I have this ingrained way of thinking and it's very paradoxical. I tend to be a pretty postive thinker in many ways and pretty optimistic about things but at the same time inside there's this pessimist in me saying "no that'll never happen..." with regards to good things actually happening. It's like a constant battle inside my poor fragile brain. o.O

Anyway.. on the one hand I'm very optimistic about the future. I see things finally happening for me and I keep thinking "well it's been a long time coming, it's about time" Basically the car getting on the road and in the future, the new place for me and my kids. But a part of me is in disbelief. Part of me has a hard time believing that anything good can really happen, and that something is sure to go wrong about it all. "It's not possible for S4 to have things go his way, not to this extent" as if this is beyond what could really happen :/ it's irrational and illogical because what is happening, is what people do in life, right? They have cars, they drive to work and get their own places etc.. it's not anything outrageous.. But the pessimist remains there.. if it were real I would kick him in the butt right now and shut it up but .. I can't so.. there he remains I force myself to think more realistically on these things but it takes conscious effort.

So it's causing a bit of anxiety to try and haunt me right now. I'm alright, it's just a tinge of anxiety... the "what if?" it doesn't work out.. etc.

I'll be alright, just kind of venting Thanks for listening.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Actually, I am learning through therapy that you can kick that pessimist out. He is just one of your many parts, and right now he is flexing his muscles. Have a conversation with him, tell him you know that he is trying to protect you from getting hurt (because that's probably what he is trying to do) but you need him to just step back and let you handle this. It's a theory called Internal Family Systems developed by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D. and it is amazing. Ask you T about it, or go on line and look for information. It has helped me a bunch to learn to deal with all my "parts", especially when I am having a "part attack". And hugs to you as well...It's gonna be good, I just know it.

[avlady]

I suffer with the what if. I constantly bothers me, i can't seem to get a grip on positive thoughts, the negative seems to just take over. how do i become more positive and is it possible, with all the negative things that have happened already?

[GeorgiaGirl413]

here's link to an article on IFS
www.selfleadership.org/about/thelargerself

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by avlady

I suffer with the what if. I constantly bothers me, i can't seem to get a grip on positive thoughts, the negative seems to just take over. how do i become more positive and is it possible, with all the negative things that have happened already?

It's possible. Here is my story. Though I have not eliminated all the negative in my life, I am so much better than I was. But it has taken a lot of work and more than anything it has taken my being proactive in my care. The T I had before the one I am working with now told me after several months of no progress (and my being very distessed over it) "you just came in here and fell down like a puddle at my feet. You expect me to do all the work to make you better, and that's not what therapy is. You have to do your part. Everytime I suggest something you have a reason why you can't, or it won't work. You have to at least try some of the things that I suggest. If you aren't willing to do that, then I can't help you". Well, needless to say, I was totally ticked off, but I forced myself to sit there and listen to what she had to say. And I am just stubborn enough that I was going to prove her wrong. It has made all the difference. Ask your T this question the you asked here so that they can help you with it. That's what you are paying them for. Also be willing to do what they suggest that you do.

[allme]

You have already been given good advice so not much I can add other than I agree it's a part of yourself trying to protect you and prepare you for oncoming failure. BUT don't listen to it! Don't question it, just go with it

You can do it! Stay strong, stay positive, stay happy~! And most of all, believe in yourself!

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413

It's possible. Here is my story. Though I have not eliminated all the negative in my life, I am so much better than I was. But it has taken a lot of work and more than anything it has taken my being proactive in my care. The T I had before the one I am working with now told me after several months of no progress (and my being very distessed over it) "you just came in here and fell down like a puddle at my feet. You expect me to do all the work to make you better, and that's not what therapy is. You have to do your part. Everytime I suggest something you have a reason why you can't, or it won't work. You have to at least try some of the things that I suggest. If you aren't willing to do that, then I can't help you". Well, needless to say, I was totally ticked off, but I forced myself to sit there and listen to what she had to say. And I am just stubborn enough that I was going to prove her wrong. It has made all the difference. Ask your T this question the you asked here so that they can help you with it. That's what you are paying them for. Also be willing to do what they suggest that you do.

Thanks for all your advice and thoughts on this. I dont' go to Ts anymore because I'm just too stubborn to listen to others in that manner. I do exactly what you said but to an extreme. I'm kind of independent in the way that if I feel like someone is telling me what to do, most of the time, I will resist. :/ It's not a good trait and I try to work on it but it is what it is. I completely understand and agree that you can't say something won't work without even trying and no one, not even the best t in the world can help if you're not willing to do anything they say. For me, this applies in that without a T I know, I have to do it, even if I had one, it would fall on me to work on myself and my life, they would just be there to advise and encourage me. But I've always been a self-help fanatic and research maniac so I can and do find pretty much all the information I need online, including here, with helpful people such as you

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413

Actually, I am learning through therapy that you can kick that pessimist out. He is just one of your many parts, and right now he is flexing his muscles. Have a conversation with him, tell him you know that he is trying to protect you from getting hurt (because that's probably what he is trying to do) but you need him to just step back and let you handle this. It's a theory called Internal Family Systems developed by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D. and it is amazing. Ask you T about it, or go on line and look for information. It has helped me a bunch to learn to deal with all my "parts", especially when I am having a "part attack". And hugs to you as well...It's gonna be good, I just know it.

Like I said most of the time, I am pretty optimistic and somehow I have beat the pessimist to a point, it's at critical times or when very good events are about to happen where the disbelief comes into play and where it's most important I need to learn to shut him up. I know its there to protect me or supposedly keep me from hurt, but frankly, he's a pain in the *** right now.

[Luvmydog]

I struggle with the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" thoughts too. I don't really have any advice or quippy anecdotes, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this.

Originally Posted by Luvmydog

I struggle with the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" thoughts too. I don't really have any advice or quippy anecdotes, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this.

thanks I figured a few people here would relate.