[hey.there.mrbluesky]

Hi everyone

I should probably first state that I haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD. But, after reading, learning and researching for about a year now I do think that I am part of this community. But, none-the-less, I'm still struggling to figure out if I "fit in" or not. (I could explain more, but the post would be faaarrrrrr to lengthy.)

I guess I am here looking for support. I feel like there is no one around me that I can talk to about my issues honestly. I feel if I tell my friends too many details they will want to send me away and if I try to tell my parents about it they will just ignore it, brush it off as nothing... just a phase. I also don't want to feel like a burden to any of them, so I just try to keep to myself.

I've been to several different therapists over the past few years, but nothing ever helps. I find myself conforming and lying so I can fit what they want me to be... I want them to feel like they are doing something good and genuinely helping me. Even though its all a front.

As of right now, I'm honestly not in a place to go back to seeing a therapist because I've recently realized that my symptoms are for more obvious than even I realized (I thought I was good at hiding things... turns out I'm not). My therapists knew about my erratic emotions, my self-harming and eating disorder, feelings of no identity, of worthlessness, etc. And they never said a single word... and all of this was even before I knew BPD existed. So, I'm feeling angry and distrustful. Why couldn't they just say, 'Well, this could be part of what is occurring...' instead of leaving me out to dry, feeling lost and confused. Feeling like I was going insane but no one believed me. Why couldn't they just be honest and upfront with me?

I guess that is one of my problems. I feel like I belong here, but there is no one to validate my feelings on it. If there is no validation, I begin to question whether or not this is correct, or right. If this isn't right, and I don't fit under BPD or anything else, then what the heck is wrong with me? If what I'm going through is nothing or "normal", I'm not sure I can handle a lifetime of this. One moment I'm on top of the world, and the next I'm buried under 50 tons of mental misery. And it friggin' sucks.

Ugh, well. I guess my mini-rant is over for now. Sorry aboot that.

So, Hello BPD forum! I'm glad you exist

Until next time!

Welcome!
First of all, none of us can tell you for sure whether you have BPD or not, but you are always welcome. Read through current posts and start threads of your own. They will help you either negate the possibility or convince you for sure that you are. Look particularily at the "You know your're BPD when...." thread but any of them should help.

Many, many of us have been misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed by therapists. There ARE some good therapists out there, but BPD has a bit of a stigma. A lot of therapsits do not understand BPD or look at it as an "incurable" disorder because it cannot be treated in conventional means...drugs can control some of the symptoms of BPD, but do absolutely nothing to help BPD itself. Also, traditional "talk" therapy often doesn't have the desired results. Also, a lot of health insurances refuse to cover it so it sometimes backs the therapist in a corner. As you read through the threads, you'll find case after case of people feeling like you....the therapist MUST have known but never said anything....

Good luck in your search to figure things out. We'll help you in your search in any way that we can. One thing I can say for certain; if you ARE BPD as you feel you are, you ARE NOT alone. BPD and the feeling of dealing with things without anyone "getting it" contributes greatly to the anxiety and depression. That is something that we can offer....companionship in fighting a damning disorder.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Welcome to PC.

I was diagnosed and I had to still decide for myself whether I had bpd or not.

You will know where you belong.

I hope you get the support here you need and deserve.

Broken (Carol)

[hey.there.mrbluesky]

Thanks for the support and advice

I will definitely be checking everything out.

[AngelWolf3]

Hey there, just wanted to let you know that I am a fellow "lurker" of this forum and I can tell you, I thought you read my mind when you posted your thread. Welcome to PC, glad you are here.

Oh, I just read the thread by infinitesadness :"why isn't there a simple definition for this disorder", and there is a link that maranara posted which I found helpful (there is a test there, too, which also is somewhat validating, In my opinion)

[esther'rose]

Originally Posted by hey.there.mrbluesky

Hi everyone

I should probably first state that I haven't been officially diagnosed with BPD. But, after reading, learning and researching for about a year now I do think that I am part of this community. But, none-the-less, I'm still struggling to figure out if I "fit in" or not. (I could explain more, but the post would be faaarrrrrr to lengthy.)

I guess I am here looking for support. I feel like there is no one around me that I can talk to about my issues honestly. I feel if I tell my friends too many details they will want to send me away and if I try to tell my parents about it they will just ignore it, brush it off as nothing... just a phase. I also don't want to feel like a burden to any of them, so I just try to keep to myself.

I've been to several different therapists over the past few years, but nothing ever helps. I find myself conforming and lying so I can fit what they want me to be... I want them to feel like they are doing something good and genuinely helping me. Even though its all a front.

As of right now, I'm honestly not in a place to go back to seeing a therapist because I've recently realized that my symptoms are for more obvious than even I realized (I thought I was good at hiding things... turns out I'm not). My therapists knew about my erratic emotions, my self-harming and eating disorder, feelings of no identity, of worthlessness, etc. And they never said a single word... and all of this was even before I knew BPD existed. So, I'm feeling angry and distrustful. Why couldn't they just say, 'Well, this could be part of what is occurring...' instead of leaving me out to dry, feeling lost and confused. Feeling like I was going insane but no one believed me. Why couldn't they just be honest and upfront with me?

I guess that is one of my problems. I feel like I belong here, but there is no one to validate my feelings on it. If there is no validation, I begin to question whether or not this is correct, or right. If this isn't right, and I don't fit under BPD or anything else, then what the heck is wrong with me? If what I'm going through is nothing or "normal", I'm not sure I can handle a lifetime of this. One moment I'm on top of the world, and the next I'm buried under 50 tons of mental misery. And it friggin' sucks.

Ugh, well. I guess my mini-rant is over for now. Sorry aboot that.

So, Hello BPD forum! I'm glad you exist

Until next time!

I am in the same situation. I've read through countless things and it seems like the only thing that fits. I was in a mental health hospital for 7 weeks, but they refused to diagnose me since I was 13. I'm now 14, and I've been on antidepressants for 2 months, but they're not doing anything because I'm not actually depressed..:L
Always here for support x x x

[DLWest]

The call on your diagnosis is all yours, but it sounds like you're one of us select few. The part I can valiadte is the total lack of care from the "cargivers" you pay for their time. It seems that they want you to come in, take a bucket of pills and tell them how wonderful they are without any actual effort or caring on their parts.