alot goes on when getting involved with people...I think a bunch of stuff all the time and from every direction and especially when things get tricky and I just don't have the time or the 'know how' to process it all and so important information gets stored up inside somewhere.

...sure it would be much better to deal with this important stuff that relationships bring up when they happen but I don't know how so I simply don't and away things go like nothing happened and the others either don't know anything anyway or think I'm just insensitive...

but alas....and to my shame and demise it all comes out later when I am even least aware and the stuff I thought I had ignored so well emotionally assassinates whoever was involved in the first place...and in most cases the stuff I made rational decisions NEVER to bring up EVER.

...and out it comes foolish and clumsy and psychotic and now there is suddenly even more 'stuff' to supress and if I was incapable of processing the original problem then what hope have I got now! aaaaaaah!

...it's better I stay the hell away from people, it's not the best answer I'm sure but it's all I got.

[Trippin2.0]

sorry I'm not very verbal James, the music in my head is way too loud, it's confusing.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Idk if this relates, but Im always told by others that I "ruin" their day, party, vacation etc. idk why it's not like my whatever the hell my condition is just magically stops once we hit a "certain" get together place etc. Makes me mad, cause I feel like I always mess things up, Im hated, no one wants me to be with them (even though thats not true) and they never let me hear the end of it either Hugs

[MDDBPDPTSD]

I guess I shouldn't encourage your withdrawl, but I totally agree that saying away from other people is a wise choice. But then again, what do I know?

...thankyou very much for your thoughts,

now I must go out into the world and be strangely and deliberately and clumsily unsociable...a confused puppet in my confusing puppet show...
but it's ok for today I need it to be...thanks again
monkey say monkey do

[ChristySpirals]

I have to take this in my literal way. I never used to resent my mother until a year ago. We used to get along fine now I am turning into a moody teenager with her. I guess I will take that as its my time to heal. I ran for 22 years with so much other stuff accumulating throughout those years that running became comfortable, running didn't let me sit and hurt. I didn't even get sick of running but somehow I've stopped with no warning and everything is coming out. I mean everything, even down to my mother smacking the damn dog.

I can't talk on the phone with ppl who have wronged me anymore, I feel enough detachment that I attack them. Over the phone or text I can't see their faces which in turn makes me become that people pleasing idiot that puts others needs/feelings first. Any little thing they say that puts others before me makes my skin boil because it is about damn time I got my turn, for ppl to care about me, to care about what I have to say, what I am going through, how my f*&king day went!!!!

So I think that as we get older either that F U attitude comes out because enough is enough or it is the mind saying its time to heal.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

You guys just spoke for me tonight.

Billi