[Kl3b0rg]

Hello. I am a 22 year old male. For years I have been convinced by all of the material I have read that I suffer from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Anxiety is a huge factor in all of my daily problems/struggles. First I suffer from horrid daily headaches that almost always end up being a migraine later in the day. The pain is so severe that I want to stay in my bedroom all of the time. When I am not in pain I want to avoid anything that I fear will be a trigger for a headache. When I have a migraine, I get anxious that its going to be a bad one and because I'm so anxious and paranoid about it, it makes my head hurt that much worse. When I don't have a migraine, I still fear that I will get one regardless of anything and because I'm stressing myself out by worrying, lo and behold my migraine appears again. Now this has been affecting my relationship with fiancé, work, the fact I don't even have my license yet, my living situation and just everything in general. My brain runs extremely fast and its so fast that when I have a simple thought as to where I would like to eat or what I would like to eat turns into a hell battle because I can't say words fast enough out loud to keep up with my fast brain and I get confused so easily and then I don't even want to do anything at that point. I just flat out get upset too fast and see everything in black and white. I am an extremely negative person and I can spin almost anything to be the worst thing ever imaginable and THAT is the ONLY option. There's plenty more I could discuss but I suppose I will wait for questions so I can coherently answer them instead of sifting through my head and putting it down on paper. Now I don't really know where I am going with this but I just flat out need some kind of help because the severe depression I am going through is getting out of control and I hate waking up every single morning. I have nothing going on \in my life except for my lovely fiancé but I am scared to death of losing her before I can even start working on these issues myself. Before anyone asks I have never been in a position to receive/get assistance of any kind. I first had my own health insurance back in May but I couldn't afford to keep it as I lost my job immediately after due to my migraines. Since May I've been getting worse and me and my fiancé are on the verge of parting ways and I KNOW that that is all on me. I'm scared to death of life right now and I hope for nothing. Any feedback would be soo great to hear. So thanks everyone who gives this a read.

[allme]

Hi and welcome I am struggling with what to say as I can't tell you whether you have BPD or not. Some things sounds familiar but not enough to go on. If you have read the symptoms and are like, 'hell that really is me' then I would go with it -IMO- Maybe get yourself a DBT work book and get as much self help off the internet as you can! You may also find coming here on a regular basis a good source of help too

I really don't know how your health system works (and I should really probably learn seeing as most of you are from the US - I am from the UK) so maybe others here can advise you on seeking other help.

Glad you came here. Keep expressing yourself as much as you need to and hopefully you will find some answers

[kaliope]

Hi Kl3borg
Welcome to Psych Central. You will find that we have several forums that may be of interest to you where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get a lot of support here. The first thing would be to get a medical workup on your migraine to see what is wrong. DBT is a good idea for emotional regulation Again, welcome.

[Kl3b0rg]

Yeah so far the replies to the few things I have posted are just welcome to bpd forums, I understand how that is. I've been reading these forums for a couple years now so I'm as convinced as humanely possible without going to see someone and having me declared with it, that I have BPD. I am just absolutely stuck, no money, no job, came to Arizona while I was homeless in Detroit trying to take care of my sick older father. I am in no position to receive help from the government or state or anyone/anything really. I can't hold a job longer then two months without eventual firing occurring. I'm sick to death of everything and there is zero hope for myself and I have absolutely nothing ever to look forward to and the few things I DO look forward to, always get stripped away. I cannot stand myself its getting so ridiculous. And I don't even know what I'm doing on here. How can I get offered help/support if I literally cannot do anything to pursue these said possible leads (help/support). And now I'm just rambling...Thanks.

[Kl3b0rg]

And as for my migraines the hospital has already written me off as a drug seeker nothing more. They did a cat scan the first time said it was clear then they just give me Percocet as a prescription. So I don't even have going to the hospital as an option anymore. I really only feel like I have one option left.

[IndieVisible]

Welcome to the forum! I hate to say it but it's your age that makes you suspicious to hospitals and doctors too. Complaining about pain is common and almost impossible to disprove! They fear your looking for strong pain meds to get high from. Little do they know that you can get those kind of drugs off the streets easier if that was you goal. Any way there should be free clinics that you can go to. At least for you headaches! There is this really cool device that administers a mini shot in your leg, only pricks doesn't hurt, and that get's rid of any migraine in minutes! Forgot what it's called but its heavy duty and no side affects and not addictive. There is a small risk of heart attack but not enough to prevent it from going to market. That will solve your migraines for sure!

