[cali818]

Hi guys
I’m having a rough day coping
Yesterday he had to go to his friends birthday bbq and I had to do things around the house and see a girlfriend quickly so I was home early…anyway he messaged me when he woke up in the morning and said he'd text when he got home and see what i'm up to. He didn't text at all - I know a lot of the time he'd just be worn out and have passed out as soon as he got home, he’s been really sick lately too but now i am convinced he doesn't love me anymore and i am resisting the urge to text or call him but it's lunchtime the next day now and he's probably at work by now but it's driving me crazy thinking he might never text me again. I know what this thinking is, I know how irrational it is so I won't text him and bug him about it but it hurts so bad to try to hold it in
I’m feeling really tense and nervous right now, I’m at work and I can’t concentrate on anything right now what can I do? Does anyone have any tips on how to relax when I get like this

I don’t know if he’s going to text me later? It’s already halfway through the day what if I don’t hear from him today or tonight? I don’t know why he wouldn’t because he was really nice in his text yesterday. I KNOW he’s never been a good texter, we fight about it constantly but he just never responds to texts quickly unless we are having a huge fight and HE is upset and then he makes the effort so I feel like he has the ability to text when he wants so maybe he doesn’t care enough about me everyday??? But he says he loves me all the time and when im with him I feel it so intensely but if he really did why cant he text me more often when I told him it upsets me when he doesn’t???

please help please can someone put some sense into my head???

[msjanalyn]

I know exactly how you feel. This is a constant state of fret for me and it's such an empty feeling. One thing I've done is save the texts the person has sent to me in the past and refer to those when I feel this way. Another thing is if he's been sick just text him a quick "Are you feeling better?" that isn't bugging him by any means. I do have to say that these feelings of abandonment consume me and I can't concentrate on anything but thinking why this person hasn't responded to me...but...99.9% of the time it was nothing and that person got caught up in "life". I'm a "it's all about me" type of gal so I always have to remember that I'm not in the fore front of everybody's mind. I hope this has helped a little.

[cali818]

Originally Posted by msjanalyn

I know exactly how you feel. This is a constant state of fret for me and it's such an empty feeling. One thing I've done is save the texts the person has sent to me in the past and refer to those when I feel this way. Another thing is if he's been sick just text him a quick "Are you feeling better?" that isn't bugging him by any means. I do have to say that these feelings of abandonment consume me and I can't concentrate on anything but thinking why this person hasn't responded to me...but...99.9% of the time it was nothing and that person got caught up in "life". I'm a "it's all about me" type of gal so I always have to remember that I'm not in the fore front of everybody's mind. I hope this has helped a little.

thanks for your response... yeah it is constant fretting, it makes me almost physically sick sometimes with how nervous i can get.
i do the same thing as you with reading old texts, just to remind myself that he does care but i still end up convincing myself that in the space of a day those feelings have changed. it is ridiculous.

when the feelings consume, i really cant function, i am so obsessive, i stare at my phone, space out and feel almost mentally paralyzed, i replay things over and over in my head and it's like the more i try to not think about it, the more i torture myself into believing he is never coming back.

ur reply really did help, i always feel like im alone in this craziness even though when i get a moment of rationality, i know im not.

u sound just like me with the 'its all about me'... i hope one day we can just do normal things like send a normal text and wait for a normal response without getting so worked up...

hi cali818

how are you feeling?

have you heard anything yet?

[cali818]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

hi cali818

how are you feeling?

have you heard anything yet?

hi

yeah, i heard from him a couple hours after i posted... as usual i freaked out over nothing, he was busy at the dr and was sick and fell asleep the night before like i had thought. now i just feel stupid for freaking out and doubting it when i knew anyway!!! i felt instantly better when i got a text, kind of like i got a 'fix' and I calmed down straight away.

but as usual, not long after i found myself making a reason to get worked up again, we texted a couple times back and forth, i told him i had a rough day and he was asking if i was ok and he worries about me, and what happened etc
and once again i dissected this to mean that he doesn't care cause if he was so worried then he'd make time to see me and prove it even if he's been sick and doesn't have much time, i just want 5 mins. so i ignored his questions about if i was ok and couldn't help myself but just ask why he doesn't want to see me but i got no reply, i think he had fallen asleep cause it was late by then.

now i don't really want to speak to him today but he hasn't woken up to reply yet either.

i know now i'm all worked up over nothing, over something i've created again. i'm such an idiot.

why why why do i do this, it's just i always find some undertone in his messages or his voice to make it out like he doesn't like me or doesn't want to see me etc i feel like he constantly needs to prove to me he wants me or else i get upset and sulk. even when we are together i keep accusing him of looking angry and he doesn't know why i think this.

but i feel like even if he's busy with work (and he also has two young kids) and if he's still sick (he's been really sick for weeks) like i know im asking a lot but we don't live far from each other, why doesn't he ask to see me more often, we only meet up once or twice a week. he says he loves me so much and he does wish he had more time, and he always misses me but he's just got a hectic schedule so it's hard to plan free time for us but STILL like why can't I accept that???

im so sorry for the rambling
im not as strung out as yesterday though. i just dont want to demand him to explain this to me because i know this is my problem in my head and nothing he did so i dont want to look insane and start another fight.