there's a guy in some of the groups i go to and everytime i see him he just stares at me, like sits and stares without hiding it and doesn't turn away and respond when someone speaks to him. it's been making me really uncomfortable. i keep telling myself he must be very unwell and that's why he does it. today in a group it was really bad, i decided i wouldn't go to the groups anymore because it's too much for me to handle.

the group we were at today is away from the centre and they drive us there and back. one worker took one person early and asked this guy if he wanted to go to, he looked at me directly and laughed/smirked and said no he'd stay. when it was time to leave we were all waiting on one person and the guys said to me, why don't you and i just take a walk a while that way (pointing at the front door), and was standing really close to me. I said no, the cars that way (pointing at the back door). and then we left. it's a mini van thing we go in and in the middle seat it ended up just him and i. i purposefully put my bag on the middle seat between us and he smirked. the whole trip he was looking at me. the worker dropped us near the shopping centre and train station because we all needed to go that way and it saved us the walk from the centre. i was first out of the car and i walked away towards the shopping centre fast because i wanted to get away from him. i was about a block away, i turned back and saw him about a metre from the car. within seconds he was walking really closely to me, i was basically off the footpath. he was kinda laughing under his breath. i ran across the road before the lights changed and kept walking fast towards the shops. some how he was right behind me again. so i basically ran into the back entrance of a huge department store to get into the shopping centre fast. he didn't seem to follow me after that.

i was expecting a call from my T about 30 min later so i just found somewhere quiet but not too quiet to sit and wait trying to calm down, because i was too scared to leave the shopping centre to get my bus incase he was there.

when my T called i explained that I had been putting it down to him being unwell and i had decided to remove myself from the situation. and then i told her about what had just happened and she basically said i was blowing it out of proportion.
she said:
>he wouldn't be allowed in the group if he was dangerous (how can they be sure? i've been told that before and then basically been attacked by another patient)
>he's unwell, he might just want to be friends (even if this is true which i doubt, what he did is not okay and someone needs to tell him that)
>i'm just anxious and making it seem worse (yeah i do get freaked out, but i get scared of plenty of guys who look at me funny or whatever and i don't hide in a shopping centre crying and shaking, this is different.)

i'm so angry that she said that. she told me to think over the weekend how proportionate i was being and we'd talk about it monday.

she should know this brings back stuff from the abuse. and that the hallucination of the man i see looks at me exactly the same way while telling me he will r*** me.

i can't go back to the centre because i'm too scared to see him again. so that means quitting DBT. but that's fine because i can't see a therapist who thinks i'm blowing things totally out of proportion. my ffamily thinks that, and thats part of the problem.

i still feel so scared i don't even want to leave my house again even though i have no idea where he lives and he doesn't know where i live.

the bit that's upsetting me thee most is T saying that i'm blowing it out of proportion even when i was sitting in the shopping centre crying and shaking telling her.

the way he looked at me those couple of times today, that's not just cuz he's unwell. well maybe he's extremely unwell and dangerous and shouldn't be in groups. but he's not just unwell and doesn't know what he's doing. that look in his eyes, he knows exactly how uncomfortable he's making me.


i don't even know why i'm posting... i'm just so angry.

does anyone agree with T that i'm blowing things out of proportion? please don't be horrible if you do agree, like tell me you agree with her because i'd like to know but please say it nicely.. i'm feeling fairly fragile right now.

[SwayintheBreeze]

Aww ((( Quiet )))) my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how you must have felt while that fellow was there. It may not be my place to say but I think the T was wrong to say you were flat out blowing it out of proportion without actually being there and seeing what you were going through? I think removing yourself from a situation like that was the best alternative for you at the time.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by TheQuietOnexx

she said:
>he wouldn't be allowed in the group if he was dangerous (how can they be sure? i've been told that before and then basically been attacked by another patient)
>he's unwell, he might just want to be friends (even if this is true which i doubt, what he did is not okay and someone needs to tell him that)
>i'm just anxious and making it seem worse (yeah i do get freaked out, but i get scared of plenty of guys who look at me funny or whatever and i don't hide in a shopping centre crying and shaking, this is different.)

i'm so angry that she said that. she told me to think over the weekend how proportionate i was being and we'd talk about it monday.

