[MickeyNaMire]

I've posted in this forum before but not without my own anxieties. You know, trying to keep it light so as not to appear invested...or...whatever.

I am resisting the urge to post in the the "You know you're borderline when..." thread as I have done before because I don't have an official diagnosis, but I must admit I am having trouble yet for reasons I can't really put a finger on....longer night, shorter days, colder temperatures, greyer skies, etc.

The most consistent diagnoses I have gotten are ADD and MDD, but I have always had trouble with the length and strength of my emotions. I most often feel something like "OMG!!!! IT HURTS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!! WTF DO I DO?!?!". Being at an utter loss as to what to do, I do nothing but continue to feel like utter *****.

I guess I'm posting here because I can't reconcile the acuteness of my emotions with my diagnoses and because I have come to identify the most with some of the experiences that are described her and on other forums on BPD.

Any help for a lost soul?

Originally Posted by MickeyNaMire

I've posted in this forum before but not without my own anxieties. You know, trying to keep it light so as not to appear invested...or...whatever.

I am resisting the urge to post in the the "You know you're borderline when..." thread as I have done before because I don't have an official diagnosis, but I must admit I am having trouble yet for reasons I can't really put a finger on....longer night, shorter days, colder temperatures, greyer skies, etc.

The most consistent diagnoses I have gotten are ADD and MDD, but I have always had trouble with the length and strength of my emotions. I most often feel something like "OMG!!!! IT HURTS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!! WTF DO I DO?!?!". Being at an utter loss as to what to do, I do nothing but continue to feel like utter *****.

I guess I'm posting here because I can't reconcile the acuteness of my emotions with my diagnoses and because I have come to identify the most with some of the experiences that are described her and on other forums on BPD.

Any help for a lost soul?

A lot of BPD's have not officially been diagnosed for a lot of various reasons. Some doctors are hesitant to due to people's health insurance and other concerns, some have an extremely low opinion of BPD-look at it as being incurable-and don't want to brand people with that stigma, and some just don't know BPD well enough to make the diagnosis. One thing about psychology/psychiatry is that so many seem to forget is that it is an inexact science and psychologists are imperfect people. All diagnoses are based on observation and different people are going see different things. I've seen so. so many misdiagnosed it's not funny. I'm not telling people that the doctors can't help and that you shouldn't trust their diagnosis and treatment plans, but we are the only ones who are truly in our heads and it's okay to question what we're told and not blindly follow whatever we're told. In my opinion, if you feel like you know yourself and you've done the research and BPD seems right to you, then go with it until your body or head tell you otherwise. Okay...I'm off the soapbox now. You are welcome here.

[AngelWolf3]

I don't have advice, but I can relate. I have not been "officially" diagnosed, but my therapist has hinted at it, but won't put the 'label', if you will, on it for exactly one of the reasons Maranara described, insurance. I guess benefits stop quite quickly with that diagnosis, from what I gathered.

She is right, you are welcome here, I felt like I was intruding at first too because of no diagnosis, but no one judges here for that at all...at least in my experience here.

I have learned a lot by lurking about and I do post here now and then.

I know exactly what you mean. I was pretty convinced that I had BPD for years with a doctor that refused to label me with anything at all, which I hated. He would say that it ws most important to treat the symptoms but in hindsight, I think he was full of sh^t. Why? Because actually giving or determining the right diagnosis helps with the approach to treatment and symptoms -- looking at them isolated from the entire disorder if there is on is faulty thinking in my opinion and doesn't help the patient/client. I mean I have BPD and that includes my fears, anxiety at times, depression, etc... I could stay on meds (which is what I think he wanted anyway) and mask each one of the symptoms but would I ever improve really? With the Dx of BPD officially, I can get therapy that gets to the root of the whole of symptoms.

I finally got to a doctor that out of just takling to me for a bit (I didn't mention the suspicion of bpd to her) she said "have you heard of bpd?" And proceeded to explain why she thought I had it. Thing is I already knew that at the point she Diagnosed me. I say all of this because, frankly if you've done a lot of research on it and feel you fit the description, you're probably right. I'd look into getting another diagnosis and find someone that deals with BPD specifically to determine if you have it or not.

[shortandcute]

i have not officially diagnosed with full blown BPD, but once I was diagnosed with personality disorder, NOS with borderline and dependent features. The person I'm seeing now thinks that there is a possibility I may have full blown BPD, altho I dont have an official diagnosis. I've researched BPD, and I seem to fit almost all of the criteria.

[MickeyNaMire]

My (short-and-never-sweet) experience is that I had some of those now-that-I-look-back-on-it moments where I should have not dismissed my substance abuse/wandering around feeling like I was going to cry/sleepless nights as being "angsty" in my early 20's but I never stayed in therapy long enough to get a diagnosis. Luckicly, I had a physician in my mid 20's who screened me for depression and finally convinced to go to counseling and also take medication prescribed by her or a psychiatrist. The counseling referral gave me the dx of MDD and also suggested that "even though I don't think you have BPD, I think DBT would help you with you anger". So, I'm here now wanting (but not wanting) to be "one of the group". I really just don't want to feel as I have felt before, but that includes feeling like I'm not not "in" even though I feel shouldn't want to be "in".

I hope that makes sense.