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#1
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I have learnt more about the disorder I was diagnosed with at seventeen at my currant age of nearly 41 through having alot more reading info from the internet and books . However Im confused at some the stuff that has been written about bpd in regards to attention seeking behavouirs . I find it insulting really and wondering does this upset other people with the disorder . I have never in my whole time with this disorder did anything on purpose to attract attention to myself .Yet I have at times been treated like Im seeking attention for myself when really Im in desparate need of help for Im unble to control my intense distress of the given situation . I would like to know if other's with bpd get treated like there creating attention to themselves and how they feel when you read stuff about bpd saying about being attention seeking ?? I know it angers me .
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![]() AngelWolf3, Forgive77, OctobersBlackRose, shezbut
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![]() AngelWolf3, crazylife, Forgive77, MDDBPDPTSD, OctobersBlackRose
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#2
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Im currenly undiagnosed, in the process of getting evaluated, can't see a psych until the 17th. But I've read alot on bpd and attention seeking, it does make me angry considering it happens with other mental disorders as well. I've been called an attention seeker many times since childhood, when I was 12-13yrs and my family and others would tell me I was just looking for attention and bringing all my problems onto myself, well Im 20 now and my mental health hasn't gotten any better, and now Im trying to seek help, not what they think is attention or sympathy, just help. Thats just my pov.
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Wir sind was wir sind English We are what we are MDD w/psychotic features, BPD |
![]() acrosstheborderline, AngelWolf3, shezbut
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![]() acrosstheborderline, AngelWolf3
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#3
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One T I playfully threw a shoe at once in the waiting room, thinking nothing of it, we had been seeing one another for quite a while and were comfortable with each other, he had made a bad joke or said something that necessitated ![]() "They" have to describe our behavior. We can't be taught to handle our distress on our own if it is not first described and understood by both the helper and ourselves. Until we can understand how and why and that yes, we don't behave like most people when with others, we cannot do anything about that behavior. Fastest for me was to just accept that other people see what they see and see truly for themselves. If my behavior looks to them to be X, then I have to accept it looks to them to be X and decide do I want to look that way to others? When several people in one day tell me to "Smile", getting mad at them is not the point? I have to get on the same page with them, I have to understand that my not being happy is obvious to everyone around me, I am "leaking" my unhappiness and it's not just my problem. If the rest of the world is telling me to "smile" then I probably ought to try smiling and see what happens. http://healthpsych.psy.vanderbilt.edu/2008/Smile.htm If my T or books and online sites I read and respect tell me I have attention seeking behaviors, then I would probably accept that and go looking for them so I can better understand them to help myself learn to behave in different ways that might get me better quality help (than throwing shoes :-)
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
![]() OctobersBlackRose
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#4
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Attention seeking is not necessarily something people consciously do, and some will take whatever "attention" they can get, even negative attention if positive attention isn't forthcoming. It is really a descriptor of a behavior more than a comment on right or wrongness. All people do this as some point in life; it is pretty typical behavior in childhood. As a teacher I see it all the time.
It isn't necessarily a bad thing except when maybe it is happening because people are unable to attend to their own needs in a healthy or effective way so they try to get those needs, that are normally fulfilled by people on their own because they've learned how to do this through proper attention as they developed, by other people in ways that aren't typical or appropriate for the situation, developmental age, etc. |
![]() acrosstheborderline, OctobersBlackRose
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#5
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#7
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#8
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As for my post it really is from experience that attention seeking is not just with bpd but other conditions as well, and we really don't realize when we do it (in bad ways), but I don't see it as ever too intentional, just maybe not realizing, or knowing the what proper ways to ask for attention at the moment idk, confuses me, it's like in my head i know how "I should" behave, but the behavior doesn't articulate itself to others the way it should, and a lot of, well most all the time I behave based on impulses when it comes to talking, or interacting with others. I get called out on it all the time, "think before you speak or act", and yet they also tell me I overthink everything ![]() ![]()
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Wir sind was wir sind English We are what we are MDD w/psychotic features, BPD |
#9
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![]() OctobersBlackRose
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#10
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I never learned, even , how to get attention "the right way" and in my experience it was because when I did, once upon a time, I did not get it and I started trying harder to get it. Example: I am a baby, in my crib and crying and not getting food or water or diapers for DAYS (aunt told me and i believed her). My mother ignored me or could not take care of me. I stopped crying after a while because on a subconscious level, I knew I was not going to be taken care of. And that memory is imprinted in my brain, still. When someone hurts me, I either get very upset or I shut down. I don't know how to do it in the middle. I never learned how. BPD diagnosis/label just stinks so much when it makes others feel like I am just "trying to get attention". When I was in day treatment in 2009, they thought I was just getting attention when my aunt died. I was numb, I was angry, I could not even react, but I was very upset and I SH'ed. They thought I was just doing it to get attention and ignored me harder than ever! So, yes, I got that treatment. And I hated it. If my mentor had not helped me leave that place and taken me to the beach that last day, I might have ended myself. Billi
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The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() acrosstheborderline, OctobersBlackRose
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![]() OctobersBlackRose
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#11
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Practicing being here now. |
![]() acrosstheborderline
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#12
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....I seem to want attention when I am well or at least I don't mind it because it seems to fit with being well? ...then all wierd that same attention seems to help make me really unwell and I don't want it any more and just want to hide in a hole somewhere in the dark...but while I am hiding away I get sicker and sicker and thats probably when I need some attention but what I usually get by then just freaks me out and I have to go and deal with it by myself.
I don't think we seek attention but rather just some understanding |
![]() acrosstheborderline
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#13
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#14
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#15
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To be honest with you, I do have attention-seeking behaviors. For example, if I am in group therapy and I am not getting enough attention I will sit there and throw a quiet tantrum until I get attention. This quiet tantrum includes me huffing and crossing my arms, usually. I do not know why I do this other than the fact that I guess negative attention is better than no attention at all. I think this whole behavior stems from my fear of abandonment. I feel like if people are paying attention to me they are less likely to leave me. I know that it makes no sense, but I do not know how else to explain it. Sometimes I feel like I am emotionally still a child. I feel like I never really grew up and was able to act like the adult I am in an emotional sense. I still throw tantrums when I do not get my way. I still collect stuffed animals and sleep with one, even though I also sleep in the same bed as my fiance. I still dress almost like a kid sometimes. I do not know why this is. I think that BPD really robs you of being able to experience your adulthood as you were meant to.
Sorry for the rambling. I hope some of that makes sense. |
#16
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After reading this thread, I wonder if the constant invalidation of feelings by healthcare professionals perpetuates the attention seeking behaviours and stigma associated with BPD.
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#17
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![]() ![]() ![]() I'm writing in my blog again! www.butterflyamongthorns.com Bipolar II Borderline Personality Disorder OCD (Thoughts) ADD (can't take meds for it) PTSD Cymbalta 90mg Lamictol 200mg Geodon 40mg Xanax XR 1mg |
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