I'm getting ready to send this to a woman that I thought was more than a friend, but she told me that she couldn't love me in that way. I was okay w/ that, not happy, but dealing w/ it. But then a yesterday she sent me a text stating that I was only out to get something for myself.

I know that the story is a lot longer than the above, but I want to send the following to her, but I want others opinion first.

"You may completely hate me after you read this, but that is up to you. I hope you don't. But I do have to say it. I was devastated when you text me the other day saying that I wasn't a friend that I was only out to get something.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I am sorry that you think that I'm not your friend. The only thing I ever ask for, and I never said it out loud, was that I wanted your love and respect. After you told me that you couldn't feel the same, I dealt w/ it. Am I happy w/ it? Maybe not, but I dealt w/ it. It never meant that I stopped loving or caring about you. I still don't want anything in return.

To say what you said in a text message really hurt me, but I can understand that you were in pain. B/c it feels as if you don't have enough respect for me to tell me face to face or even over the phone. Yes, I can also admit, I caused a little of it, but it did hurt what you said that you put me with them. To be lumped into a group of people that only want something from you hurts really bad, and will hurt. Everything I've done, I've done out of love. I've always been there for you, and will always be there for you for no other reason than love. I've never asked for anything nor have I ever expected anything.

Yes, I love you,but not just a romantic love. Because that has not been the only way I have felt about you. I love you as a friend, a companion, and as a person. Would I love it if you felt a romantic love toward me? Yes I would, but I know you don't. Signals got crossed. You even said so yourself.

I don't what to loss you. I don't want to loss you as a friend. After the last few years, I've grown attached to you. I care about you. I want you happy. That's all I ever wanted. Many times, I've put my feelings aside b/c I wanted you happy. But, when I'm honest about how I feel, you tell me I'm somebody that only wants one thing from you? I can tell you, that that one thing hasn't meant much to me since I broke my back, and can't really do that. I've learned that love is more than that. And it will always be more than that.

I do love you, and I will always love you. I want you happy, and I will do want I need to do to make you happy. I will be here for you when you need me, and I will help you when I can.

I need you to tell you this to get this off my chest before it eats me alive."

[TheRealFDeal]

I understand the need to "get this off your chest." I've certainly been in many positions where I felt a driving need to respond to something because I felt misunderstood. Not everything warrants a response, though. I'm afraid you're not going to get satisfaction from sending this. Not knowing the full situation, though, I hope you get other responses before you do.

I agree with TheRealFDeal; not everything warrants a response. I think she has made clear how she feels and the best thing to do, at least for now, is to back off, not cling. Sorry if that sounds harsh but sending this to her may push her even further from you. I think, if I were in her place, it would definitely push me away. And really, sending it just to get it off of your chest is only doing something for yourself--it doesn't really take her feelings into account, thus proving the original point.

I need harsh.

[salsharia]

Hi Jeffro,

What came of this? Did you refrain from sending it? I know that I burn inside when I can't get things off my chest.. so I can relate. Good plan, to contemplate and ask for feedback before sending. I hope it helped you to release some of that energy.

Originally Posted by misskeena

I agree with TheRealFDeal; not everything warrants a response. I think she has made clear how she feels and the best thing to do, at least for now, is to back off, not cling. Sorry if that sounds harsh but sending this to her may push her even further from you. I think, if I were in her place, it would definitely push me away. And really, sending it just to get it off of your chest is only doing something for yourself--it doesn't really take her feelings into account, thus proving the original point.

I agree with both MissKeena and RealF.

Thing is that the fact that she first responded that she couldn't love you taht way and then went further and said something to the effect of how she feels about what you want from her kind of says she's put her foot down, so to speak. Regardless of it was fair or not of her perception of your motives. Thing is you really have a good reason to want to respond as you have posted here but it comes down to the fact it won't be taken well considering how she feels.

Also like Keena said, it's to satisfy your own needs, it seems.

Best thing to do is to be strong about it and just endure the feelings you have, resisting the urge to respond.

it's always better to back off and leave it be in this kind of situation. take it from someone who has been both the sender and the recipient of similar unwanted attention: it's just irritating when people try to explain themselves in this situation. in general, it gets brushed aside if it's even read and is considered another desperate ploy so the sender can get something out of it.

regardless of your true intentions, she's not going to see it as you just want to keep being friends. she's going to see it as you want to keep being friends so that if you catch her in a weak moment she'll finally give in.

Thank you for all your responses. I feel like a fool. I didn't send it. I kept reading it last night, and i kept hurting. I know she is not the answer to my pain. That must come from me, but God does it hurt. I needed you guys and you were there. I do thank you

Sent from my C5170 using Tapatalk 2

huge hugs to you, jeffro. you are extremely brave posting such an intimate question.

She just sent me a text saying cheer up, i love you. I haven't responded, and don't know if i should.

Sent from my C5170 using Tapatalk 2

don't respond. it's better that way. she ought to know better than to give you mixed signals. that's not fair to you.

