daydreaming bad stuff

I always feel like I'm suffocating, like can't breathe in enough. I have no one to talk to about bpd and me. So, thinking about getting back into therapy...though I have a psych. but it's not the same. If i told my psych I daydream about driving my car off the McClellan-Kerr bridge she might put me away...prob should tell her anyway? Not sure how honest I should be as I'm crossing that fine line between disassociation and completely nuts. Anyone else daydream bad things? Thanks. needed to talk.

Your therapist is there to help, not judge. I think you should tell her about it. Just as long as she knows you're not ACTUALLY going to do it. (well, I hope you're not anyway)
And no, you're not alone, I'm sure there are more people that daydream bad things (eg: me.)
-hugs-

I often have similar daydreams yes, even when I'm feeling 'ok' I still daydream various bad things. You're not alone. But yeah you should probably tell your psych, they are there to help not judge

Awe I feel that way to sometimes, like I can't get enough air into my lungs, usually when my anxiety is not under control I have to keep telling myself to remember to breathe. I think therapy is a good idea, I agree psychiatrist is not the same, sadly not a lot of people realize that. I don't think just taking medication is going to solve anybody's mental problems. I believe taking a holistic approach to healing to be the best route, taking into account aspects of the circumstances, psychological as well as biological aspects that are effecting you. She wouldn't put you away for day dreams, I would tell her, it could be something going on with your medication that needs to be adjusted. I tell mine about homicidal as well as suicidal fantasies and they can't do anything about it except talk to you about it, unless they become actual plans and intentions.

I day dream about doing the most brutal things to random people in the streets who look at me funny. Sometimes I think about doing it to people I know to, or myself as well, but usually its about people I don't know or people who make me angry (including myself). I know what you mean about being less than honest with the mental health system, I struggle telling the whole truth to them as well out of fear I'll be labelled dangerous or psychotic. I have a lot of trust issues, and growing up I was frequently punished for being honest about my feelings. My feelings were "inappropriate, unacceptable and wrong" so I struggled disclosing my actual feelings with MH professionals for the longest time. It takes me time to be able to open up about this kind of thing.

I also have intrusive thoughts and can sometimes be quite dark. I would defo speak to psych about it

I have terrible daydreams too... sometimes I will even see the picture very clearly in my head (does that make sense?) I have always been a somewhat 'dark' person, but sometimes the things my mind comes up with are quite scary! I have told my therapist and my psych about these things and have not been thrown away for it. Just be sure to clarify that you are not seriously thinking about doing said things, just that they pop up in your mind a lot.

And hey, you you can always PM me if you want/need to talk. I'd love to talk to you more.

I have daydreams about dark things as well, but I don't think that I would ever carry them out. For me they are a way to self soothe when things get tough. I have told my T about some of them, but not all of them. Maybe someday I will tell her more. I guess the question is...are you just daydreaming, or are you making a plan?

Maybe that's what it is...I get so fed up when things get bad. It's kind of a distraction..though not a good one. I think I've been thinking about when I used to drive over the bridge on the way to work and imagine the car going over. Does that make sense?

It's not a plan anymore...I'm not supposed to be driving anyway because I'm so reckless. It's just so difficult with bpd that I can't imagine living like this for the next 40 years or so. My situation is even harder because I can't walk anymore and can barely stand.

Life is my own personal hell.

Kate

I guess with regard to telling your therapist, it depends how real you feel the fantasies are. If you feel these thoughts could be something, I would definitely mention it. It sounds like you acknowledge they are negative/bad thoughts and you want them to stop in a constructive way.

I read this Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop | World of Psychology recently which led me on to trying mindfulness. Ive really not tried to address any of my bpd issues in the past but Im so sick of my life that I thought Id give it a pop. I know a lot of people say they get something from it.

If I could get on top of one facet of bpd it would be obsessive thinking. It consumes me sometimes but Im trying to think of it as a bad habit and that I need to break the cycle.

Take care.

I know how you feel. Things can get better, but you have to be honest with your T and you have to be willing to work hard. Harder than you have ever worked on anything in your life. I have been borderline for decades!!! Good therapy and honesty have been key to my being able to to continue on.

/that's one of the things I hate the most...the obsessive thinking. sometimes I can't even sleep it's so bad. I think of my mistakes which lead me to guilt and humiliation and regret. I'll check out the book. Thanks.

I can totally relate to what you talked about with the intrusive thoughts and daydreams. As you can see, you're not alone. You know, I just recently brought this very thing up to my T and it's helped. I was worried that I would risk getting hospitalized for mentioning these thoughts. Once she knew that I had no intention of acting on them, and that they were simply ruminating thoughts, she reassured me that I wasn't. I think bringing it up is a good idea. Just my thoughts on that. I wish I had more advice on that, but just know that you're not alone here.
-duende

Hi. I have BPD too.

When I was younger I had trouble breathing/ felt like suffocating and panic attacks too, Do you smoke cigarettes? That can make it much worst I believe.

I also used to have extreme suicidal and homicidal type fantasies. So yes I relate to what you are saying, but I don't feel that way any more.