or books and online sites I read and respect tell me I have attention seeking behaviors, then I would probably accept that and go looking for them so I can better understand them to help myself learn to behave in different ways that might get me better quality help (than throwing shoes :-)
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  #4  
Old Jul 04, 2012, 02:30 PM
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Attention seeking is not necessarily something people consciously do, and some will take whatever "attention" they can get, even negative attention if positive attention isn't forthcoming. It is really a descriptor of a behavior more than a comment on right or wrongness. All people do this as some point in life; it is pretty typical behavior in childhood. As a teacher I see it all the time.

It isn't necessarily a bad thing except when maybe it is happening because people are unable to attend to their own needs in a healthy or effective way so they try to get those needs, that are normally fulfilled by people on their own because they've learned how to do this through proper attention as they developed, by other people in ways that aren't typical or appropriate for the situation, developmental age, etc.
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  #5  
Old Jul 04, 2012, 10:47 PM
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acrosstheborderline acrosstheborderline is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose View Post
Im currenly undiagnosed, in the process of getting evaluated, can't see a psych until the 17th. But I've read alot on bpd and attention seeking, it does make me angry considering it happens with other mental disorders as well. I've been called an attention seeker many times since childhood, when I was 12-13yrs and my family and others would tell me I was just looking for attention and bringing all my problems onto myself, well Im 20 now and my mental health hasn't gotten any better, and now Im trying to seek help, not what they think is attention or sympathy, just help. Thats just my pov.
good luck in seeking help for your condition , yes it is annoying that people or family member's cant understand where people with bpd are comeing from with their emotions in stressful situations so blame it on attention seeking instead . hang in there , take care
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  #6  
Old Jul 04, 2012, 10:50 PM
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acrosstheborderline acrosstheborderline is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by farmergirl View Post
Attention seeking is not necessarily something people consciously do, and some will take whatever "attention" they can get, even negative attention if positive attention isn't forthcoming. It is really a descriptor of a behavior more than a comment on right or wrongness. All people do this as some point in life; it is pretty typical behavior in childhood. As a teacher I see it all the time.

It isn't necessarily a bad thing except when maybe it is happening because people are unable to attend to their own needs in a healthy or effective way so they try to get those needs, that are normally fulfilled by people on their own because they've learned how to do this through proper attention as they developed, by other people in ways that aren't typical or appropriate for the situation, developmental age, etc.
thanks for this giving me alittle bit more understanding of attention seeking no your right nobody does purposely makes plan to attention seek .
  #7  
Old Jul 04, 2012, 10:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna View Post
I think this is the rub; there are healthy ways to ask for help and, for lack of another word, "extreme" ways. No one says they are "on purpose" but, my calling suicide lines to get connected to therapy because I did not know other ways of asking, other words to describe what I "needed" besides extreme ones, is a means of attracting attention to myself.

One T I playfully threw a shoe at once in the waiting room, thinking nothing of it, we had been seeing one another for quite a while and were comfortable with each other, he had made a bad joke or said something that necessitated shoe throwing and he later blindsided me with the "attention seeking" and, if I think about it, yes, an adult does not throw shoes at people, no matter what one's "intent"?

"They" have to describe our behavior. We can't be taught to handle our distress on our own if it is not first described and understood by both the helper and ourselves. Until we can understand how and why and that yes, we don't behave like most people when with others, we cannot do anything about that behavior.

Fastest for me was to just accept that other people see what they see and see truly for themselves. If my behavior looks to them to be X, then I have to accept it looks to them to be X and decide do I want to look that way to others? When several people in one day tell me to "Smile", getting mad at them is not the point? I have to get on the same page with them, I have to understand that my not being happy is obvious to everyone around me, I am "leaking" my unhappiness and it's not just my problem. If the rest of the world is telling me to "smile" then I probably ought to try smiling and see what happens. http://healthpsych.psy.vanderbilt.edu/2008/Smile.htm

If my T or books and online sites I read and respect tell me I have attention seeking behaviors, then I would probably accept that and go looking for them so I can better understand them to help myself learn to behave in different ways that might get me better quality help (than throwing shoes :-)
I get your point , you cant stop negative behavouir if you are unaware your doing it .
  #8  
Old Jul 05, 2012, 07:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline View Post
good luck in seeking help for your condition , yes it is annoying that people or family member's cant understand where people with bpd are comeing from with their emotions in stressful situations so blame it on attention seeking instead . hang in there , take care
Thank you, Im just hoping to know what is going on idk what it is could be anything. I did start therapy my second session is on Monday, and the psych works for the same place, he's just on vacation. I just want to know what is going on, so I can better cope in the future.

