[allme]

Hi all

So I have my mother-in-law from Ireland coming tomorrow and staying for 3 days and I am dreading it. She is lovely and everything but I always act around her and it's exhausting! If she starts a conversation with me I get twitches in my eyes and mouth and know it's obvious I am some kind of nervous freak! I hardly see her and with such long gaps in seeing her, it feels as though I am meeting her for the first time every time.

Ok so here is the thing, and I am deeply shamed by what I did, but when his father came to stay with us the same thing happened...I kept an act up and it tired me so badly. Anyway, he made a comment about this paedophile trial, something along the lines of it happened ages ago so what's the fuss....I must point out he says I took it out of context but anyway, in the middle of the night I went crazy, dragged my husband out of bed and demanded he question his dad and so he got his dad up while I was screaming and shouting in the living room telling him he should leave. It was a disaster and was only 3 or 4 months ago. What is something similar happens and I take something else out of context? Or how will I keep up a goody two shoes act for 3 days with her under my roof. It will burn me out for sure.

Don't know how I am going to cope Or what will come out of my stupid mouth! This is why I should stay away from ppl, nothing good comes out of mixing with ppl for me.

I mean it when I say, I am just not good enough for anyone really. I severely lack in so many ways. When I think about myself, all I see is bad. And I know others can see it too. I just want to be left alone but I don't at the same time, I don't want to be lonely. It's all so confusing.

Maybe if you let your guard down a bit and be a bit more you, you won't suddenly explode with emotion? I know when I keep everything inside and keep masking how I am it catches up with me to the point where I can't contain it anymore, and normally it will be something stupid that will set me off and then I can't stop. Does you mother-in-law know anything about your MI?

Keep posting here and we will offer you as much support as you need for the next few days you'll be ok

And try not to worry about a similar thing happening to when your father-in-law came. The more you overthink it the more likely it will happen. Like a self fulfilling prophecy. Just keep telling yourself you'll be ok, you can do this.

Thats what I'm thinking anyway

[allme]

Thanks

Trouble is I can't be...she will see what a freak I am! I mean, I am either dead quiet, confrontational and angry or over the top kooky! I can't relax, I don't know how to relax. I will constantly be thinking she is thinking awful things about me then will hate her for it. Yeah she knows about my situation. She already guessed there was something wrong so my hubby just confirmed what she already knew.

Just want to feel good enough! I also have all these things I have planned to do! I have just arranged another event and don't know how I am going to cope with it all. I keep saying yes to ppl cause I have said no for so long I fear losing the few friendships I have. So now, I have loads to do with no inclination how I am going to do it all.

Feel so anxious now, wish she was never coming and wish I had never said yes to all these things I am expected to do!

[medicalfox]

I know that feeling all too well. I don't handle family situations well and generally I just listen more than talk since I don't want to cause an outburst. Maybe try and do a relaxing activity you enjoy? I like to do yoga and it really helps. Maybe even reading while she's there can help. I generally avoid people so I don't have too much advice for you. I hope the situation gets better for you

[UnderTheRose]

Your husband sees something wonderful in you, and you have to trust in that. You have good qualities, its just that they dont stand out to you as much as the bad does.
When you hand brushes your hair each day, carries food to your mouth and does other things... we never realize it or appreciate it.. but the day that hand is suddenly in pain - WOW do we ever notice that hand then!
Pay attention to your body.
When you start feeling that tight wired up feeling (back of your head? chest? wherever you feel it) take that as your body's way of saying "okay hon, time to take a break" and self sooth in a tub, or on a walk, or in a room reading. Say that you've been fighting a headache or whatever you need. Just put yourself into a safe space.
(hugs)

[unaluna]

Now that I'm "retired", if I have to talk to people, I just say I do nothing, but what about YOU? Tell me about YOU! And smile. Because a lot of times I've noticed that they just want to see if I've "gotten over" my talking too much - by bugging me to talk! Makes me kinda mad. They don't deserve to hear me. I'm interesting, but not to their petty little minds. Know your audience. You DO have people who love you, remember that.

[allme]

Thanks guys

Your words make sense but I can't rid myself of this anxiety about it. Maybe I should go to the doctors and ask for something to calm my nerves so I can try and enjoy her visit. Actually, if I can just get by without a feeling like a piece of s*** I'll be happy.

Hugs to you all