[Beyond The Pale]

Hi everyone. It looks like a very active community you have here. I hate being the new guy because it makes me want to crawl away and hide! I was diagnosed 22 years ago after a suicide attempt. I continued with self destructive behavior for several years after, but finally met someone and settled down. After 20 years of marriage I am once again dealing with the demons from the past. After years of copeing and suffering in silence, the death of my father has me reeling. My mother committed suicide when I was 9 and my father basically abandoned me afterwards. So there are a few things I need to deal with, especially after finding and reading my mother's suicide note. I just recently started seeing a therapist and finally told my wife last night that I have BPD and what the characteristics are. This came after a massive fight where she told me she "walks on eggshells around me". So I'm in for a lot of changes in the next year or so as I try to really deal with my issues instead of hiding behind masks.

Thanks!

Originally Posted by Beyond The Pale

Hi everyone. It looks like a very active community you have here. I hate being the new guy because it makes me want to crawl away and hide! I was diagnosed 22 years ago after a suicide attempt. I continued with self destructive behavior for several years after, but finally met someone and settled down. After 20 years of marriage I am once again dealing with the demons from the past. After years of copeing and suffering in silence, the death of my father has me reeling. My mother committed suicide when I was 9 and my father basically abandoned me afterwards. So there are a few things I need to deal with, especially after finding and reading my mother's suicide note. I just recently started seeing a therapist and finally told my wife last night that I have BPD and what the characteristics are. This came after a massive fight where she told me she "walks on eggshells around me". So I'm in for a lot of changes in the next year or so as I try to really deal with my issues instead of hiding behind masks.

Thanks!

Welcome to PC. Hope you find help and support here like many of us do. it is indeed very active and there are quite a few people here including me that can relate to much of what you deal with as a person with bpd

Change is good but at times as you already probably know, is painful and challenging. We all go through it but in the midst of the change/challenges it's always hard to see that the result will be worth it. Keep that in mind in the next year and beyond and keep your eyes on the goal.

I've been through a lot in the past 18 months and in no way am I all better but I do know now that I've grown a lot and learned much. I'm more mature now and even though I still deal with the symptoms and traits of the disorder, I cope a lot better than I did and usually know what to expect when an "episode" (for lack of a better term) is coming.

Good luck, stick around and I think you'll find a lot of help here!

S4

[allme]

[Luvmydog]

Welcome to PC (PsychCentral), and specifically to the BPD forum. I know just what you are talking about. I was Dx'd in the late 90's and went through pretty intensive therapy for over a year. Did really well for a long time, but within a two month time period last year, I lost both my father and my job. I have come here for support too, and have found so many caring, kind, and thoughtful people. Thank you for your post and, once again, welcome to PC.

[gayleggg]

Welcome to PC. I'm sure you can find the support here that you need. I'm glad you're starting therapy. It will help get past grieving you lost childhood. There have to be a lot of confusing thoughts going on in your mind right now. Hopefully, you wife will be supportive and notice the little things that start show you are getting better. Best wishes to you.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Welcome,

Wow you've had horrible things happen to you in your life and I'm so sorry. At least you know you have BPD and definitely it is good for your wife to know. Hopefully she'll read up on it too for you. This group is very supportive.

[duende]

Welcome!
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot. You're doing a good thing in seeking community. I'm actually new here myself - just joined a couple of days ago. I'm finding this to be a very supportive and accepting bunch.
-Duende

Welcome to PC. No need to hide.