[LoneWolfie]

I was informed by my psychiatrist who I have talk therapy with weekly and it has been a year now, that I have slide way backwards and that she can't help me it will take years.

That I need to go back to the intensive dbt program that I left 7 weeks into a 15 week program in the fall.

Well it is not sitting well with me. My anger is off the charts has been off the chart for over a week. To the point that the other day on the bus I was ready to punch someone in the f ing face if they looked at me wrong!

I left the program in the fall, or I should say I "RAN like all hell way." When I left my pdoc said there are others ways to get from point A to B, well now she is contradicting herself.

Several weeks ago she said my getting my driving license back was coming soon, that she was seeing enough progress and that I was more stable. Now she told me I won't get my license back unless I go back to the program!

Needless to say I am under a lot of distress and I know that this anger that is bubbling under the surface is fear based. I did learn some things in the dbt program when I was there but it was bringing up things I guess I am not ready to face.

I did call the personality disorder service that offers the intensive dbt program and I had to answer questions but they may not have liked the fact that I was so honest either. That my pdoc says she can't help me and that I am afraid that she is going to drop me as a client. I did say I needed the intensive program but that I am terrified of coming back.

What a mess and to make matters worse have gotten drunk two weeks in a row, in order to get rid of this intense emotions.

[Ultra Darkness]

Anger. Rage. Not coherent right now. Sorry.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I went thru something, too, around December of 2010. this therapist would not see me unless I went back to __________, where I was treated very badly. I told her I had left that place and I was not going back. She said, "I cannot help you and therapy will not help you."

My situation was a little different from yours, but I do relate to dealing with ultimatums that I can't follow. And being told I am not getting any better, or that I can't be helped.

I hope you can do the dbt and/or stay in treatment. Sounds like a hard time you are having.

We are still here for you.

You are not alone.

Carol

[greentires4me]

mines different from yours they say I am getting better at controlling my emotions but I honestly don't feel that from what I am seeing.

DBT does bring up a lot of emotions from the past I know I am in DBT I am triggered every session. But since my psychiatrist said take it I am too scared to stop going to see what downhill slide happens when I stop. I don't truly believe DBT is helping but I still show up when I have to and participate. But yes walk away feeling triggered by people or events from my childhood. I don't know how I do it I just put on my walking shoes and walk out that door.

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

I went thru something, too, around December of 2010. this therapist would not see me unless I went back to __________, where I was treated very badly. I told her I had left that place and I was not going back. She said, "I cannot help you and therapy will not help you."

My situation was a little different from yours, but I do relate to dealing with ultimatums that I can't follow. And being told I am not getting any better, or that I can't be helped.

I hope you can do the dbt and/or stay in treatment. Sounds like a hard time you are having.

We are still here for you.

You are not alone.

Carol

Hi Carol and thank you for saying we are still here for you. At times it seems like I don't know where to turn.

I wasn't treated bad at the program, I just felt at times like I just wasn't getting it and that only made me anxious as to whether I was doing the homework properly.

One of the other client's just got under my skin every time she opened her mouth and that was another distraction.

My pdoc seems to keep switching the rules around and it is beginning to make me not trust her in what she tells me. I just had this discussion with an occupational therapist that runs an art group within the same mental health organization.

As I mentioned, I said I wanted to come back to the program but at the same time was being pushed into it also.

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

mines different from yours they say I am getting better at controlling my emotions but I honestly don't feel that from what I am seeing.

DBT does bring up a lot of emotions from the past I know I am in DBT I am triggered every session. But since my psychiatrist said take it I am too scared to stop going to see what downhill slide happens when I stop. I don't truly believe DBT is helping but I still show up when I have to and participate. But yes walk away feeling triggered by people or events from my childhood. I don't know how I do it I just put on my walking shoes and walk out that door.

Well my pdoc mentioned that there was improvement but I slide a little to far for her liking I guess.

The dbt program I was attending was three full days a week, they have since changed it to two full days for new people and people who have been in the program a year or a little more. Anyone that has 2 years or more, are now only going once a week. This is because of the high demand to get into the program. It also runs in 15 week semesters.

The program you are attending how often do you go? I know that it is different everywhere, I also see you are in Western Canada, I am in Ontario.

Originally Posted by LoneWolfie

My pdoc seems to keep switching the rules around and it is beginning to make me not trust her in what she tells me.

