[atomicc]

I have recently been forced to think about numerous sexual traumas due to a trigger. I was raped at 19 years old by three men. I am having difficult time not blaming myself. I am having a difficult time not seeing the images in my head. I am lonely and scared. I'm drinking tonight, I know..a bad idea. I just want to hit my head on a wall. The urge to hurt myself is intense tonight. I just need some comfort...some one to talk to.
I need help..
I want to scream and cry and break things and fall asleep all at once. I have no one to talk to about this. I'm too scared to tell anyone about this besides one friend, I'm scared I will be judged. I'm scared I will be blamed.

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I have recently been forced to think about numerous sexual traumas due to a trigger. I was raped at 19 years old by three men. I am having difficult time not blaming myself. I am having a difficult time not seeing the images in my head. I am lonely and scared. I'm drinking tonight, I know..a bad idea. I just want to hit my head on a wall. The urge to hurt myself is intense tonight. I just need some comfort...some one to talk to.
I need help..

I can feel for you atomic.... have been there myself... it's hard not to feel guilt and shame...but its part of the healing too....you are cared for by people here.. chat with me any time!!!!! don't hit your head and don't drink too much...I care hun!!!!

[technigal]

I still blame myself for being date-raped. That was 13 years ago and I was 30 years old. I blame myself for not fighting harder, for not saying no after the first time. It is hard but you need to forgive yourself. It was not your fault and never was your fault. We live in a culture where we blame rape victims, "if they weren't dressed that way, if they weren't drinking, if if if..." It is never a victim's fault.

[sheiba]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I have recently been forced to think about numerous sexual traumas due to a trigger. I was raped at 19 years old by three men. I am having difficult time not blaming myself. I am having a difficult time not seeing the images in my head. I am lonely and scared. I'm drinking tonight, I know..a bad idea. I just want to hit my head on a wall. The urge to hurt myself is intense tonight. I just need some comfort...some one to talk to.
I need help..
I want to scream and cry and break things and fall asleep all at once. I have no one to talk to about this. I'm too scared to tell anyone about this besides one friend, I'm scared I will be judged. I'm scared I will be blamed.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain tonight atomicc..... wish I knew what to say to help you.. please dont hurt yourself...you are not alone

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by technigal

I still blame myself for being date-raped. That was 13 years ago and I was 30 years old. I blame myself for not fighting harder, for not saying no after the first time. It is hard but you need to forgive yourself. It was not your fault and never was your fault. We live in a culture where we blame rape victims, "if they weren't dressed that way, if they weren't drinking, if if if..." It is never a victim's fault.

Yes, I know what you mean. It really is unfortunate that our culture always plays blame the victim. I'm sorry you were hurt, but I feel the same way. I blame myself because I didn't run, I didn't speak up, but in the situation...it's completely different.
Thank you all for your kind words..I am blessed to have this forum and all my friends here.

[Truth in Ruin]

I'm sorry you feel this way Atomicc. If you can, you should talk to that friend, or possibly your boyfriend. If they can't be reached, you should stay close to this board. I hope you feel better soon!

[Onward2wards]

((((( Atomicc and Thread ))))) ... I wish I had something profound and helpful to say. I feel angry on your behalf.

[Angel of Bedlam]

No! Keep faith and remember, the memory of what hurt you cannot hurt you as badly as the incident itself. You made it through that and can make it through this too.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

[henrydavidtherobot]

I've been raped 3 times. The victim blaming has been so intense that I've had others tell me that I deserved it and that it will happen again. The pain from this last experience was so debilitating that I was struck with fear when he was around and had a series of mental breakdowns overseas when I should I have enjoying myself. My rapes have led me doen roads with alcohol abuse and self injury. i hope that you dont give in to those urges. It isn't fun stuff to feel or talk about. If you'd like some support, you're welcome to send me a message. I hope that you find a little peace on your road to recovery <3

You know I'm here for you. You have contact info for me, do not hesitate to use it if you need support, no matter what time it is.