Alone in BPD

I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels completely alone and abnormal. How do you talk to people about this without them thinking you're crazy? Because that's how I feel. I just received the BPD diagnosis two weeks ago....

JennDelage,

I'm sorry to hear that you were recently diagnosed with BPD.

The times of loneliness, despair, self-hate, and questioning everything that we do, think, and feel can be SO overwhelming and depressing to me!! Like many other people with BPD, I also struggle with other mental illnesses. PTSD and treatment-resistant major depression complicates my daily life.

Honestly, I don't have any fear or shame about my BPD. To me, the diagnosis kind of made me feel better. At least it explained WTH I've been struggling with for most of my life. I could understand how I developed the disorder as well, because my childhood was very chaotic. I often put myself into dangerous situations, with hopes of avoiding the chaos and misery that I felt at home. It also helped explain why I've felt such deep shame and self-hate for as long as I can recall.

I've always tried hard to mold myself into what my bf's and ex-hub wanted, to make my relationship feel more secure to me. But, as soon as I felt some emotional distance, I'd instantly rush into a deep sense of panic. I'd push him away (with most of my hopes that he'd run after me, begging me not to leave & reassure me that I was loved completely) followed by my special attention and utter devotion by me to do whatever it took to gain a better sense of security.

I have always wondered who in heck I am. I often question what I truly like/love in life, and if I will ever obtain some sense of security in my future. I hope that I will! but it really feels like an impossible task in life.

Thankfully, I have some ups in my life too. But they're quite rare due to my major depression. They're more like a couple of hours of complete comfort, safety, and happiness. Times like those occur a few times per year. But, I suppose, better than never! I often reach out to others, to help them adjust to their life problems, which helps me feel a little better about my own problems usually.

I hope that Psych Central helps you ~ very best wishes and sent your way!

I know it's hard and I can't give any true advice. All I can do is assure you that you are NOT alone. Everyone on this forum feel different versions of the same thing. I've been struggling my entire life with self-loathing, isolation, constantly changing emotions, major depression and anxiety and messed up relationships due to my intense fear of abandonment. One thing this forum has done for me is make me aware that I'm not alone and that in itself has helped. I hope it helps you as well.

I do not talk to people about having BPD because there is a stigma about it, even among medical folks, who should know better. I am blessed to have a good pdoc and therapist that I can talk to about it.

I talk about it here, obviously.

I don't talk about it either, except with my roommate, mentor, and bf. and here.

Shame about stigma.

I got diagnosed in 2001/02 and got treated badly there and subsequent places.

I am out of the mental health system for this reason and doing a lot of healing work on my own with these sites, books, talking, groups, etc.

there is hope wherever and however you deal with it. It can be dealt with.

I hate bpd and I hate stigma. I don't hate "borderlines" or even "nons". Just the bad attitudes and the disease.

Billi

I was thinking the same as since my diagnosis I have yet to tell my family or my husband.. only my very best friend knows and even that is only a shadow of how I am truly feeling inside. It's hard to bring it up and feel like you're being judged which I have no doubt will happen.

Definitely a lonely feeling