Can you bring this up with your pdoc? It's important to have open communication with the people who are treating you; if you don't trust them, your treatment is definitely impacted. And if there is a question or if you don't understand something regarding your treatment I would certainly bring it up to your pdoc right away. You are your biggest advocate when it comes to healthcare (including mental health care) and you absolutely should speak up for yourself. There are proper ways to do it, of course (I mean, don't yell at anyone ) but I mean, you know yourself best and can speak best for yourself.

[roads]

Medical people frustrate me so much when they fail to communicate clearly--and they, more than most professionals, are in a position to do so much harm.
I'm so, so sorry, (((((LoneWolfie))))), for what you've been through.
I don't believe you can't be helped, but this particular pdoc may lack skills to help people. Whatever it takes, I hope you can overlook her failing you & get yourself back into treatment that will help.
If you can get a different pdoc, even better.
I had to face some pretty intense, raw feelings a few months back--stuff I've avoided since childhood--& boy! I didn't ever want to, but it's done & I've moved on. You might have to claw your way through some junk. I was a drunk for 20 yrs but eventually had to deal. It's junk, it's not you. Remember that.
I'm always here, I'll listen to whatever, you've got us with you, supporting you.
roadie

Originally Posted by Roadie

Medical people frustrate me so much when they fail to communicate clearly--and they, more than most professionals, are in a position to do so much harm.

Remember though that medical people are people just like you and I, and imperfect just like you and I. And sometimes they are you and I--I'm a medical person and, while I take my job quite seriously I know for a fact that I've failed to communicate well in several instances over the 12 years I've been doing what I do, and it wasn't for lack of trying. A lot of factors come into play. Communication isn't easy. That's why I say that it is important that the individual seeking care also take responsibility--if they have questions, ask. You should never, ever put your provider in a position (in your mind) where they have authority over you or can make you feel like you are being strong-armed into doing something you don't want to do. You are a part of your healthcare team.

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by LoneWolfie

Well my pdoc mentioned that there was improvement but I slide a little to far for her liking I guess.

The dbt program I was attending was three full days a week, they have since changed it to two full days for new people and people who have been in the program a year or a little more. Anyone that has 2 years or more, are now only going once a week. This is because of the high demand to get into the program. It also runs in 15 week semesters.

The program you are attending how often do you go? I know that it is different everywhere, I also see you are in Western Canada, I am in Ontario.

here it runs in 7 weeks intervals and its once a week right now I am on a 7-8 week break waiting for my block to start up the emotional regulation part. They say there is a waiting list to join in but I was in a class with only 4 of us so not sure how there is a waiting list too join. and the class is only 3hours long not like full days where I see you probably get more out of it. There is only two places in my region that offers it which is like a full day travel time, because i have to take a bus to get there and live farther away then most of the others who are there.

Ok, I havne't read all the responses yet. I like to form my own opinion without being influenced by others first... so I don't know if this has been said.

I am here to help, let me say that. I understand being frustrated and angry about this. But i have to be the devil's advocate here. I don't see your pdoc as necessarily contradicting herself. First off she did say there was more than one way to get from point a to point b. The thing is, that's what she's gone and tried with you. What I see happening is that you've back slidden and she may be thinking "ok this method isn't working, maybe DBT is the better way." I'm only saying this so you have another perspective on it and hopefuly it will offset your anger.

*hugs*

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by misskeena

Can you bring this up with your pdoc? It's important to have open communication with the people who are treating you; if you don't trust them, your treatment is definitely impacted. And if there is a question or if you don't understand something regarding your treatment I would certainly bring it up to your pdoc right away. You are your biggest advocate when it comes to healthcare (including mental health care) and you absolutely should speak up for yourself. There are proper ways to do it, of course (I mean, don't yell at anyone ) but I mean, you know yourself best and can speak best for yourself.

I write a lot better than I seem to be able to talk. This is not the first time I was told something and it later changed, it has to do with the company I work for. I am currently on long term disability through my work place insurance.

I have never yelled at her and at times she asks me if I am angry I guess because of facial expressions, when in fact I am not angry at that moment but tend to be later on.

I think part of my problem is that when I have had time to think, that is when it comes out and it is in my weekly writing to her. It is never at the moment I guess I don't think that fast!lol

Originally Posted by LoneWolfie

I write a lot better than I seem to be able to talk. This is not the first time I was told something and it later changed, it has to do with the company I work for. I am currently on long term disability through my work place insurance.

I have never yelled at her and at times she asks me if I am angry I guess because of facial expressions, when in fact I am not angry at that moment but tend to be later on.

I think part of my problem is that when I have had time to think, that is when it comes out and it is in my weekly writing to her. It is never at the moment I guess I don't think that fast!lol

I write better than I speak as well. And I've had many a T ask if I was angry when I was simply frustrated and didn't have the words at the moment to express the frustration, so I sat there all red-faced with tears welling up, not speaking, holding my breath... you get the idea.

