i seem to forget all of my coping mechanisms...

(possible triggers) and long-ish.

when im having one of my "moments" whether it be that i'm having a panic attack, im ultra super depressed & sad or extremely angry...

i always seem to forget all of the things i've learned that can help. methods ive found through my own research, things ive gotten from my therapy and things ive learned here for the short amount of time ive been here.

i have so many things in my toolbox, but im not using any of them...my mind seems to blank on them when im in certain modes or moods. i cant think of anything else other than what's going on in that particular moment.

after everything is over, i'm always saying to myself "i could have/should have done this..." but in those moments, those other things dont exist...there's only anger and/or sadness and/or fear. of course everything positive i could have done always comes to me AFTER the fact.

i wish i could be more mindful and aware.

coping mechanisms only seem to work if you can get into a rational mindset...and well, i suck at being "rational" because all i ever want to do is freak out, throw things around, stab, cut & rip through material with knives & scissors, cry, cry some more, scream, pull hair from various parts of my body...all of the not-so-great ways to "deal" with feelings.

why cant i ever remember the positive coping methods in the moments im supposed to remember them? why do they seem to not exist until im already "okay" again and dont really need them AS much?

OH my gosh I totally understand this. I would have replied to you sooner, but I have been very all-over the place today.

I am the same way. I know all these awesome things to use to help me cope, and yet, I fail to use them when they are needed most. Yes, I too end up resorting to throwing things, cussing, screaming, just generally doing "insert behavior here" wrong things to feel "better."

I have trouble being mindful too, I wish I had some advice, but I do have a bit of understanding, if that helped at all.

You totally rang my bell. I don't have as many tools in my toolbox as I should. But when I'm in the middle of very strong emotions, everything else disappears. I just can't seem to access rational thought--or that toolbox. Everything is about that moment and how I feel.

I think a lot of us could identify with this. I haven't been in DBT long, only been to two sessions and have been off for a month while I'm waiting for insurance from my new job to kick in, but I know some skills and I can't even remember those when I need them. It's not easy. If it were, none of us would be in the place we are. Just keep swimming.

The SAME thing happens to me. All. The. Time. I have so many tools that I "know" to use, yet when the situation arises, they seem to vanish and I go into my crazy, hellish BPD rage. Even when my husband uses our code word which is supposed to bring me back from the brink, I ignore it! So frustrating to me.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I was hoping it gets better after while, but I guess it must stay hard using the coping skills. Thinking about all of it just seems to stress me out. I hope at least that gets better!