As for my post it really is from experience that attention seeking is not just with bpd but other conditions as well, and we really don't realize when we do it (in bad ways), but I don't see it as ever too intentional, just maybe not realizing, or knowing the what proper ways to ask for attention at the moment idk, confuses me, it's like in my head i know how "I should" behave, but the behavior doesn't articulate itself to others the way it should, and a lot of, well most all the time I behave based on impulses when it comes to talking, or interacting with others. I get called out on it all the time, "think before you speak or act", and yet they also tell me I overthink everything It's like I'm one way in my head and another when I interact with others
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  #9  
Old Jul 06, 2012, 07:20 PM
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acrosstheborderline acrosstheborderline is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OctobersBlackRose View Post
Thank you, Im just hoping to know what is going on idk what it is could be anything. I did start therapy my second session is on Monday, and the psych works for the same place, he's just on vacation. I just want to know what is going on, so I can better cope in the future.

As for my post it really is from experience that attention seeking is not just with bpd but other conditions as well, and we really don't realize when we do it (in bad ways), but I don't see it as ever too intentional, just maybe not realizing, or knowing the what proper ways to ask for attention at the moment idk, confuses me, it's like in my head i know how "I should" behave, but the behavior doesn't articulate itself to others the way it should, and a lot of, well most all the time I behave based on impulses when it comes to talking, or interacting with others. I get called out on it all the time, "think before you speak or act", and yet they also tell me I overthink everything It's like I'm one way in my head and another when I interact with others
yes I agree with you and its not intentional seeking attention . Just unware of if these emotions do run into extreme with bpd .
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  #10  
Old Jul 06, 2012, 11:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline View Post
I have learnt more about the disorder I was diagnosed with at seventeen at my currant age of nearly 41 through having alot more reading info from the internet and books . However Im confused at some the stuff that has been written about bpd in regards to attention seeking behavouirs . I find it insulting really and wondering does this upset other people with the disorder . I have never in my whole time with this disorder did anything on purpose to attract attention to myself .Yet I have at times been treated like Im seeking attention for myself when really Im in desparate need of help for Im unble to control my intense distress of the given situation . I would like to know if other's with bpd get treated like there creating attention to themselves and how they feel when you read stuff about bpd saying about being attention seeking ?? I know it angers me .
I do get treated that way and even when I am not, I am scared I am being treated that way.

I never learned, even , how to get attention "the right way" and in my experience it was because when I did, once upon a time, I did not get it and I started trying harder to get it. Example: I am a baby, in my crib and crying and not getting food or water or diapers for DAYS (aunt told me and i believed her). My mother ignored me or could not take care of me. I stopped crying after a while because on a subconscious level, I knew I was not going to be taken care of. And that memory is imprinted in my brain, still.

When someone hurts me, I either get very upset or I shut down. I don't know how to do it in the middle. I never learned how.

BPD diagnosis/label just stinks so much when it makes others feel like I am just "trying to get attention". When I was in day treatment in 2009, they thought I was just getting attention when my aunt died. I was numb, I was angry, I could not even react, but I was very upset and I SH'ed. They thought I was just doing it to get attention and ignored me harder than ever!

So, yes, I got that treatment.

And I hated it.

If my mentor had not helped me leave that place and taken me to the beach that last day, I might have ended myself.

