[ambivalent amy]

Hello everyone. This might be a dumb question...I am wondering of others with BPD have the same experiences with lying? I cannot lie. (not that its a bad thing but sometimes it sure is inconvenient when a little white llie would be useful for something dumb so people wouldnt be hurt by it, example: how does my haircut look? Does this outfit make me look like I am a tramp, or fat. )

I have never been able to lie and when I have tried in the past I was absolutely horrible at it, so lying never worked because the person always knew. This is especially true when I am being asked questions and especially if it is a direct question.

I heard about people with BPD not being able to lie when I had a meeting about mental illness at my place of employment . BPD and DBT therapy was mostly the main topic. The speaker stated, "an interesting fact is that most people with BPD cant lie and especially if it is a direct question." I do not know where the speaker got the information, but I found it interesting because I can't lie.

The stupid part about it because of the instability with my emotions, moods, and with life, people have accused me of lying when I was not. (I am sure that you have heard that saying that people with BPD will lie and do things just to get attention and whatnot.) I get frustrated, angry, and defensive when that happens, and this does not help the situation. People tend to say if your not lying why are you so defensive. I can tell them until I am blue in the face that I am not lying and it doesn't matter. I have also had to prove that I wasn't lying.

I am wondering if others have had some experience with this and how do you cope and deal with it? I would like to hear some of your stories about it, if anyone has any.

Thanks much!
Ambivalent Amy

[dumburn]

It depends,
I can't lie to make someone else feel good for example i cant say that someones hair or outfit looks good when it doesn't because either i will speak the truth before i can think about it or if i try to think about it my true feelings are written all over my face.

As a matter of principle I never lie in an attempt to achieve something over someone else, so a case of will not rather than can not

the closest to lying i get are half truths and lies of omission, but that's only when the topic of conversation is ME and the whole truth is too hard to say out loud.
So not really lying, just not ready for the truth

I've just noticed what I have as my status,says it all really and it's certainly what i'm going to try to do!!

Some BPD's lie, but they don't always know they are doing it. It just comes out as a defence mechanism I guess. Sometimes you'll do or say anything to keep someone with you. If a borderline needs her partner badly she will say anything to keep him by her side. Usually though, the partner of a BPD is just as needy on them as they are and vice versa. A bad combo, very toxic but that's the reality.

[Altinak]

I tend to lie out of fear, IE not revealing the truth of situations nor can I reveal the truth to certain people of the extent of a situation IE ending up in hospital.

Other than that, I am actually TOO honest, I have no boundry control so I tend to say things I probably shouldn't to the most random of people. So I guess it's a bit of both.

[MoxieDoxie]

It has taken me years to be able to grit my teeth and tell someone they look good in that outfit when they do not. I am 46 and through out my life people have called me a *****, or ice queen because I give them my direct opinion and remember it is your opinion when telling some one their hair cut sucks. It is learning to start thinking about the impact on the other persons feelings your statement makes. That never dawned on me because I have never been able to feel empathy, sympathy or pity except for animals. Now I just fake it for social convention.

[Mustkeepjob32]

I've noticed that I lie about the stupidest things. I lie about all things to all people. Some to cover by butt, and other times just because I have a habit of lying. I guess the biggest lie I commit EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE is that when people ask me how I'm doing, I tell them "fine."

[Morgansangel]

I can't lie. It makes me physically ill if I try to lie.

I only skipped class once my whole time in school & ended up having to own up & take detention because I was having panic attacks and vomiting because of it.

I don't class 'do I look ok' 'how are you' 'do you like xyz' in the same bracket mind. If the primary purpose is to make someone else happy and noone is harmed by it then its not the same thing to me. I don't class that as a lie.

I'm not sure what I *do* class it as, but not a lie.

[allme]

I am as honest as I can be and actually sometimes too honest! Even if it means I get into trouble, I am honest. I tell the odd white lie so I don't hurt people's feelings (unless it's something important) but all in all I am happy to say I could lie if I wanted to, but it wouldn't sit right with me.

[Beyond The Pale]

I have tried to lie in the past, and I think I'm pretty good at it, but my wife tells me she can always tell. And I can totally relate to the big lie of "I'm fine". For some reason this is the only lie that really worked with my wife.