[overandunder28]

Well I didn't know what else to call it other than ashamed.

I went to my good friends wedding on sat the 8th Dec where I only knew the maid of honour and of course the bride.

I get socially anxious with meeting new people at the best of times but when I know its in a period of longer than an hour and that I will be staying in a place overnight which isn't my own bed, well its a hell of a lot harder for me.

I travelled 3 1/2 to 4 hours to get there, made it through the ceremony (3pm start, finished about 4pmish), made it to the yacht club (where we were having the reception dinner at 6pm). I had a Jim Beam and cola because I was in internal distress and was very uncomfortable and knew that that would relax me.

I didn't have enough money to get the bride and groom a present and hadn't gotten around to buying them a card so I was feeling a heavy guilt and down on myself for that.

I found my place at the 6th table and remembered some of the ladies that had been at the hens night, so I felt momentarily more relaxed......

Then I realised the usual social chat that happens at a table:
What do you do for a living?
Do You have a partner?
Do you have any kids?
Where do you live?

They are easy questions right?
Well how do you explain you have a serious mental illness which has prevented you from being able to keep employment/pursue education, have a healthy relationship/let alone kids, to top it off you cant afford your own place because of a lack of money?

Needless to say the bar was open and over time I had drink after drink (champagne sunset - champagne, orange juice and red cordial)
I didn't drink till I was belligerent or overly intoxicated, I just drank until the discomfort went away.

Over the night I was able to have a lot of laughs.... have conversations that were light and even add a few fb friends.

The morning after came and soon the negative and the paranoid thoughts crept in...

What if they think I drank far too much?
Did I look like an idiot/alcoholic/disgusting etc?

I spoke to my psychotherapist about it today and I still havent been able to get it all out of my head....

Does anyone else do this and what do you do to try and stop yourself from doing it?

Originally Posted by overandunder28

Well I didn't know what else to call it other than ashamed.

I went to my good friends wedding on sat the 8th Dec where I only knew the maid of honour and of course the bride.

I get socially anxious with meeting new people at the best of times but when I know its in a period of longer than an hour and that I will be staying in a place overnight which isn't my own bed, well its a hell of a lot harder for me.

I travelled 3 1/2 to 4 hours to get there, made it through the ceremony (3pm start, finished about 4pmish), made it to the yacht club (where we were having the reception dinner at 6pm). I had a Jim Beam and cola because I was in internal distress and was very uncomfortable and knew that that would relax me.

I didn't have enough money to get the bride and groom a present and hadn't gotten around to buying them a card so I was feeling a heavy guilt and down on myself for that.

I found my place at the 6th table and remembered some of the ladies that had been at the hens night, so I felt momentarily more relaxed......

Then I realised the usual social chat that happens at a table:
What do you do for a living?
Do You have a partner?
Do you have any kids?
Where do you live?

They are easy questions right?
Well how do you explain you have a serious mental illness which has prevented you from being able to keep employment/pursue education, have a healthy relationship/let alone kids, to top it off you cant afford your own place because of a lack of money?

Needless to say the bar was open and over time I had drink after drink (champagne sunset - champagne, orange juice and red cordial)
I didn't drink till I was belligerent or overly intoxicated, I just drank until the discomfort went away.

Over the night I was able to have a lot of laughs.... have conversations that were light and even add a few fb friends.

The morning after came and soon the negative and the paranoid thoughts crept in...

What if they think I drank far too much?
Did I look like an idiot/alcoholic/disgusting etc?

I spoke to my psychotherapist about it today and I still havent been able to get it all out of my head....

Does anyone else do this and what do you do to try and stop yourself from doing it?

I have had a few drinks many, many times to get rid of anxiety, nervousness, and stress. I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as you were still in control and didn't make an *ss of yourself. You were at a wedding. I'm sure lots of other people had a lot more than you. It's kinda hard to stop it when it seems the only way out of a situation. Just be very careful not to go overboard or do it very often.

I can understand your fears. I know how your thoughts can turn from the simple ideas of questions to what ifs like "what if they ask why, what if they ask how? etc." I ruminate about conversations in my head all the time. It's really none of their business beyond the superficial, if they were close friends that should know they probably would already know these things about you I completely understand. Its gotta be stressful.

I know what you mean about drinking too, although I've only been real drunk a handful of times. I could see how you would feel ashamed but you shouldn't. Fact is I'm gonna take a wild stab and guess that even if you got drunk, there were probably more than a handful of others that did the same. It was a party, I wouldn't worry about it.

[AngelWolf3]

I have done that too. I just drink until I can relax more around people and "open up" more, but not too much. I agree with s4 and Maranara, that you were at a reception, and that I would think that people had more to drink than you.

I don't really know how to avoid feeling the shame/negative feelings that creep in, but maybe try to focus on the fact that you did end up having a good time?

[bpd2]

I can completely relate . . . and, I think that the feelings of shame, at least for me, are to do with why I drank too much: those questions! I hate them . . . The way I have been coping with them lately is to talk about one of my hobbies: book making (no, not a BOOKIE, but crafting handmade books), and I lie and say, "I can't even remember what I did yesterday! I'm so busy trying to find more materials to make books from!," etc., and I steer the questions back to them: "nice necklace! where did you find such a cool necklace?!" If people pry, as in keep trying "to find out stuff", I give them a calculating look, that I allow to linger, and say, "It's interesting that you think that is what I want to talk about right now." Stops 'em dead, but they also aren't ever going to be my friend, for sure. Then, though, there's the fallout from "being a *****" that I feel--that shift in the source of my feeling of shame. But at least with THAT one (that source), I can brainstorm ways I could have interacted differently, and I can put the focus on interaction, not on whether I am worthwhile as a person. Not a perfect solution, by any means, but it's better than the loss I used to feel when people get into those kinds of conversations.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I was at my uncle's mother's memorial last month and went thru something similar. I did not drink, but I had to walk to the car because I had a panic episode. People I did not know there, except my uncle and his gf, and, of course, Bruce my roommate.

I was scared they thought I was strange, I felt weird eating their food, too; felt like some bum freeloading food. Just my stupid bpd thoughts, probably. I really did feel like I had no business being there.

If I had not been to so many AA meetings (maybe their influence has affected me; not an alcoholic, but have been applying AA to my bpd problem) I might have done the same, drank and drank.

That social anxiety or whatever; fear of being around strangers and lots of them. Just feels so exposing.

And, absolutely---those questions---are easy ones for "nons" (person without bpd) and for ppl that do not have mental illnesses, esp that stymie their social life---but are very very hard ones for us. And sometimes they are impossible to answer properly. I know how awkward that is.

thanks and love,

Carol