[Espresso]

It seems that as long as I have no contact with people, my days are just fine. But I step out the door and suddenly I'm mad at everyone... the idiot who's hogging a parking spot, stupid drivers, inconsiderate shoppers, annoying talkers. And even when my day is going well, I constantly think about suicide. I don't know what's wrong with me.

[Britneigh]

Still going down down down...

[Verity81]

It's 5am and I'm lying awake with sore throat and cold took ibruprofen. Really don't deal well with being ill. Now I feel pathetic on top of being ill! Time to practice self compassion I think!

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[Espresso]

I'm disgusted with myself.

[Tristan H.]

Originally Posted by Espresso

It seems that as long as I have no contact with people, my days are just fine. But I step out the door and suddenly I'm mad at everyone... the idiot who's hogging a parking spot, stupid drivers, inconsiderate shoppers, annoying talkers. And even when my day is going well, I constantly think about suicide. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Your capacity for pain at the hands of others is commensurate with the effort and sacrifice you put into them. Borderlines would probably make good hermits or just as good as any. It's when you have to juggle between your personal world and the public world that problems arise.
This is because we are usually hypersensitive in a number of ways.
As for you, the anger you're exhibiting is probably just frustration at yourself that you are expressing outwardly. As for suicide, remember that you need a goal that you care about, and it's often much easier to find one than you might think. So go talk to that person you can talk to when you're in trouble (and if you have no one you still have the help-lines) and they will remind you of all the things that are still worth living for, despite how disappointed or ashamed it makes you feel.

[trying2survive]

i feel just awful, i feel like my ex doesn't love me anymore, she is so distant now. i feel like i have lost her forever, at least she did talk to me this morning.
i've been trying for months to get her back. it doesn't seem like im making any progress

[Britneigh]

Feeling pretty good today. I holed up in my room for a day and watched My Mad Fat Diary for a while, finished both seasons....oops.

But today I'm feeling pretty good. Have some running around to do, and the farrier is coming to do the horses feet. But i'm actually feeling some what happy. I like it haha.

[Verity81]

Going to my second DBT group today. Am still a bit nervous so going to finish painting the bathroom to loud rock music before I go!

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[Verity81]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

i feel just awful, i feel like my ex doesn't love me anymore, she is so distant now. i feel like i have lost her forever, at least she did talk to me this morning.

i've been trying for months to get her back. it doesn't seem like im making any progress

Sorry to hear that do you think it might be time to try to move on? Maybe she is not the one for you? It's hard I know but it's been true for me that time heals

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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Sorry to hear that do you think it might be time to try to move on? Maybe she is not the one for you? It's hard I know but it's been true for me that time heals

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all may not be lost yet, i'm flying out to portland on the 18th to spend a week with her! also in her talks with me yesterday, she agreed to thinking about coming to ohio to visit with me for a month so we can see how it goes and see if our relationship can be saved, i'm hopeful but nothing is etched in stone on that one!! wish me luck

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

all may not be lost yet, i'm flying out to portland on the 18th to spend a week with her! also in her talks with me yesterday, she agreed to thinking about coming to ohio to visit with me for a month so we can see how it goes and see if our relationship can be saved, i'm hopeful but nothing is etched in stone on that one!! wish me luck

Good to hear hope all goes well for you. Good luck!

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[trying2survive]

starting the day with a hot cup of tea and a cigarette.(coffee is a bit much for me!)
so far so good, yesterday was a good day.i feel like i'm starting to put the pieces of my life back together, going to try to work on my coping skills today
and see if i can continue to improve, wish me luck everyone!

[trying2survive]

[QUOTE=Verity81;3661639]Good to hear hope all goes well for you. Good luck!

i hope so too, last summer i made a mess of things,my bpd was in full overdrive and i was out of control and didn't even know i had a problem,i'm extremely sensitive and the slightest thing that i perceived as mean or hurtful set me off.
she is an aries and bi polar, i am a libra and bpd, so it wasn't pretty. she's very blunt and direct and i had zero coping skills, it was a mess, but we love each other so, as bad as things were we are talking everyday now.this bpd thing can make us really mean when you go into devaluation mode & i definitely went into it!so i totally screwed things up and blew up yet another relationship, but i'm working on my coping skills and there is a good chance things will get better, real tough being alone though, still got almost another month to go!

[Blue_velvet09]

Feeling upset today. I haven't heard from my "best friend" for a couple of days and then on fb I see that she's been hanging out with other people and just ignoring me. I'm thinking about ending our ten year friendship because all I do is call or text her and I get nothing in return and I'm sick of it.
I have also been experiencing a lot of strangers muttering at me. It will be clear as day too but I can never make out what they are saying, but I know it's negative and about me. However, my boyfriend says he never hears this happening. Maybe it's all in my head :|

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[Withered-Rose79]

Today I feel so anxious and I'm SO ANGRY for no apparent reason. I want to just crawl out of my skin and hide from myself. I hate this!

[Maranara]

I have a lot of problems going on, some of which I believe are way beyond a BPD diagnosis. It's making it hard for me to talk; kinda closing up. I have a public MH appointment on Monday, the only kind I can afford right now. I'm trying to figure out what to say to them. Something in which they will take me seriously and be willing to help me and at the same time not lock me up....and I'm willing to consider meds for the first time.

[Espresso]

Ugh. Is everything always my fault? Am I completely overreacting to the situation? Today has been rough. I feel like I didn't do anything wrong and so this argument can't possibly be my fault. I can't even figure out a way that it could be my fault. But I'm the crazy one so it must be my fault.

[JadeAmethyst]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

starting the day with a hot cup of tea and a cigarette.(coffee is a bit much for me!)
so far so good, yesterday was a good day.i feel like i'm starting to put the pieces of my life back together, going to try to work on my coping skills today
and see if i can continue to improve, wish me luck everyone!

good luck

[JadeAmethyst]

Actually used my "busy" energy to put toward house clearing for Spring cleaning and sorting and taking "things" to Goodwill Donation Station. Took myself to lunch (treat) and some free movies from the library. Visited with Mom and had an enjoyable conversation with her.
Better days

[Faking sane]

Go some introspection over the last few days. I became aware of a bad habit. I have an annoying tendency to make everything about myself. For instance, when someone tells me a story about their life, instead of sling them questions about their experience, I share a similar experience of my own. Before I didn't realized was doing it, but even after realizing, I'm finding it difficult not to do (on Facebook, for instance, since that's pretty much my only social contact). Why do I do that? No wonder people don't like me!

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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Faking sane

Go some introspection over the last few days. I became aware of a bad habit. I have an annoying tendency to make everything about myself. For instance, when someone tells me a story about their life, instead of sling them questions about their experience, I share a similar experience of my own. Before I didn't realized was doing it, but even after realizing, I'm finding it difficult not to do (on Facebook, for instance, since that's pretty much my only social contact). Why do I do that? No wonder people don't like me!

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that's funny, i do the same thing, i caught myself on more than one occasion but i keep doing that,too!

[atomicc]

I'm cranky today, as hell. I just woke up on the wrong side on the bed and I'm trying, but miserably failing, not to take it out on every one around me.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I'm cranky today, as hell. I just woke up on the wrong side on the bed and I'm trying, but miserably failing, not to take it out on every one around me.

i hate those kind of days, it seems like one thing goes wrong after another
and everyone around you is doing everything in their power to piss you off!
hopefully it gets better for you!

[snarkydaddy]

I was doing great until I was on FB....

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[leomama]

Originally Posted by snarkydaddy

I was doing great until I was on FB....

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What was on Facebook?

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