[AshleyElisabeth]

I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by my new therapist and the team she works with.I hear a voice in my head every day. I told my therapist and she asked me to give it a name. I decided that nite to try and name it but instead it told me his name is Joe. I randomly smell strange smells like dog poop, skunk and vomit when there is clearly no evidence of it. The other day I saw my dog's tail when I woke up. I called for him to get on my bed so I could pet him but he didn't come. When I sat up he wasn't there. Yesterday I heard him barking. When my mom came out of her room she told me he was still asleep. Also I feel like someone is staring into the windows at nite. I feel like they're watching me and waiting to break in. Yesterday I was outside with my dog and an unmarked van pulled in to my neighborhood and stopped. I was the only one outside. I suddenly got scared and could feel them staring at me, watching my every move. I thought,"what if they're taking my picture so they can come back and get me later!" this happens a lot with strangers and cars. I'm scared to tell my psychiatrist cuz I don't want to take any more meds. I think I'm going crazy! Any comments.

[Girl_Interrupted]

Honestly you need to tell someone. You can't suffer alone. You have the right to refuse meds if you want to.

[Forgive77]

Same type of things have happended to me since i was a kid. I have to close all the windows and blinds etc., so no one can look in. If I don't take my Geodon...I have issues...the last time I waited too long to fill it cause I had to get approval, I was exorsizing the house, and I felt my dog, who is dead, sniffing around my head. It's so strange cause...his box of ashes are under my bed...but I never even think about that...funny how it would show up. Makes me think I'm not psychotic sometimes....lol....just a paranormal sensitive. I do take the meds though....cause it bothers others.

[AshleyElisabeth]

I was just wondering,is what I'm experiencing part of borderline personality disorder or is it some form of schizophrenia? I'm newly diagnosed with bpd so I'm unsure of all it's symptoms.

[Girl_Interrupted]

BPD have strong hallucinations and psychosis too you know. We are on the Schizophrenic spectrum.

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by Girl_Interrupted

BPD have strong hallucinations and psychosis too you know. We are on the Schizophrenic spectrum.

GI...really? I didn't know that!! Wow...they've been trying to take me of the Borderline spectrum for a while now...I'm also BPII. So I thought it was a cross over to BPI....that's interesting. No one ever told me that before!! So I guess it would be hard to tell with schizophrenia too!

You'd totally have to talk to your doctor sweetie.

[Girl_Interrupted]

Originally Posted by Forgive77

GI...really? I didn't know that!! Wow...they've been trying to take me of the Borderline spectrum for a while now...I'm also BPII. So I thought it was a cross over to BPI....that's interesting. No one ever told me that before!! So I guess it would be hard to tell with schizophrenia too!

You'd totally have to talk to your doctor sweetie.

Yeah. Well we were once upon a time anyway, because so many of us have delusions/hallucinations etc. even if you think something has happened, and it hasn't, and I bet all of us relate to having very realistic dreams, like they feel like they're actually happening, and often can't tell the difference between dreams, memories, memories that your brain made up (delusions) and reality.

[fletch33]

Please talk to a professional about these feelings and hallucinations. I cannot tell what exactly this is, but it sounds like schizophrenia. I don't want to scare you by using that word, but I am just going off of my experiences working with people who have schizophrenia.

Never be afraid to call your local crisis number if needed. Please utilize your resources in your community (pdoc, T, crisis, hospital, etc.). That is why they are there--to help you.

Please feel better.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I think the original name of BPD or (close to it) is "borderline psychotic".

I used to do similar things.

When I was living alone, I asked a friend to make sure that no one could see me dancing in my living room thru the blinds! He told me to come outside and he went into my apartment and I tried to look thru the blinds, but all I could see was the light shining thru them and maybe a tiny bit of movement, but no one dancing in the windows. But to be convinced, I had to do that with my friend. Before, I was sure that someone could look in and watch me pretend I was a ballerina! lol

I struggle sometimes with thinking that objects are laughing at me when I bump into them "Stupid, clumsy Billi!" they guffaw. "She deserves to be bumped, that stupid klutz!" My mentor and I are dealing with that. I have traced that to being traumatized by people telling me what a klutz I am and being given a message from G*d thru the objects (being bumped by them).

I pray that someday I will combat this.

If you need help, ask for help. From a therapist, doctor, expert, anyone you can trust with this kind of thing.

Also, last time I looked, I think we still have rights as mental health consumers; we can refuse meds or shock treatment.

I am so glad I have Ani, my mentor. He is not a therapist or a doctor, but he also had ptsd and always shares his experience with it. I feel much better when I talk to him and hear his stories.

Take heart; you are not alone.

Billi