.

That sounds very invalidating to me on her part. when I was still in treatment, I had to deal with many men who triggered my ptsd almost constantly.

One time I left therapy because I thought a man kept following me all over the unit.

I told the head counselor, "I am not coming back until he leaves!"

Billi

thanks guys.

i'm going to try talk to her monday.. i know i need the support but i can't if she doesn't believe how much it effected me and if someone doesn't talk to him and make him stop.

[amy90]

Hi have you tried telling him to stop staring at you, because it makes you feel uncomfortable?

I don't feel comfortable. He barely talks. It's like he just chooses to ignore people because when he talks he seems totally normal just really self centered.
At first I felt sorry for him and thought he must be really unwell but after being in groups with him more times it seems different.

So I don't feel comfortable enough to say anything.

[Perna]

Can you tell one of the senior workers at the centre? Since he's there too (and your T is not?) she can observe and maybe intervene. Maybe the DBT leader?

I don't know who the senior works to talk to would be cuz he's in the young people psychosis prevention group not DBT. I only know him cuz I'm a lot younger than all the DBT members and cuz I have psychosis I do those groups too because it's hard when everyone is talking about kids and marriage and stuff cuz I'm younger by 10+ years.

I'll see what my therapist says monday.

Plus the workers know my psychosis is bad at the moment and I'm scared they'll think I'm imagining it. And sometimes I do but this was different. I know it was real. the voices and hallucinations had no part.

I think this individual may have autism or some other disability that impairs social skills and interaction. Sometimes, these individuals have no concept of personal space and boundaries, even with an average IQ. If so, this maybe why the staff aren’t too concerned.

His inappropriate behavior suggests that he likes and wants to befriend you. He just does not know how to do it in a socially acceptable way. Note: I am not condoning his behaviour, at all.

This should be resolved. All someone has to do is talk with the man. It isn’t too difficult to tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and to make sure that he does not behave in this way around you. There should be some boundaries placed, such as not traveling together to and from outings.

It was wrong for your therapist to say, "You are blowing it out of proportion.” This is a legitimate concern. You have the right to feel safe in therapy.

To be perfectly honest his behaviour sounds inappropriate - im suprised that no other group member noticed what he was doing and more to the point did the group leader do anything to try and resolve the issue? Its not fair that you should have to give up DBT because of this person - groups are meant to be safe and strictly controlled. I would also tell your T if you can that you found her to be invalidating and that the sitaution is serious because its making you want to quit the programme. Maybe your T can liaise with the group leader? Maybe write a note to the group leader if you feel you can't talk to them. Im sorry you're experiencing this - no one should be made to feel this uncomfortable. Are there different DBT groups you can attend? sometimes when the number of people attending is so large they seperate people up into different groups so maybe you can switch? I hope you manage to get this issue sorted out, don't give up on all your hard work otherwise this person wins - that is of course, if they know that what they're doing is damaging, as the poster mentioned above, this person may not realise the effect they're having and all it could take is a quick discussion with him. Please keep us updated, all the best.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

hope it goes okay with your therapist.

Sounds like you worked very hard to get into therapy and I hope you can continue safely.

Bili

I spoke to my T today and she said she didn't realize how much it upset me and because she knows I get anxious around most males she thought it might be that. I explained that I tried to put in down to him being unwell until Friday when it got too much. She said that I was right that she didn't know him so couldn't assume he wasn't dangerous although knew that he wouldn't be allowed in group if he was. She's based away from the centre and in the DBT program. The groups that he's in are from the psychosis program which is at the same place I go for DBT. So my T isn't sure about what to do as its the psychosis program staff who can help not DBT. It's confusing cuz I'm in both programs. Anyway she told me to call the person I know best in the psychosis program and see what she suggests. We talked through what I'd say which was good. So I've left a MSG for someone from the psychosis program to call me back. So hopefully she'll help.