[UnderTheRose]

That's very unfair of her to send mixed signals like that. Although there are so many things I would want to say to that like "hey, no mixed signals please, I'm having a hard enough time as it is" its probably best not to say anything. People often say stuff like that so flippantly "cheer up, I love you"...as a way to pass off the responsibility of hurting someone. Responding will only further the dialogue and drag it out.

Last night I think I pick up my phone, and started responding, but put it right back down w/o saying anything. My T says it's not a healthy relationship, and I'm finally believing her, but I'm glad you guys are here.

[UnderTheRose]

I don't even know you, but I'm glad that we are all here together, and I can really totally relate to your situation. I wish that when I was younger and going through some majorly insane heartaches that there was something other than my bottles of liquor to turn to. No internet back then sadly. I think your T is right, it does NOT sound like a healthy relationship, especially with those sorts of mixed signals.

Originally Posted by DreamAddiction37

don't respond. it's better that way. she ought to know better than to give you mixed signals. that's not fair to you.

I agree with this. She is definitely sending you mixed signals now. I think it's best to step away from this relationship. No explanation needed...just walk away.

Take good care of you. Do not respond. It is good to focus on yourself and moving forward. Hug to you

Rose, you are so right it is so time for me to work on myself. Although it is hard not to respond, I haven't. Every time I think about it, I do some thing else, like check out PC, and it keeps me distracted, which I think is what I need to do right about now.

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

She just sent me a text saying cheer up, i love you. I haven't responded, and don't know if i should.

Sent from my C5170 using Tapatalk 2

ugh. Run, run far, run fast. That's just awful that after the clear message she sent previously, she would send something like that. She, in my opinion is manipulative and is messing with you. She knows clearly how you feel about her and unless she's completely thick, she knew exactly how her "i love you" would affect you. She's playing mind games and not only should you not respond but you should block her and just move on completely.

[poptartscherry]

This relationship sounds dysfunctional; so I should be able to relate. First, don't think there's anything wrong with saying you were hurt; but friendship is two people caring about each other. Mutual respect. Sounds like you are saying I will always be here. Always love you; NOT the way you love me. Sounds like she has a reason to believe you wanted more than a friendship. You said something about since my back hurt etc. She is not going to forget that. Almost sounds needy. I want you to be happy and you will probably not like this. Doesn't sound like a good relationship. Hope you'll be happy.

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

I'm getting ready to send this to a woman that I thought was more than a friend, but she told me that she couldn't love me in that way. I was okay w/ that, not happy, but dealing w/ it. But then a yesterday she sent me a text stating that I was only out to get something for myself.

I know that the story is a lot longer than the above, but I want to send the following to her, but I want others opinion first.

"You may completely hate me after you read this, but that is up to you. I hope you don't. But I do have to say it. I was devastated when you text me the other day saying that I wasn't a friend that I was only out to get something.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I am sorry that you think that I'm not your friend. The only thing I ever ask for, and I never said it out loud, was that I wanted your love and respect. After you told me that you couldn't feel the same, I dealt w/ it. Am I happy w/ it? Maybe not, but I dealt w/ it. It never meant that I stopped loving or caring about you. I still don't want anything in return.

To say what you said in a text message really hurt me, but I can understand that you were in pain. B/c it feels as if you don't have enough respect for me to tell me face to face or even over the phone. Yes, I can also admit, I caused a little of it, but it did hurt what you said that you put me with them. To be lumped into a group of people that only want something from you hurts really bad, and will hurt. Everything I've done, I've done out of love. I've always been there for you, and will always be there for you for no other reason than love. I've never asked for anything nor have I ever expected anything.

Yes, I love you,but not just a romantic love. Because that has not been the only way I have felt about you. I love you as a friend, a companion, and as a person. Would I love it if you felt a romantic love toward me? Yes I would, but I know you don't. Signals got crossed. You even said so yourself.

I don't what to loss you. I don't want to loss you as a friend. After the last few years, I've grown attached to you. I care about you. I want you happy. That's all I ever wanted. Many times, I've put my feelings aside b/c I wanted you happy. But, when I'm honest about how I feel, you tell me I'm somebody that only wants one thing from you? I can tell you, that that one thing hasn't meant much to me since I broke my back, and can't really do that. I've learned that love is more than that. And it will always be more than that.

I do love you, and I will always love you. I want you happy, and I will do want I need to do to make you happy. I will be here for you when you need me, and I will help you when I can.

I need you to tell you this to get this off my chest before it eats me alive."

[UnderTheRose]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

ugh. Run, run far, run fast. That's just awful that after the clear message she sent previously, she would send something like that. She, in my opinion is manipulative and is messing with you.

yes! this exactly!!!

In my heart of hearts, I think it was dysfunctional from the get go. But it is so hard to walk away, and I know I should. The rational me wants to get away, but the emotional part of me is scared to. I hope that makes sense to you guys. (There is more, but I don't it may be a trigger for some, and I don't want to trigger anyone.)

I know what I need to do. But having the strength is a different matter. I've been reading a lot on the boards, and I've been getting stronger everyday. Still have those days though.

I'm so grateful for all of you on here. You guys and gals have been a real life saver, and I do appreciate it more than I could ever express in words.