[perniciousfirefly]

i need advice but guess what ya all need t stop reading and helping. im bpd and av ad enough of u ignorant so callled sufferes !!!!!!!!!!!!!! bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shezbut]

Sorry that I didn't read your latest post, perniciousfirefly.

The title of your post confused me actually, so I didn't even bother reading it (until now), figuring that I couldn't help you.

It sounds like you'll be going into inpatient care, since you took a lot of a variety of medications. Most nurse and doctors aren't going to believe that this was an accident, no. The blood tests certainly revealed what your body was fighting, while you were in the hospital.

I do understand not wanting to go in for help, especially when you'd rather self-medicate your misery. I've been there too. However, self-medication only works for so long. And what really sucks (imo) is that we always push those that we honestly do care about away from us when we do it! I also worry that my bf and kids won't be there for me when I do come out of the hospital, which will make me want to die even more than I already want.

It's a tough situation! I can see that what I'm currently doing to help myself is only putting me lower on the self-respect totem pole ~ and I was already the lowest ~ I guess that it goes lower than I had imagined. I don't want to deal with the repercussions of being hospitalized again, but I also don't want to lose the respect that I've finally gained from my daughters. It makes me very hesitant to reach out. It's hard...so, yeah, I can relate to your struggle.

Hopefully, the hospitalization will provide you with more confidence and hope for your future in this world. ((hugs))

[perniciousfirefly]

thankyou, i'm getting worse all the time. im sorry i lashed out but im paranoid about peoples intentions

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I too did not know how to respond, excep that I felt for you. You asked for advice and I had none, really. I have not done the exact same things like swallow pills, but I do relate to wanting to commit su***e, to self-harm, and having a su***dal history.

I used to be in hospital over and over again because I could not cope with my emotional ups and downs, esp the painful ones.

We are struggling as well, everyone on this board. I wish I had answers and I get afraid that if I do respond I don't say the right thing.

so if I don't respond, it's because I don't know what to say or how it will come out or be taken.

I wanted to put a "thanks" on your post or a hug, but I didn't know if that was what you wanted. I did not have advice.

The way I give support is just relating to issues and sharing my own solutions if I have them. I am not good at advice giving.

warm PC support,

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

PS

I also relate to beign upset when I don't get replies.

B.

[AngelWolf3]

I just read your original post; I don't post a lot in BPD because I am not officially diagnosed and I don't feel like I should post advice since I don't really know if I am or not. But I did read it today . I am sorry you are hurting so much.

I always worry I will give the wrong advice, or say something stupid, regardless of where I post!

I understand getting upset...I do too sometimes if I don't get responses, I feel unimportant or not worthy of a response. But then I remember that I have trouble responding and maybe others do too! Please keep us posted on how you are doing. I will lurk around and wait to hear back...sorry again.