She called me back and said they'll speak to him and watch more closely.. I'm not the only one feeling uncomfortable but I think I'm the only one he followed. Hopefully he'll stop.

[SwayintheBreeze]

thats a great step Quiet - talking to her about it rather than just dropping it and I'm glad she realized how it affected you. I hope they will do something with this person!

That is really good Quiet! You got to a safe place. You were so brave to step up and speak up. AND had the courage to challenge your T and have another discussion to explain your POV. You believed in yourself enough to take care and to not let it drop.

[kitten2012]

Whether you blew it out of proportion or not, you had a really scary experience and you do deserve to have the reaction that's natural. I hope you can openly discuss this with your therapist. Maybe the guy is scary, or maybe you're feeling really scared right now, but either is worth looking at. I applaud you for listening to your instincts. And your urge was to get away and not do something stupid or aggressive so what's it to anyone else? I'd probably do the same and then go home and be embarrassed for no reason.

[Setso]

This kinda reminds me of college except that guy is creepy
I would try to talk to this girl but shed always ignore me and after class she would get up quick and walk real fast to next class and I had to practically jump over desks and run to catch up
Then shed be like i gtg bye

And ts really frustrating tbh
But once she said she doesn't like me I ignored her
But when the next 2 girls rejected me, I had my suicide attempt

Can U tell him straight up leave me alone? Sometimes it's confusing whether girls like us or playing hard to get

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[MDDBPDPTSD]

I would run for the hills, if I were you, but that is not the healthy thing to do, so I am told. I am so sorry you had this experience. I think your T was way off base. Unfortunately, some of them are. Just because they have a degree does not mean they are necessarily right to their judgement is superior to yours. I am blessed to have a good supportive therapist, but she does not live in my body and experience my experiences. My T cannot tell me what my own intuition can, because she is not me and she is not there.

I think you so have a reason to be cautious about this guy. Can you find out more about him? Maybe get his full name and see if he has a criminal record or anything?

On the other hand, I also wish to express my opinion on giving up DBT class. My advise on that is to do everything you can to stick with DBT. It is not the cure that we all need and want, BUT it is helpful and when practiced, it can make things better. It promises a "life worthwhile." While I still have yet to personally see that result, I do see that DBT has given me tools and skills to use in my daily life.

I really encourage you to try to work something out, so that you can stay with the DBT program. Maybe take some of the suggestions from the other posters and try to work it out within the group or at the center, so that you can stay with the DBT.

I wish you well.

Setso, i'm too afraid to even speak to him. i've had guys who follow me to speak to me or whatever and i don't like it but it's different i know they just want to know me.. this guys is scary.

the groups i see him in are tomorrow and friday.. hopefully it's be okay after the worker said she'd speak to him. but i'm still really anxious.

thanks for the support

[Setso]

Originally Posted by TheQuietOnexx

Setso, i'm too afraid to even speak to him. i've had guys who follow me to speak to me or whatever and i don't like it but it's different i know they just want to know me.. this guys is scary.

the groups i see him in are tomorrow and friday.. hopefully it's be okay after the worker said she'd speak to him. but i'm still really anxious.

thanks for the support

Your name isn't Stacy irl life is it?
If so this could be awkward..the thing is you look just like my ex and I never got over her and every day without her is killing me

Lol jk, did I get a smile??

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haha yeah kinda.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by TheQuietOnexx

She called me back and said they'll speak to him and watch more closely.. I'm not the only one feeling uncomfortable but I think I'm the only one he followed. Hopefully he'll stop.

I hope he stops, as well. You deserve to be protected and feel safe.

B.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Quiet:
How are things going now?

Umm I've only seen him breifly once and it was okay. I haven't been at groups too much other stuff to deal with. And I think I'm not too mad at my T at the moment. I don't know. It's hard. Don't feel good.