You need to start some where and I recommend a free clinic. Address your anxiety and depression. Don't tell them what you think you have! Let them "discover" it on their own. You just tell them what's bothering you and leave the rest up to them! By addressing your anxiety and depression every thing else will come out eventually! But any doctor can address depression and anxiety! LOOK FOR A FREE CLINIC!

[Kl3b0rg]

Is the drug your thinking of Imitrex? Because I've had that and it was a shot in my stomach and it made my migraine so much worse about two hours after injection. As for free clinics the only people I know in Arizona are my fiancé and her parents and they all tell me that they don't really exist out here. Or the ones that do are just horrible Mexican places that are all broken down and just give out drugs to addicts. And to further your my age and the fact its pain they can't identify I also have almost a full sleeve tattoo that covers my hand and a tattoo on my neck, facial piercings, etcetera so that definitely goes against me. I always thought my speech would compensate for my appearance but that definitely does not work. But thank you very much I appreciate the input. And to my above posts, I hadn't really described why I think I have BDP. It was more of a AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by Kl3b0rg

Is the drug your thinking of Imitrex? Because I've had that and it was a shot in my stomach and it made my migraine so much worse about two hours after injection. As for free clinics the only people I know in Arizona are my fiancé and her parents and they all tell me that they don't really exist out here. Or the ones that do are just horrible Mexican places that are all broken down and just give out drugs to addicts. And to further your my age and the fact its pain they can't identify I also have almost a full sleeve tattoo that covers my hand and a tattoo on my neck, facial piercings, etcetera so that definitely goes against me. I always thought my speech would compensate for my appearance but that definitely does not work. But thank you very much I appreciate the input. And to my above posts, I hadn't really described why I think I have BDP. It was more of a AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm sorry, I don't know the name because it was a girl I knew that took the stuff because she had killer migraines and she swore by it. She shot it in her leg.

I feel for you I really do. People can be total a-holes. YOU PROBABLY Do have BPD, but medical professionals don't like to be told any thing, they like to discover it on their own. Except when they can't figure out what went wrong on their computer and they call tech support like a lost child. Hang it there!

[Kl3b0rg]

Did she describe it as a 'puff of air' kind of shot? I have heard of something like that but I did not really understand what she meant by how she described it.

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by Kl3b0rg

Did she describe it as a 'puff of air' kind of shot? I have heard of something like that but I did not really understand what she meant by how she described it.

I will ask her more about it next time I talk to her!

[Kl3b0rg]

Thank you I appreciate it. I've been told everything from home remedies to botox for migraines. If you can't believe people in the medical field who can you believe lol.

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by Kl3b0rg

Thank you I appreciate it. I've been told everything from home remedies to botox for migraines. If you can't believe people in the medical field who can you believe lol.

Man I have yet to find a home remedy or herbal alternative that did what it was suppose too lol

You need some heavy duty pain killers thats all.

[Kl3b0rg]

Yeah..that's not going to happen ever in my lifetime. I've been experiencing this since the age of 9 and dear old dad never saw fit to take me to check me out. I started 'self medicating' and that turned into a nice full blown heroin addiction at 14. Got off at 17 migraines came back at full force and with the way I look on top of having ZERO medical records stating that I do indeed suffer from daily migraines, I just don't see how I'm getting help any time soon. Long time sufferers of migraines tell me the same thing. I've had a pain management doctor for ten years and they just now started giving my Percocet 5's. I have to take four of those to barely zombie my way through a 8 hour work shift. On top of it as well, because I have been an addict, I fear that whenever I do get to confront my migraines I fear that all they are going to see is "I want the highest pain killer please kthxbye". If I could afford it I would give botox a shot but I can't. It's just so easy to get pills off the streets but that is now affecting my day to day life. Ill get kicked out if I get another pill for myself and become homeless yet again. So I get to suffer every day on top of having people ask relentlessly "hows the job search going?". Sorry, I talk a lot..

[transientsoul]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

Man I have yet to find a home remedy or herbal alternative that did what it was suppose too lol

From what I know, the herbal supplement Feverfew treats migraines. Make sure you buy a reputable product and check the level of parthenium. Also for what it's worth, magnesium supplementation is something I always recommend to people. It can make a world of difference.

[Kl3b0rg]

Hmm I've never heard of Parthenium, I will give that a chance if I ever come across a few $. Thanks.