And right now it's because some anonymous people online said some things to me that really shouldn't have affected me, because I (should) know myself better than they do. And they said these things to me because I was angry and depressed and said some things that I really shouldn't have said. Because they were honest things. Depressed things.

Realizing how pathetic this predicament is, I think "God... I really am a horrible person. I say horribly stupid things, I'm weak, I can't stand criticism and to top it all off I'm self-pitying. I must really deserve to die". My next thought is "I only fantasize about killing myself as an excuse for my addiction. I'm weak and I have to kill myself. I mean smoke pot. I mean...".

Now I feel guilty for making this thread. I'm sorry - honestly. (And I just shed the first tears in weeks or months because I really, really am so, so sorry, for all the bad things that I've done.) I make too many threads. I'm probably too self-absorbed, and obviously too negative. In fact I must be a very stupid person to say and think all of these stupid things when I should just keep my bad thoughts to myself and think positive instead. Seriously, what kind of a person reacts like this to something so insignificant?


By havesomehats: bunny 2 by ~havesomehats on deviantART

Originally Posted by AndreC

Seriously, what kind of a person reacts like this to something so insignificant?

Hey, I know how you're feeling, and believe me, I completely understand overreacting to things that seem so insignificant. The negativity, not being able to handle criticism, feeling like you're weak. Yeah, I understand that. But what seems insignificant to others isn't insignificant to us. It might have just been the internet, but those things still hurt, and you were right to feel hurt; it doesn't matter whether it's in real life or on the internet. You won't be judged here though and you're more than welcome to make threads. We're here for you.

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Hey, I know how you're feeling, and believe me, I completely understand overreacting to things that seem so insignificant. The negativity, not being able to handle criticism, feeling like you're weak. Yeah, I understand that. But what seems insignificant to others isn't insignificant to us. It might have just been the internet, but those things still hurt, and you were right to feel hurt; it doesn't matter whether it's in real life or on the internet. You won't be judged here though and you're more than welcome to make threads. We're here for you.

Thank you! What you're saying makes sense. I don't want to feel like a horrible person, but it's difficult when I resent the way I act and the things I say.

[greyclouds]

Hey we all have those moments you are not alone tonight some random stranger called me some abusive words for no reason.
It has really upset me. And I thought of hurting myself.

But we all know that it won't help things.

You are not a bad person. Please keep safe we want you here

[avlady]

This is all a learning experience on this website, as you see you've heard from some people. These people and me have "problems" that we as friends can relate to and give our insights to and help each other. I just joined in jan and have never been so helped in all my years of therapy. I can relate to others here and even though we're not doctors or T's we can help each other as we also go through the same things and the world gets a bit smaller. Well have a great day and enjoy yourself, and post too!!!

Thank you all! I am a bit more stable now, not so suicidal. I started replying to threads here on the forums and it helped to feel like maybe I was helping someone else. But then other people replied, and I worried about what they would be replying next, and I worried about what they meant even when they didn't reply to something I said, and I started thinking that they must all hate me. I know this isn't rational, but it's too much for me right now. I'm giving in and going to find something to drink or smoke. Bye for now!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am glad you are feeling better AndreC. I relate to these feelings and thoughts.

Carol

[Inedible]

Hi. I see it says you are from Norway and it is during the winter months still. Isn't it really cold there, and isn't there something about it getting dark earlier than a lot of places around the world? And culturally, I heard that the people there tend to appear more controlled and stoic - so if you feel out of control and everyone around looks like they are doing fine it would be really isolating. But I heard that depression is as common as the cold there in winter.

[TheRealFDeal]

AndreC, you are in good company. My dad always used to tell me that I was too sensitive. I didn't know that I got hurt about things that others let roll off their backs! It's tough feeling hurt all the time, especially when you don't "hear" well. I've also been told that I have a brain filter that only lets negative interpretations in.

Yes, a lot of people get winter depressions here, but I don't have SAD and I don't think that's a big issue for me. This is an all year round thing. I do feel isolated though.

It's humiliating to be so sensitive and get hurt by small things. I think it has a lot to do with my parents as well.