If I understand you correctly, you are able to email your pdoc after the fact? Maybe write a practice email and don't send it? I don't know. I've done this many, many times when I am sending something that I know is triggering for me or that I know I am emotional about. If I write it, then save it for a few hours and come back to it and read it over I am able to look at it a little more objectively. It doesn't work perfectly but it is so much better than writing and sending something while I'm emotional.

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Medical people frustrate me so much when they fail to communicate clearly--and they, more than most professionals, are in a position to do so much harm.
I'm so, so sorry, (((((LoneWolfie))))), for what you've been through.
I don't believe you can't be helped, but this particular pdoc may lack skills to help people. Whatever it takes, I hope you can overlook her failing you & get yourself back into treatment that will help.
If you can get a different pdoc, even better.
I had to face some pretty intense, raw feelings a few months back--stuff I've avoided since childhood--& boy! I didn't ever want to, but it's done & I've moved on. You might have to claw your way through some junk. I was a drunk for 20 yrs but eventually had to deal. It's junk, it's not you. Remember that.
I'm always here, I'll listen to whatever, you've got us with you, supporting you.
roadie

Hey (((((((((((Roadie)))))))))))) I have missed you!

Getting another pdoc would probably be out of the question, through our national health care here in Canada only pdocs are covered and I don't have to pay. I am definitely not in the position to pay someone.

I really do like my pdoc and I think there is some transference going on right now. I realize that I love her like a mother figure and am lashing out at her because I feel I am not getting the nurturing but rather tough love from her. I came to this realization just recently and don't know where to come clean to her or not.

I have read to many posts here of clients telling their t's about transference and being held at arms length or worse being terminated. If that happened I would be devastated, it is not easy for me to trust people or take what they say at face value.

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

here it runs in 7 weeks intervals and its once a week right now I am on a 7-8 week break waiting for my block to start up the emotional regulation part. They say there is a waiting list to join in but I was in a class with only 4 of us so not sure how there is a waiting list too join. and the class is only 3hours long not like full days where I see you probably get more out of it. There is only two places in my region that offers it which is like a full day travel time, because i have to take a bus to get there and live farther away then most of the others who are there.

The personality disorder service here also has different short term programs, they sort of get you ready for the intensive program. I took two of them while I was waiting to get into the intensive. One was two times a week for 3 weeks and one was once a week for 6 weeks.

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Ok, I havne't read all the responses yet. I like to form my own opinion without being influenced by others first... so I don't know if this has been said.

I am here to help, let me say that. I understand being frustrated and angry about this. But i have to be the devil's advocate here. I don't see your pdoc as necessarily contradicting herself. First off she did say there was more than one way to get from point a to point b. The thing is, that's what she's gone and tried with you. What I see happening is that you've back slidden and she may be thinking "ok this method isn't working, maybe DBT is the better way." I'm only saying this so you have another perspective on it and hopefuly it will offset your anger.

*hugs*

She made the point a to point b comment when I left the intensive dbt program I was in.

I guess the point she is making is that if she had years to treat me, she could help me. But she doesn't have years so she is telling me I need to go back to the intensive dbt program, I could spend years in that program but at least they are set up for people like us.

[greentires4me]

then at the end we have a 20 week program I am not sure what exactly that one is about but I am sure its different then the modules we have been studying seperately

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by misskeena

I write better than I speak as well. And I've had many a T ask if I was angry when I was simply frustrated and didn't have the words at the moment to express the frustration, so I sat there all red-faced with tears welling up, not speaking, holding my breath... you get the idea.

If I understand you correctly, you are able to email your pdoc after the fact? Maybe write a practice email and don't send it? I don't know. I've done this many, many times when I am sending something that I know is triggering for me or that I know I am emotional about. If I write it, then save it for a few hours and come back to it and read it over I am able to look at it a little more objectively. It doesn't work perfectly but it is so much better than writing and sending something while I'm emotional.

Most times I will drop off a hard copy for my pdoc but my act worker and an occupational therapist get the copy emailed to them. The weeks I don't get to the art group with the OT, I will email my pdoc the writing sometimes I send/give her two writings in a week.

Not so much anymore just once a week but it can be up to 4 pages. We than go over things that I have written about, I highlight what I think is important to talk about.

I realize that I am impulsive because most times I will sit on the writing for days but I rarely change what I have written I think it is important to show how emotional I was at the time. Maybe that is wrong, I don't know.