[MDDBPDPTSD]

Hi.

My therapist and I have discovered that I am good at setting boundaries and terrible at enforcing them. I am trying to figure out ways to enforce boundaries in a more constructive, less reactionary way.

Right now, I generally have two methods of dealing with boundary infractions in a relationship. 1) I grumble a bit, but let it go or 2) I kick the person out of my life.

Clearly, I have a problem with black and white thinking when it comes to boundary enforcement. I do not see the hundreds of other options that must be available to me in enforcing boundaries. Invisible to me are the options that are reasonable and effective.

Can anyone help with this? Is there a way to remove this relationship scotoma? I really need to discover other ways of handling this issue. Is this in DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness? Or are there other resources available?

Please feel free to share how you handle this task in a relationship, especially with family members. Thank you.

While it's true there are a lot of gray areas, there are also many black and white areas too ... All of them pertain to our physical and emotional wellbeing ... We know what they are whenever and however they present themselves to us ... Our job is to act accordingly, and either is okay.

I've found this little formula works very well for me ... Anybody (family or not) who's supportive of me and my recovery process gets to be a part of my life ... Anybody who isn't does not.

I know that may sound simple and trite, but it is not ... It has taken years of therapy to realize it's okay to be black and white as well as gray, and that any decisions I've made and will make pertaining thereto is quite alright.

[Lamplighter]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

While it's true there are a lot of gray areas, there are also many black and white areas too ... It has taken years of therapy to realize it's okay to be black and white as well as gray

Wow I really like this and it speaks to me! I've gotten trapped in the general idea that black and white equals bad/wrong and so it's great to read what you've written Pfrog. Thanks for sharing that .

MDD I can relate to what you're saying, easy to think of what the boundaries are not so easy to stick up for them.

I'm a lot like you in that it's either/or - either let it go (not without a great deal of impotent resentment though) or kick the person out completely (usually this is only temporary though, I inevitably relent and accept them back.)

I wish I had some advice or useful experience to share, but I'm pretty much in the same boat as you so would also be interested to hear what others have to say about this.

Good post, thanks!

Torn

[BrokenNBeautiful]

the ones who honor our boundaries and forgive the way we may enforce them are the ones to keep.

the ones who cannot deal with it can go somewhere else.

I found that out the hard way.

Carol