I want to be normal

being normal is no fun

I think we all, in some way, want to be "normal." I, too, have struggled with that feeling. After thinking I was finally "cured" and weaning myself off my meds, I ended up in the hospital 12 months later. I have realized I will never be off meds. It is my reality. It is my "normal." I had to go through a grieving process with that realization. It was hard. Every now and then, when I'm with holistic friends, discussing whole foods and healthy living, and they begin talking about the evils of medicine, I almost get embarrassed. It is a long process accepting that my body chemistry demands a little help in order for me to be able to reach my potential. I try to be grateful that I live in a time and place where good meds exist, and not in the past or in another country where help would not be possible.

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I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone with any of what you are saying. Even though I am not on medication, I often feel like a drone. I wake up, I go to work and I try to relax this stupid mind of mine but that's all it is. Just... doing.. Not.. Living. And it's really hard at times because you see everybody else getting so much enjoyment from things, actually managing to follow through with drams and goals. If you think it's the medication then I would speak to your pdoc, other than that all I can really say is try to find your passion in life.. I always feel alive and fired up when it comes to the topic of mental health Stay strong and just keep fighting, those brief moments of happiness will keep you sailing.

Sending love your way. <3

Misskeena, I also desperately want off meds. In my eyes, I will then be "normal" too. I'm waiting for my pdoc to get back so I can tell her to shove them where the sun don't shine

I'll probably only last a month before I have a meltdown but meh, I've got to at least try.

I'm trying to cut myself down from 80mg of Geodon a day to 40mg (with my pdoc's knowledge and permission) and it's causing my anxiety to go through the roof. Because I'm cutting one measly pill from my regimen. Like, what does Geodon have to do with anxiety anyway, it's an anti-psychotic? I wake up feeling absolutely horrible and it doesn't go away until well after I take that 40mg morning dose. So I got the brilliant idea, last night, of switching the 40mg to nighttime and maybe then I'd wake up feeling better. That worked, but now I'm feeling absolutely horrible in the evening. I don't know which is worse; waking up and feeling horrible and panicky before I have to go to work in the morning, or feeling increasingly horrible and panicky for the latter part of the day.

Can I say it again? I. Just. Want. To. Be. Normal.

I really appreciate your contribution. I could only hope to get to the place where you are. I believe it's call RADICAL ACCEPTANCE!

I find it interesting that I haven't looked at this thread in a while and today I received an instant message. I received a call from my psychiatrist because she received on note from my therapist about me wanting to discontinue my meds. I told her that I wanted to try to live without them. I often feel really frustrated about having to be dependent on them. After reading what Pink wrote I'm having second thoughts.