Idealization and Devaluation

I used to idealize and then devalue a lot growing up. In my junior year of high school I was required to see a school psychologist because of a traumatic insadentI had suffered the year before, and he helped me to see how black and white my thinking/behavior was. He never used the lable BPD, or any lable for that matter. He was able to help me to identify and for the most part concor this issue even without the experience of dealing with BPD or DBT. I continued to see him after graduating high school at his outside practice until I was 20 and began DBT.
You'd think having worked through this issue my interpersonal relationships would be considerably less complicated right? No such luck. Instead I am very wary of the idealize and devalue cycle, but then when I do finally get to know someone well enough to get close to them there's pretty much nothing they can do to make me no longer care about them. Even if the person never cared about me in the first place (which has happened a few times). Sometimes I just wanna "Uncare" about certain people forever and find myself frustrated that I can't. Even if I have the other person convinced other wise, I can't ever convince myself.
With that undying loyalty to those I do end up caring about thing in mind, I find myself reluctant to get close to anyone. Being taken advantage of, devalued, and everything else under the sun really hurts you know? It feels like many of the people in my past and present hold me to a much higher standard than they hold themselves. I'm expected to forgive, forget, and always be there but I am not given the same consideration.
I know my DBT T said complete recovery and normal interpersonal relationships is possible, but sometimes I wonder cuz it seems like when I concor something another issue pops up.
-End Vent-
Sorry twas so long. Good day.

I absolutely agree with your last sentence. I often wonder if recovery IS actually totally possible, this is my personality after all. It's good to hear that you worked through this though! I am also exactly the same as you. I go back and back to hurtful people because I find it so hard to leave. I just forgive over and over.
I also still value and devalue people A LOT. I tried explaining to my boyfriend the other day that while I do absolutely love him..some days I do honestly hate him and wish he was dead...and for no reason too. It's tough :/ I hope you can overcome this!

I wonder this as well. There is also times when I think I have dealt with something and then something triggers it in a different way.

Knowledge is power. At least to a certain degree you understand why you do the things you do. There are many people out there that have BPD and don't know that they do. They don't know what, or why they do the things they do; and go through their lives blindly.

BPD is NOT who you are. I've had a close relationship with 2 people that have BPD, and they couldn't be any different!!!

I don't know if anything I'm saying helps or matters, but at least you can recognize the monkey on your back.

I wish you lots of luck!

Thank you, what you said is extremely helpful. It made me think. I've had a few friends (mostly online) who had BPD that I felt were pretty good friends. They were all different like you said.
I don't want the BPD to be who I am, to define the rest of my life. I wanna over come it and move on not only for my sake, but for the sake of my kids.
I know I was relatively lucky to be diagnosed at 20, wish I hadn't spent almost a year after that screwing up my life and wasting time. but I've known people who were diagnosed later in life, and I'm glad I wasn't. Hopefully it's not too late for me.

Thank you for the support everyone. I'm just coming to terms with that I can't please everyone. My family is always going to be the invalidating sort, and not all friendships can be maintained I guess. I'm not always going to be able to meet everyone's standards and it seems like a lot of the time when I do it's a day late a dollar short but oh well.