[learningtolive2013]

I have just recently felt like I've gotten over my ex and i feel like a fish out of water trying to learn to breath.. The water is "emotional attachment to someone", the sand is unfamiliar territory and it makes me want to jump back in the water "an emotional attachment" just to breath again.

I feel so uncomfortable right now. A relationship gives me an identity, attaching myself to someone gives me life and right now I am very uncomfortable with no attachment.

I want to stop myself from pursuing anything because I know it would be therapeutic.. I hope that I can learn to walk on the sand without jumping back in for awhile. I need to.

[cboxpalace]

Anyone here NOT emotionally attached?

Yeah, for the most part, I'm very detached.

[rabbit1234]

Yes, I feel that way a lot. It is hard

After my best friend passed away and my marriage ended in 2011, I felt the way you do right now. I was overwhelmingly lonely and lost. It lead me to engage in substance abuse, and I was taken advantage of quite a lot from September of 2011 well until 2012 by people I wanted to care about me.
Right now I'm in a shut down of sorts. I have no interest in interacting with my partner or very few others for that matter. I feel numb and cold and don't have the energy for people most of the time including my own children (though I always fake it for the kids). Now that I'm sober and I realize just how bad I was being burned by people who called themselves my friends, I don't wanna be hurt anymore or base my identity off others any longer. I'd rather not have an identity if that makes sense.
Don't jump into anything, and don't let the feelings you're experiencing lead you down an unhealthy path cuz you don't wanna learn some lessons the hard way like I did.
If you have a therapist, maybe you can consider talking this over with him/her and making a plan to help you get through this.

[atomicc]

Yes, I know just what you mean and I wish I could give you better advice. I have been told numerous times after a break up not to go and attach myself to someone else but I never listened. I am terrified of being alone. It has gotten me, like throughbeingcool, to get myself in many situations where I was taken advantage of because I wanted people to care about me. They never did.
I think you are smart in realizing you should stay out of the water for a while. I would suggest getting a good support group together. Maybe some friends who can do things with you (not going out and looking for guys) and keep you distracted. Maybe also look into a hobby you've always thought about doing?
Best of luck

there is no good answer or way of dealing with heartache (IMO).

After one breakup (ya - she dumped me) I went four years without a single date. Just crushed.... I do not advice that way. I guess I would give the old "gotta get back up on that horse" motto.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by learningtolive2013

I have just recently felt like I've gotten over my ex and i feel like a fish out of water trying to learn to breath.. The water is "emotional attachment to someone", the sand is unfamiliar territory and it makes me want to jump back in the water "an emotional attachment" just to breath again.

I feel so uncomfortable right now. A relationship gives me an identity, attaching myself to someone gives me life and right now I am very uncomfortable with no attachment.

I want to stop myself from pursuing anything because I know it would be therapeutic.. I hope that I can learn to walk on the sand without jumping back in for awhile. I need to.

This is important to do! When my son's dad and I did this for good, I went through a bad phase where I needed that attachment but was so afraid to ask for it that I ended up becoming very promiscuous and drinking a lot just because I thought that I needed to feel attached somehow. I think taking some space from a relationship is important, just try and make sure that you have your support system of friends and family around you so that you can rely on them during that time.

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Originally Posted by learningtolive2013

I have just recently felt like I've gotten over my ex and i feel like a fish out of water trying to learn to breath.. The water is "emotional attachment to someone", the sand is unfamiliar territory and it makes me want to jump back in the water "an emotional attachment" just to breath again.

I feel so uncomfortable right now. A relationship gives me an identity, attaching myself to someone gives me life and right now I am very uncomfortable with no attachment.

I want to stop myself from pursuing anything because I know it would be therapeutic.. I hope that I can learn to walk on the sand without jumping back in for awhile. I need to.

I can say from experience, if you are able to stay out of any situation that would cause you to become emotionally attached again, that it will get better, and you'll grow a lot. I say from experience as my last marriage of 13+ years was broken about 19~20 months ago. I have had some situations with online people that I got attached to for a time but have since removed myself from those situations and in RL I've been successful at going it alone.

It gts a lot better, and you find yourself, your independence and will even possibly enjoy the singlehood you find yourself in. Granted, I still do desire a mate, a companion and all that but it's not overly a need for me anymore and that's a good thing. When we feel we "need" someone to be happy, fulfilled, etc.. we become blinded by that and it only leads to unhealthy relationships. Right now I'm closer to being healthy than ever before and I attribute it to the long time I've been single, just me and my boys (I'm a single father). I know when the time comes, I'm better off now seeing the other person more objectively than ever before, although I'm still not rushing or looking.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

I haven't been in a relationship in ages, and I'm not bothered by it one bit. Of course, being 58 years old may have something to do with it. I tried dating a guy about 2 years ago and it was a disaster. He wanted to move waaaay to fast. Also, he showed signs of what I was afraid would become abuse later on. At the very least, he just wasn't very respectful. So I kicked him to the curb after less than a month. No angst about it at all. I'm not against a relationship, but at this point in my life I don't have time for any crap. Again, it may have something to do with age. The urges for a physical relationship certainly aren't what they used to be. I can very much take it or leave it.

I am emotionally attached (in a relationship) but BECOMING not-attached.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some time out from this. Perhaps a more laid back approach would work best, don't see it as like embarking on a total life style change but just a hard earned opportunity to take some time for you.

What doesn't get talked about a lot are all the good things about being single. Nothing i suppose can replace being with someone but you're certainly given a lot more freedom to do not only what you need to but what you want to do. If you try and let go just a little bit you might find yourself rather enjoying your new found independence. Even if that's a stretch, space in these sorts of situations are often a good thing - there are no distractions, no other pressing concerns it's all about you for once. Surely things can only get better?

[red_door]

Yeah totally unattached :/

I was feeling fairly sane after breaking up my LT relationship with ex-so but then i ended up in a RS with an ex.. Horrid idea, he was horrible to me, feels like i'm as messed up as I was before

Anyway, I feel compelled to get into a RS with someone else but I'd feel bad for the person who'd end up with me so I'll try and do the single life

[learningtolive2013]

Thank you all so much for the suggestions and support.. My husband and I have been separated for 2 years so I've physically been on my own all this time. It's the emotional attachment that I held onto that i'm finally letting go of and it has been so hard for me. I plan to talk to me T about it on Friday but in the mean time I think i'll decide on a new hobby and try and meet some friends :-)

Originally Posted by red_door

Yeah totally unattached :/

I was feeling fairly sane after breaking up my LT relationship with ex-so but then i ended up in a RS with an ex.. Horrid idea, he was horrible to me, feels like i'm as messed up as I was before

Anyway, I feel compelled to get into a RS with someone else but I'd feel bad for the person who'd end up with me so I'll try and do the single life

What is RS? Just curious.

[red_door]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

What is RS? Just curious.

Relationship

Sorry I spend too much time on reddit