[SaraSkyblue]

I don't want this to get all screwed up with my bf anymore than it has....does anyone have any advice? I can't always control myself...I need help for more than just me and my bf. I need it for everyone in my life. It depresses me SO deeply that me and everyone else on this planet earth are on different pages, well honestly it's everyone with BPD, or any other disorder, on a different page than the rest of the world. I'm tired of losing people! What do I do? Honestly my brain is so clogged today I don't even know what I'm writing...what helps you guys communicate with people better?

[Truth in Ruin]

.......DBT

[technigal]

DBT Self Help

[SaraSkyblue]

I mean other than DBT >_< Things I can do on my own. I can't go in to see a T.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by SaraSkyblue

I mean other than DBT >_< Things I can do on my own. I can't go in to see a T.

You can do DBT on your own, I will be starting it in a few weeks but I have been doing stuff on my own for a couple of months now.

[Truth in Ruin]

There's a few DBT Workbooks that you can purchase. They do make a difference. I'd start there.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by technigal

DBT Self Help

This is a website of a bunch of things you can do on your own too.

Originally Posted by SaraSkyblue

I don't want this to get all screwed up with my bf anymore than it has....does anyone have any advice? I can't always control myself...I need help for more than just me and my bf. I need it for everyone in my life. It depresses me SO deeply that me and everyone else on this planet earth are on different pages, well honestly it's everyone with BPD, or any other disorder, on a different page than the rest of the world. I'm tired of losing people! What do I do? Honestly my brain is so clogged today I don't even know what I'm writing...what helps you guys communicate with people better?

DBT, I have no knowledge of other than conceptually but I defer to the others on that. I know many claim that it is very helpful. I know there are ways to do this on your own too, although it will take a lot of self-discipline and for many of us this isn't a strength of ours but still worth a try!

As for communicating with others, it's hard to say without really knowing exactly what your reservations are and difficulties. Different people have a hard time communicating for different reasons. I could go on about communicating with other people and although I'm no expert, I have learned much about it over the years and am better than I was as a younger person

So with that disclaimer out of the way..

The number one thing that I would say helps is listening. Everyone and their brother has needs and wants to communicate them to others. Which is fine but if we are too busy looking to tell people our stories, the fact is other people won't have the same chance to voice their needs to us. Listening is something I think every person, to some extent, has a problem with. It's something that we all have to work on more and is an on-going challenge. When you listen to another person, with intent to understand and empathize with them (yes you have to work at that too) you will build a bond with them, you will make them draw nearer to you and they will be more apt to ask you "so what's going on with you?" and listen to you also. This is, IMO #1 struggle in communication with others. If we all put forth more effort to listen and hear others, we'd all get along and understand each other more.

Don't expect others right off the bat to understand you. Assume that they won't, and know that their understanding and position in life is a hindrance to their knowing what you're communicating. I tend to go out of my way to make sure the other person is always on the same page. Asking questions like, "does what I've said, make sense?" etc. I tend to over explain things and I make no apologies for it most times. Thing is, the more clear you are in your communication the better people will be able to grasp your words. It doesn't have to be something technical we are speaking of either. You could be describing how upset you were about "such and such" situation.. explaining to them more explicitly why you're upset, will help them to understand and empathize with you more.

Don't expect people to care about what you have to say right off the bat. They won't usually at first. Instead, be interested in others' lives and happenings and they will then come to you and wonder how your life is.

I know I've rambled but these are just a few things I try to work at at all times.. When I actually am not isolating myself, that is lmao

Hope this helps
S4

Best example of what I just said: Everyone (not trying to be mean) focused in on the fact that you mentioned DBT and only saw that. I noticed that your ultimate question in the end (hopefully that was your intent) was asking "how do you communicate better with others?"

:::steps off soapbox:::

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

DBT, I have no knowledge of other than conceptually but I defer to the others on that. I know many claim that it is very helpful. I know there are ways to do this on your own too, although it will take a lot of self-discipline and for many of us this isn't a strength of ours but still worth a try!

As for communicating with others, it's hard to say without really knowing exactly what your reservations are and difficulties. Different people have a hard time communicating for different reasons. I could go on about communicating with other people and although I'm no expert, I have learned much about it over the years and am better than I was as a younger person

So with that disclaimer out of the way..

The number one thing that I would say helps is listening. Everyone and their brother has needs and wants to communicate them to others. Which is fine but if we are too busy looking to tell people our stories, the fact is other people won't have the same chance to voice their needs to us. Listening is something I think every person, to some extent, has a problem with. It's something that we all have to work on more and is an on-going challenge. When you listen to another person, with intent to understand and empathize with them (yes you have to work at that too) you will build a bond with them, you will make them draw nearer to you and they will be more apt to ask you "so what's going on with you?" and listen to you also. This is, IMO #1 struggle in communication with others. If we all put forth more effort to listen and hear others, we'd all get along and understand each other more.

Don't expect others right off the bat to understand you. Assume that they won't, and know that their understanding and position in life is a hindrance to their knowing what you're communicating. I tend to go out of my way to make sure the other person is always on the same page. Asking questions like, "does what I've said, make sense?" etc. I tend to over explain things and I make no apologies for it most times. Thing is, the more clear you are in your communication the better people will be able to grasp your words. It doesn't have to be something technical we are speaking of either. You could be describing how upset you were about "such and such" situation.. explaining to them more explicitly why you're upset, will help them to understand and empathize with you more.

Don't expect people to care about what you have to say right off the bat. They won't usually at first. Instead, be interested in others' lives and happenings and they will then come to you and wonder how your life is.

I know I've rambled but these are just a few things I try to work at at all times.. When I actually am not isolating myself, that is lmao

Hope this helps
S4

^This... I completely agree with this. I find miscommunication to be the #1 problem myself. Like S4 says here, over explaining is better than not explaining enough.

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

^This... I completely agree with this. I find miscommunication to be the #1 problem myself. Like S4 says here, over explaining is better than not explaining enough.

Thanks for your words my friend. As I've said, I'm no master but it's something that I always try to work on.. Although I have no friends locally IRL, right now, I do know that people tend to come to me when I'm open to communication and they share their stuff with me a lot I guess that's a good sign my methods are working right?

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Best example of what I just said: Everyone (not trying to be mean) focused in on the fact that you mentioned DBT and only saw that. I noticed that your ultimate question in the end (hopefully that was your intent) was asking "how do you communicate better with others?"

:::steps off soapbox:::

......I see what you did here lol