I was a bit afraid of this. I haven't had the reality of full working weeks for a little while. And I think that lack of normality enabled me to not especially feel exactly how I was. Does that even make sense?

Reality has hit today, pretty hard! Back to how I was a month ago....that really was not a good place to be. This is not so good. I don't like reality

[allme]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I was a bit afraid of this. I haven't had the reality of full working weeks for a little while. And I think that lack of normality enabled me to not especially feel exactly how I was. Does that even make sense?

Reality has hit today, pretty hard! Back to how I was a month ago....that really was not a good place to be. This is not so good. I don't like reality

Oh no I don't like reality either which is why I tend to live in my bubble in the security of my own home. I hardly ever venture out and usually spend my time here and working from lap top.

I admire the fact you even have a job in the real world. Maybe once you get there is will seem better? Going back to work after some time off is always tough in the best of situations.

I feel for you

Like I said, maybe it wont be as bad as you think and if it is, we'll deal with it

I'm already here started at 8:30! *yawn*

I just struggle to stay focused. My mind wanders and the unwanted thoughts intrude and don't tend to leave me. It makes me feel worse and it's something I can't seem to stop.

[allme]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I'm already here started at 8:30! *yawn*

I just struggle to stay focused. My mind wanders and the unwanted thoughts intrude and don't tend to leave me. It makes me feel worse and it's something I can't seem to stop.

Ah I see! I used to struggle to concentrate too! I took 6 months off in one year when they decided to start disciplinary hearings against me. Became too much so I left in the end but now I work from home so all good!

Hope the day gets better for you!

[Maranara]

Life....and BPD in particular...is filled with constant ups and downs, never knowing exactly how you're going to feel next, and I know it can be very, very scary when you feel as though you've reverted to a previous bad state..... Don't let fear or anticipation of the worst get in your way. We often fear something and inadvertently make it come true because of our very actions to prevent it. I KNOW it's not easy, but hang in there, use distraction techniques, practice mindfulness, treat yourself with compassion, and you'll get through it...and we'll be here to help.

Talking on here when I was at work helped a lot today! (Thanks allme ) Day 1 was a success then I guess

I will do my best not to let this come true. I know what you mean, I think I end up doing that a lot. Sometimes when I feel good I almost urge myself to feel bad again just because I know it will happen sooner or later!

I've never come across mindfulness. What is it?

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Talking on here when I was at work helped a lot today! (Thanks allme ) Day 1 was a success then I guess

I will do my best not to let this come true. I know what you mean, I think I end up doing that a lot. Sometimes when I feel good I almost urge myself to feel bad again just because I know it will happen sooner or later!

I've never come across mindfulness. What is it?

Mindfulness is the basis of both DBT and meditation, which are two of the most prevalent ways to combat BPD. Basically, as BPD's but it's actually something most people do most of the time, we don't live in the present moment. We dwell on the past or worry about the future (as what you're doing when you're scared of going "back" to how you were before). What mindfulness does is tries to get us to "live in the moment". Live for the present without dwelling on those things. It DOES work, but it also requires A LOT of work. I firmly believe if it wasn't for meditation I would have been admitted several weeks ago.

What a lot of people tend to do with this stuff is they half-heartedly try it once or twice, proclaim that it doesn't work, like an old appliance, and discard it. It takes a while to understand what to do and I firmly believe that most of us can benefit if we're willing to keep and open mind and do the work.

www.dbtselfhelp.com is a good place to start and look. You can go to a section called "Instant Mindfulness" for some short, self-guided meditations and it also has comprehensive DBT lessons which I've started doing again.

Of course, there's other methods to come to mindfulness. Some are able to figure it out on their own and don't necessarily call it such... It works regardless.

Thanks, I will take a look at that! i've never even been offered DBT or anything so I will definitely look and see what it's all about

[allme]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Talking on here when I was at work helped a lot today! (Thanks allme ) Day 1 was a success then I guess

I will do my best not to let this come true. I know what you mean, I think I end up doing that a lot. Sometimes when I feel good I almost urge myself to feel bad again just because I know it will happen sooner or later!

I've never come across mindfulness. What is it?

Aww you're more than welcome! Certainly made my afternoon go nicely!!

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Thanks, I will take a look at that! i've never even been offered DBT or anything so I will definitely look and see what it's all about

If you'd like any additional resources, just let me know. It's hard to do it by yourself, but definitely possible.

They also have a DBT chat here once a week. I've lost track of when it is, but it may be difficult for you to attend, being on the other side of the pond and all...

[jdub2013]

Work is tough. I go through the same thing. One day it feels like I can take on the world, and the next I want to curl up and a ball and PRAY that no one talks to me (which is actually impossible because I am a bartender lol). It's tough because we try and fake it, we try and put on an "everything's fine" mask. I don't know how to describe it better than this, but when other people (whether it's a coworker/customer/whatever) bring up their own personal drama, for some reason I absorb it and it's like I take it on as my own issue. And it only makes things worse. It's very difficult to think of ourselves in times of soap opera-esque nonsense. Easier said than done, that's for sure... but once in a while... BE "selfish." Do the things that will benefit YOU. Consider it a mini "mental vacation."

I could never be a bartender thats for sure! I kind of do something similar, although I don't absorb it as my own issue...I just absorb the mood! So if there is a day when everyone in the office seems to be moaning/upset/annoyed then that gets added to whatever I'm already feeling. I do try to shut myself away in my own bubble to avoid being affected but it always seems to seep in somehow. And once it's there it doesn't leave :/

[jdub2013]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I could never be a bartender thats for sure! I kind of do something similar, although I don't absorb it as my own issue...I just absorb the mood! So if there is a day when everyone in the office seems to be moaning/upset/annoyed then that gets added to whatever I'm already feeling. I do try to shut myself away in my own bubble to avoid being affected but it always seems to seep in somehow. And once it's there it doesn't leave :/

It's odd. It feels like I transform into a completely different person, who can easily put on the facade of caring about people's issues even though I have just met them. Very difficult to explain. But who would think a few meters of wood separating two people can make such a difference? a "social moat?" lol

Ha I like that idea I need a social moat!!