Billi
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  #11  
Old Jul 08, 2012, 04:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline View Post
i have learnt more about the disorder i was diagnosed with at seventeen at my currant age of nearly 41 through having alot more reading info from the internet and books . However im confused at some the stuff that has been written about bpd in regards to attention seeking behavouirs . I find it insulting really and wondering does this upset other people with the disorder . I have never in my whole time with this disorder did anything on purpose to attract attention to myself .yet i have at times been treated like im seeking attention for myself when really im in desparate need of help for im unble to control my intense distress of the given situation . I would like to know if other's with bpd get treated like there creating attention to themselves and how they feel when you read stuff about bpd saying about being attention seeking ?? I know it angers me .
yes yes yes!
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  #12  
Old Jul 08, 2012, 05:54 AM
Anonymous32912
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....I seem to want attention when I am well or at least I don't mind it because it seems to fit with being well? ...then all wierd that same attention seems to help make me really unwell and I don't want it any more and just want to hide in a hole somewhere in the dark...but while I am hiding away I get sicker and sicker and thats probably when I need some attention but what I usually get by then just freaks me out and I have to go and deal with it by myself.
I don't think we seek attention but rather just some understanding
Thanks for this!
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  #13  
Old Jul 08, 2012, 07:01 AM
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acrosstheborderline acrosstheborderline is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billi_leli View Post
I do get treated that way and even when I am not, I am scared I am being treated that way.

I never learned, even , how to get attention "the right way" and in my experience it was because when I did, once upon a time, I did not get it and I started trying harder to get it. Example: I am a baby, in my crib and crying and not getting food or water or diapers for DAYS (aunt told me and i believed her). My mother ignored me or could not take care of me. I stopped crying after a while because on a subconscious level, I knew I was not going to be taken care of. And that memory is imprinted in my brain, still.

When someone hurts me, I either get very upset or I shut down. I don't know how to do it in the middle. I never learned how.

BPD diagnosis/label just stinks so much when it makes others feel like I am just "trying to get attention". When I was in day treatment in 2009, they thought I was just getting attention when my aunt died. I was numb, I was angry, I could not even react, but I was very upset and I SH'ed. They thought I was just doing it to get attention and ignored me harder than ever!

So, yes, I got that treatment.

And I hated it.

If my mentor had not helped me leave that place and taken me to the beach that last day, I might have ended myself.

Billi
Im so glad to hear you had someone there for you that had a big impact on you to get you out of the place you were in .
  #14  
Old Jul 14, 2012, 08:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dubblemonkey View Post
....I seem to want attention when I am well or at least I don't mind it because it seems to fit with being well? ...then all wierd that same attention seems to help make me really unwell and I don't want it any more and just want to hide in a hole somewhere in the dark...but while I am hiding away I get sicker and sicker and thats probably when I need some attention but what I usually get by then just freaks me out and I have to go and deal with it by myself.
I don't think we seek attention but rather just some understanding
I totaly agree with you we do just want understanding of a emotional pain .
  #15  
Old Jul 16, 2012, 06:09 PM
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To be honest with you, I do have attention-seeking behaviors. For example, if I am in group therapy and I am not getting enough attention I will sit there and throw a quiet tantrum until I get attention. This quiet tantrum includes me huffing and crossing my arms, usually. I do not know why I do this other than the fact that I guess negative attention is better than no attention at all. I think this whole behavior stems from my fear of abandonment. I feel like if people are paying attention to me they are less likely to leave me. I know that it makes no sense, but I do not know how else to explain it. Sometimes I feel like I am emotionally still a child. I feel like I never really grew up and was able to act like the adult I am in an emotional sense. I still throw tantrums when I do not get my way. I still collect stuffed animals and sleep with one, even though I also sleep in the same bed as my fiance. I still dress almost like a kid sometimes. I do not know why this is. I think that BPD really robs you of being able to experience your adulthood as you were meant to.

Sorry for the rambling. I hope some of that makes sense.
  #16  
Old Jul 19, 2012, 06:54 AM
Anonymous32715
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After reading this thread, I wonder if the constant invalidation of feelings by healthcare professionals perpetuates the attention seeking behaviours and stigma associated with BPD.
  #17  
Old Jul 19, 2012, 01:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acrosstheborderline View Post
I have learnt more about the disorder I was diagnosed with at seventeen at my currant age of nearly 41 through having alot more reading info from the internet and books . However Im confused at some the stuff that has been written about bpd in regards to attention seeking behavouirs . I find it insulting really and wondering does this upset other people with the disorder . I have never in my whole time with this disorder did anything on purpose to attract attention to myself .Yet I have at times been treated like Im seeking attention for myself when really Im in desparate need of help for Im unble to control my intense distress of the given situation . I would like to know if other's with bpd get treated like there creating attention to themselves and how they feel when you read stuff about bpd saying about being attention seeking ?? I know it angers me .
I've been avoiding this thread like the plague because of this. lol I feel the same way.
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