[Jamielow]

I've not seen my children in 12 months missing them so bad my ex
Is making it so hard I'm frightened she will use my bpd to stop me
I'm ashamed I have this what will they think of me
Frightened what to say if I get to see them it's all my fault
I want to end my life how am I going to get through it
I failed as a farther feeling so alone can't sleep any more not
Eating hope to starve myself and end it my kids will be better off
Without me why did this happen to me what did I do

[greyclouds]

It's not your fault your ill.

Don't give up on you and don't give up on them.

Prove how much you love them and keep on fighting.
She won't have hold of them forever and you can explain to them.

please keep safe

[shezbut]

Don't give up on fighting to see your children, jamielow.

Your children will understand that you've been sick, and that you do love them dearly. You just have to hold onto that reminder and get help, to get you through this very rough patch away from your children. Perhaps you qualify for some sort of assistance to help you work through what is supposed to be done next.

Gentle hugs to you. Please stay safe for your children. They do love you!

[greentires4me]

never let them go their your children....

your just ill right now things do eventually get better some people have noted this so I know it is possible.

make them your reason to keep going...

I don't know all of the details of your situation and why you're where you're at, but I'll be honest with you, it's rarely all of one person's fault, no matter how it may seem. In a marriage it always takes two people to either make it work or break the marriage. I thought the same thing at first after my ex left, or at least the brunt of it but I've learned over time that she's got her own set of problems that contributed too and actually she's seeing this also.

I feel for you but the fact of the matter is that it should not be an option even to end it all right now. In time, you will see that it does get better. Kids are never better off with one parent as opposed to two and also they are not going to be better off if you leave this world, they will be left with the guilt of thinking that they did something wrong, or weren't good enough, that's the nature of children. You don't want to leave them with that even if right now you can't see them they know you're there and if you left that way it would only be worse for them trust me on that.

She can't keep your kids from you. The only way that could happen is if you let her. You have to fight for them and the fact is if they are your children, in most states, the court recognizes the importance of both parents and respects your right to see them as much as hers. BPD will likely not be enough to make them keep you from your kids. Unless you abused them or have criminal charges for domestic violence during the relationship or marriage, it won't hold any water if she tries to pull that.

Hang in there, it gets easier with time, even as debilitating as it seems right now, it does eventually pass. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

~S4

[Jamielow]

Thanks everyone this is very hard I'm on my own and miss them
So much I get a sinking feeling right through me they say what doesn't kill
You make you stronger I will do my very best and jump every hoop to see them take care all hugs

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by Jamielow

Thanks everyone this is very hard I'm on my own and miss them
So much I get a sinking feeling right through me they say what doesn't kill
You make you stronger I will do my very best and jump every hoop to see them take care all hugs

All the best Jamie, you can do this and we will be here to support you.

It will be worth it In the end.

[MissLadyRed]

I wish I could give more words of advice, but all I can say is what everyone has said, don't give up. Stay strong and keep trying the best you can. BPD might cause some problems for you as it does all us, but it doesn't mean we don't love and care and can still be good parents, friends and family. Your heart and love for your kids is what matters. Sending big hugs your way.

[TheRealFDeal]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I feel for you but the fact of the matter is that it should not be an option even to end it all right now. In time, you will see that it does get better. Kids are never better off with one parent as opposed to two and also they are not going to be better off if you leave this world, they will be left with the guilt of thinking that they did something wrong, or weren't good enough, that's the nature of children. You don't want to leave them with that even if right now you can't see them they know you're there and if you left that way it would only be worse for them trust me on that.

I can't emphasize enough what S4 said. I'm not a parent, but I'm a daughter who has always needed her father. You have to find some support and fight for them so that they can never say you didn't try. They do love you and they need you (even if they are old enough to be angry with you and say they don't). They are your reason for living.

[kimberly84]

don't give up my dad had lots of issues and I wanted his love till the day he died as long as you show it they'll know