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Old Oct 28, 2013, 03:53 PM
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Angel of Bedlam Angel of Bedlam is offline
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Ever have a day where you wake up and for absolutely no reason, you just hate yourself? You haven't fought with a significant other, had a friend blow you off or had anything happen to make you feel that way, but you just do?

That is today. I feel so unfulfilled and empty. I feel like I have nothing and am worthless. My boyfriend tried to be there for me, and I just pushed him away. I don't want to be touched or looked at and feel like I could just fade into the wall and become invisible forever.

I know moods are transient and this will pass... but it is not making the now feel any better

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Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?


Diagnosed:
BPD

PTSD
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  #2  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 03:58 PM
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atomicc atomicc is offline
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Yes I have days like this. No matter if things go great, I'm still worthless. nothing anyone says makes me feel better. I Just go to sleep and hope tomorrow is different. I hope it is for you! sending my love
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Allie
Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder.

I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress.


I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
  #3  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 04:02 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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I do have days like those and today is one of them. . Hope this passes soon for you Hugs to you
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  #4  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 04:12 PM
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Gingersnapsmom Gingersnapsmom is offline
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Yes, I have those days all the time. Hope it gets better soon
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Patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery~Lawana Blackwell
  #5  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 04:23 PM
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Angel of Bedlam Angel of Bedlam is offline
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Thanks atomicc and fuzzybear... I'm trying to just push ahead and do my like daily routine but it's not going the best... I mean I cleaned and got my son off to daycare and am at work right now, but I feel disgusting (appearance is such a huge thing for me and I've recently put on like 15 pounds). I just caught a glance of myself getting out of the shower this morning and I could not believe how gross I looked. I wanted to lunge at the mirror and destroy it, instead I just immediately covered up my body and did my best to look presentable. Maybe that's what set the rest of the day off... who knows.

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Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?


Diagnosed:
BPD

PTSD
  #6  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 04:27 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((( Hugs )))))) I know how you feel about looking in the mirror(?) (except I feel I'm too thin and look ugly mostly because of that)
I've lost so much weight in the past year that I look scrawny and disgusting to self...I'm just not a proper bear these days. I felt safer somehow when I was "big"
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  #7  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 05:08 PM
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Angel of Bedlam Angel of Bedlam is offline
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Well I have lost a bunch of weight and lately have put over half back on. I feel so disgusting and like a failure all at once. And I just feel so un-accomplished and just- I just feel like today is such a ****** day. I wonder how long it'll take to snap out of it.

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Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?


Diagnosed:
BPD

PTSD
  #8  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 05:45 PM
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hawaii04 hawaii04 is offline
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I know for me, I wake up very often with a downright UGLY feeling inside about me in general and it seems for no reason . . . . I can dress nice, put on my make up, look at me and go eh, why try? It is at those times also when I am bitter with what seems like the whole world n everything in it. And yes, it passes, just never soon enough. But it will come
  #9  
Old Oct 28, 2013, 05:51 PM
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Angel of Bedlam Angel of Bedlam is offline
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Location: Lincoln, NE
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It used to be a lot worse, that's for sure. DBT, CBT, and meds have helped... I just hate feeling so blind-sided by it.

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Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?


Diagnosed:
BPD

PTSD
Thanks for this!
hawaii04
  #10  
Old Oct 29, 2013, 09:28 AM
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Morgansangel Morgansangel is offline
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That is every day for me, in that I hate myself every day.
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Dx: BPD, OCD, Anxiety, Depression, AvPD, DePD, OCPD.
Meds: Sertraline 200mg, quetiapine 200mg, diazepam 4-8mg, codeine 60mg, statins(high cholesterol triggered by venlafaxine), vit C&D, B12, Iron, domperidone 30mg, omeprazole, mebeverine, gabapentin 400mg, naproxen 1000mg
Sanity score: 233
One of my favourite quotes:
'sometimes life breaks in mysterious ways'
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atomicc
Thanks for this!
atomicc
  #11  
Old Oct 29, 2013, 09:31 AM
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atomicc atomicc is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morgansangel View Post
That is every day for me, in that I hate myself every day.
Me too.
__________________
Allie
Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder.

I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress.


I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
Hugs from:
Morgansangel
  #12  
Old Oct 29, 2013, 10:39 AM
Angel of Bedlam's Avatar
Angel of Bedlam Angel of Bedlam is offline
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Location: Lincoln, NE
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morgansangel View Post
That is every day for me, in that I hate myself every day.
I always feel it, but am usually able to get myself out of it thanks to DBT. But lately that's been much harder to do. Today had been a little better because it's been easier to accomplish things which makes me feel good. I still feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. I hate that the most, because it feeds on itself and just gets worse. I hate not having the words to describe my feelings. I dissociate so often that identifying my emotions at times is so hard.

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Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?


Diagnosed:
BPD

PTSD
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